UC-NRLF 


B   M   37M 


Samuel 
Hopkins 
Adams 


UV>-.r<     TV   OF 
C> •»-         :.    *. 

SANTA  CRUZ 


-kable  Perk 

"— — *— 


I 


O'.'F 
SANTA  CRUZ 


The  Unspeakable  Perk 


ALL  RIGHT.     I  'VE  GOT   IT.1 


The 
Unspeakable   Perk 

By  SAMUEL  HOPKINS  ADAMS 


With  Frontispiece 
By  GEORGE  ELLIS  WOLFE 


A.  L.  BURT  COMPANY 
Publishers  New  York 

Published  by  arrangement  with  HOUGHTON,  MIFFLIN   COMPANY 


COPYRIGHT,   1916,  BY   AINSLRE   MAGAZINE  COMPANY 
COPYRIGHT,   1916,  BY   SAMUEL   HOPKINS  ADAMS 

ALL  RIGHTS   RESERVED 

Published  July  iqib 


PS 


US 
Contents 


I.  MR.  BEETLE  MAN  ........      I 

II.  AT  THE  KAST    .........    35 

III.  THE  BETTER  PART  OF  VALOR    .....     54 

IV.  TWO  ON  A  MOUNTAIN-SIDE  .....      83 

V.  AN  UPHOLDER  OF  TRADITIONS   .....  112 

VI.  FORKED  TONGUES   ........  139 

VII.  "THAT  WHICH  THY  SERVANT  is  —  ".      .      .      .  152 

VIII.  Los  YANKIS     .........  180 

IX.  THE  BLACK  WARNING  .......  196 

X.  THE  FOLLY  OF  PERK     .......  212 

XI.  PRESTO  CHANGE!    ........  240 

XII.  THE  WOMAN  AT  THE  QUINTA     .....  263 

XIII.  LEFT  BEHIND   .........  272 

XIV.  THE  YELLOW  FLAG       .......  284 


The 
Unspeakable  Perk 

i 

MR.    BEETLE    MAN 

THE  man  sat  in  a  niche  of  the  mountain, 
busily  hating  the  Caribbean  Sea.  It  was 
quite  a  contract  that  he  had  undertaken,  for 
there  was  a  large  expanse  of  Caribbean  Sea  in 
sight  to  hate;  very  bhfe,  and  still,  and  indifferent 
to  human  emotions.  However,  the  young  man 
was  a  good  steadfast  hater,  and  he  came  there 
every  day  to  sit  in  the  shade  of  the  overhanging 
boulder,  where  there  was  a  little  trickle  of  cool 
air  down  the  slope  and  a  little  trickle  of  cool 
water  from  a  crevice  beneath  the  rock,  to  despise 
that  placid,  unimpressionable  ocean  and  all  its 
works  and  to  wish  that  it  would  dry  up  forth- 
with, so  that  he  might  walk  back  to  the  blessed 
United  States  of  America.  In  good  plain  Ameri- 
can, the  young  man  was  pretty  homesick. 

Two-man's-lengths  up  the  mountain,  on  the 
crest  of  the  sturdy  hater's  rock,  the  girl  sat, 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

loving  the  Caribbean  Sea.  Hers,  also,  was  a 
large  contract,  and  she  was  much  newer  to  it 
than  was  the  man  to  his,  for  she  had  only  just 
discovered  this  vantage-ground  by  turning  ac- 
cidentally into  a  side  trail  —  quite  a  private 
little  side  trail  made  by  her  unsuspected  neigh- 
bor below  —  whence  one  emerges  from  a  sea 
of  verdure  into  full  view  of  the  sea  of  azure. 
For  the  time,  she  was  content  to  rest  there  in 
the  flow  of  the  breeze  and  feast  her  eyes  on  that 
broad,  unending  blue  which  blessedly  separated 
her  from  the  United  States  of  America  and  cer- 
tain perplexities  and  complications  comprised 
therein.  Presently  she  would  resume  the  trail 
and  return  to  the  city  of  Caracuna,  somewhere 
behind  her.  That  is,  she  would  if  she  could  find 
it,  which  was  by  no  means  certain.  Not  that 
she  greatly  cared.  If  she  were  really  lost,  they  'd 
come  out  and  get  her.  Meantime,  all  she  wished 
was  to  rest  mind  and  body  in  the  contemplation 
of  that  restful  plain  of  cool  sapphire,  four  thou- 
sand feet  below. 

But  there  was  a  spirit  of  mischief  abroad 
upon  that  mountain  slope.  It  embodied  itself 
in  a  puff  of  wind  that  stirred  gratefully  the  curls 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

above  the  girl's  brow.  Also,  it  fanned  the  neck 
of  the  watcher  below  and  cunningly  moved  his 
hat  from  his  side;  not  more  than  a  few  feet,  in- 
deed, but  still  far  enough  to  transfer  it  from  the 
shade  into  the  glaring  sun  and  into  the  view  of 
the  girl  above.  The  owner  made  no  move.  If 
the  wind  wanted  to  blow  his  new  panama  into 
some  lower  treetop,  compelling  him  to  throw 
stones,  perhaps  to  its  permanent  damage,  in  or- 
der to  dislodge  it,  why,  that  was  just  one  more 
cause  of  offense  to  pin  to  his  indictment  of  irri- 
tation against  the  great  island  republic  of  Cara- 
cuna.  Such  is  the  temper  one  gets  into  after  a 
year  in  the  tropics. 

Like  as  peas  are  panama  hats  to  the  eyes  of 
the  inexpert;  far  more  like  than  men  who  live 
under  them.  For  the  girl,  it  was  a  direct 
inference  that  this  was  a  hat  which  she  knew 
intimately;  which,  indeed,  she  had  rather 
maliciously  eluded,  not  half  an  hour  before. 
Therefore,  she  addressed  it  familiarly:  "Boo!" 

The  result  of  this  simple  monosyllable  ex- 
ceeded her  fondest  expectations.  There  was  a 
sharp  exclamation  of  surprise,  followed  by  a 
cry  that  might  have  meant  dismay  or  wrath  or 

3 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

both,  as  something  metallic  tinkled  and  slid, 
presently  coming  to  a  stop  beside  the  hat, 
where  it  revealed  itself  as  a  pair  of  enormous, 
aluminum-mounted  brown-green  spectacles. 
After  it,  on  all  fours,  scrambled  the  owner. 

Shock  number  one :  It  was  n't  the  man  at  all ! 
Instead  of  the  black-haired,  flanneled,  slender 
Adonis  whom  the  trouble-maker  confidently 
assumed  to  have  been  under  that  hat,  she 
beheld  a  brownish-clad,  stocky  figure  with  a 
very  blond  head. 

Shock  number  two :  The  figure  was  groping 
lamentably  and  blindly  in  the  undergrowth, 
and  when,  for  an  instant,  the  face  was  turned 
half  toward  her,  she  saw  that  the  eyes  were 
squinted  tight-closed,  with  a  painful  extreme  of 
muscular  tension  about  them. 

Presently  one  of  the  ranging  hands  encoun- 
tered the  spectacles,  and  settled  upon  them. 
With  careful  touches,  it  felt  them  all  over.  A 
mild  grunt,  presumably  of  satisfaction,  made 
itself  heard,  and  the  figure  got  to  its  feet.  But 
before  the  face  turned  again,  the  girl  had 
stepped  back,  out  of  range. 

Silence,  above  and  below;  a  silence  the  long 
4 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

persistence  of  which  came  near  to  constituting 
shock  number  three.  What  sort  of  hermit 
had  she  intruded  upon  ?  Into  what  manner  of 
remote  Brahministic  contemplation  had  she  in- 
jected that  impertinent  "Boo!"?  Who,  what, 
how,  why  — 

"Say  it  again." 

The  request  came  from  under  the  rock.  Evi- 
dently the  spectacled  owner  had  resumed  his 
original  situation. 

"Say  what  again?"  she  inquired. 

"Anything,"  returned  the  voice,  with  child- 
like content. 

"Oh,  I  —  I  hope  you  didn't  break  your 
glasses." 

"No;  you  did  n't." 

On  consideration,  she  decided  to  ignore  this 
prompt  countering  of  the  pronoun. 

"I  thought  you  were  some  one  else,"  she 
observed. 

"Well,  so  I  am,  am  I  not?" 

"So  you  are  what?" 

"  Some  one  else  than  you  thought." 

"Why,  yes,  I  suppose  —  But  I  meant  some 
one  else  besides  yourself." 

5 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"I  only  wish  I  were." 

"Why?"  she  asked,  intrigued  by  the  fervid 
inflection  of  the  wish. 

"Because  then  I'd  be  somewhere  else  than 
in  this  infernal  hell-hole  of  a  black-and-tan 
nursery  of  revolution,  fever,  and  trouble!" 

"I  think  it  one  of  the  loveliest  spots  I've 
ever  seen,"  said  she  loftily. 

"How  long  have  you  been  here?" 

"On  this  rock?  Perhaps  five  minutes." 

"Not  on  the  rock.   In  Caracuna?" 

"Quite  a  long  time.  Nearly  a  fortnight." 

The  commentary  on  this  was  s©  indefinite 
that  she  was  moved  to  inquire :  — 

"Is  that  a  local  dialect  you're  speaking?" 

"No;  that  was  a  grunt." 

"I  don't  think  it  was  a  very  polite  grunt, 
even  as  grunts  go." 

"Perhaps  not.  I'm  afraid  I'm  out  of  the 
habit." 

"Of  grunting?  You  seem  expert  enough  to 
satisfy — " 

"No;  of  being  polite.  I'll  apologize  if — if 
you'll  only  go  on  talking." 

She  laughed  aloud. 

6 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Or  laughing,"  he  amended  promptly.  "Do 
it  again." 

"One  can't  laugh  to  order!"  she  protested; 
"or  even  talk  to  order.  But  why  do  you  stay 
'way  out  here  in  the  mountains  if  you're  so 
eager  to  hear  the  human  voice  ? " 

"The  human  voice  be  —  choked!  It's  your 
human  voiee  I  want  to  hear  —  your  kind  of 
human  voice,  I  mean." 

"I  don't  know  that  my  kind  of  human  voice 
is  particularly  different  from  plenty  of  other 
human  voices,"  she  observed,  with  an  effect 
of  fine  impartial  judgment. 

"It's  widely  different  from  the  kind  that 
afflicts  the  suffering  ear  in  this  part  of  the 
world.  Fourteen  months  ago  I  heard  the  last 
American  girl  speak  the  last  American-girl 
language  that's  come  within  reach  of  me.  Oh, 
no,  —  there  was  one,  since,  but  she  rasped 
like  a  rheumatic  phonograph  and  had  brick- 
colored  freckles.  Have  you  got  brick-colored 
freckles?" 

"Stand  up  and  see." 

"No,  sir!  —  that  is,  ma'am.  Too  much  risk." 

"Risk!  Of  what?" 

7 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Freckles.  I  don't  like  freckles.  Not  on  your 
voice,  anyway." 

"On  my  voice?  Are  you — " 

"Of  course  I  am  —  a  little.  Any  one  is  who 
stays  down  here  more  than  a  year.  But  that 
about  the  voice  and  the  freckles  was  sane 
enough.  What  I'm  trying  to  say  —  and  you 
might  know  it  without  a  diagram  —  is  that, 
from  your  voice,  you  ought  to  be  all  that  a  man 
dreams  of  when  —  well,  when  he  has  n't  seen  a 
real  American  girl  for  an  eternity.  Now  I  can 
sit  here  and  dream  of  you  as  the  loveliest  prin- 
cess that  ever  came  and  went  and  left  a  mem- 
ory of  gold  and  blue  in  the  heart  of — " 

"I'm  not  gold  and  blue!" 

"Of  course  you're  not.  But  your  speech  is. 
I  '11  be  wise,  and  content  myself  with  that.  One 
look  might  pull  down,  in  irrevocable  ruin,  all 
the  lovely  fabric  of  my  dream.  By  the  way, 
are  you  a  Cookie?" 

"Kwhat?" 

"Cookie.  Tourist.  No,  of  course  you're 
not.  No  tour  would  be  imbecile  enough  to 
touch  here.  The  question  is:  How  did  you  get 
here?" 

8 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Ah,  that's  my  secret." 

"Or,  rather,  are  you  here  at  all?  Perhaps 
you're  just  a  figment  of  the  overstrained  ear. 
And  if  I  undertook  to  look,  there  would  n't  be 
anything  there  at  all." 

"Of  course,  if  you  don't  believe  in  me,  I  '11  fly 
away  on  a  sunbeam." 

"Oh,  please!  Don't  say  that!  I'm  doing  my 
best." 

So  panic-stricken  was  the  appeal  that  she 
laughed  again,  in  spite  of  herself. 

"Ah,  that's  better!  Now,  come,  be  honest 
with  me.  You're  not  pretty,  are  you?" 

"Me?   I'm  as  lovely  as  the  dawn." 

"So  far,  so  good.  And  have  you  got  long 
golden  —  that  is  to  say,  silken  hair  that  floats 
almost  to  your  knees?" 

"Certainly,"  she  replied,  with  spirit. 

"Is  it  plentiful  enough  so  that  you  could 
spare  a  little?" 

"Are  you  asking  me  for  a  lock  of  my  hair?" 
she  queried,  on  a  note  of  mirth.  "  For  a  stranger, 
you  go  fast." 

"No;  oh,  no!"  he  protested.  "Nothing  so 
familiar.  I'm  offering  you  a  bribe  for  conver- 

9 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

sation  at  the  price  of,  say,  five  hairs,  if  you  can 
sacrifice  so  many." 

"It  sounds  delightfully  like  voodoo,"  she 
observed.  "What  must  I  do  with  them?" 

"First,  catch  your  hair.  Well  up  toward  the 
head,  please.  Now  pull  it  out.  One,  two,  three 
—  yank!" 

"Ouch!"  said  the  voice  above. 

"Do  it  again.   Now  have  you  got  two?" 

"Yes." 

"Knot  them  together." 

There  was  a  period  of  silence. 

"It's  very  difficult,"  complained  the  girl. 

"Because  you're  doing  it  in  silence.  There 
must  be  sprightly  conversation  or  the  charm 
won't  work.  Talk!"  - 

"What  about?" 

"Tell  me  who  you  thought  I  was  when  you 
said,  'Boo!'  at  me." 

"A  goose." 

"A  —  a  goose  !  Why  —  what  — " 

"Doesn't  one  proverbially  say  'Boo!'  to  a 
goose?"  she  remarked  demurely. 

"If  one  has  the  courage.  Now,  I  have  n't. 
I'm  shy." 

10 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Shy!  You?"  Again  the  delicious  trill  of 
her  mirth  rang  in  his  ears.  "I  should  imagine 
that  to  be  the  least  of  your  troubles." 

"No!  Truly."  There  was  real  and  anxious 
earnestness  in  his  assurance.  "It's  because  I 
don't  see  you.  If  I  were  face  to  face  with  you, 
I  'd  stammer  and  get  red  and  make  a  regular 
imbecile  of  myself.  Another  reason  why  I  stick 
down  here  and  decline  to  yield  to  tempta- 
tion." 

"O  wise  young  man!  Are  you  young? 
Ouch!" 

"Reasonably.  Was  that  the  last  hair?" 

"Positively!  I'm  scalped.  You're  a  red 
Indian." 

"Tie  it  on.  Now,  fasten  a  hairpin  on  the  end 
and  let  it  down.  All  right.  I've  got  it.  Wait!" 
The  fragile  line  of  communication  twitched 
for  a  moment.  "Haul,  now.  Gently!" 

Up  came  the  thread,  and,  as  its  burden  rose 
over  the  face  of  the  rock,  the  girl  gave  a  little 
cry  of  delight:  — 

"How  exquisite!  Orchids,  are  n't  they?" 

"Yes,  the  golden-brown  bee  orchid.  Just 
your  coloring." 

ii 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"So  it  is.  How  do  you  know?"  she  asked, 
startled. 

"From  the  hair.  And  your  eyes  have  gold 
flashes  in  the  brown  when  the  sun  touches 
diem." 

"Your  wits  are  your  eyes.  But  where  do  you 
get  such  orchids?" 

"From  my  little  private  garden  underneath 
the  rock." 

"Life  will  be  a  dull  and  dreary  round  unless 
I  see  that  garden." 

"No!  I  say!  Wait!  Really,  now,  Mies  — 
er — "  There  was  panic  in  the  protest. 

"Oh,  don't  be  afraid.  I  'm  only  playing  with 
your  fears.  One  look  at  you  as  you  chased  your 
absurd  spectacles  was  enough  to  satisfy  my 
curiosity.  Go  in  peace,  startled  fawn  that  you 
are." 

"Go  nothing!  I'm  not  going.  Neither  are 
you,  I  hope,  until  you've  told  me  lots  more 
about  yourself." 

"All  that  for  a  spray  of  orchids?" 

"But  they  are  quite  rare  ones." 

"And  very  lovely." 

The  girl  mused,  and  a  sudden  impulse  seized 
12 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

her  to  take  the  unseen  acquaintance  at  his 
word  and  free  her  mind  as  she  had  not  been 
able  to  do  to  any  living  soul  for  long  weeks. 
She  pondered  over  it. 

"You  are  n't  getting  ready  to  go?"  he  cried, 
alarmed  at  her  long  silence. 

"No;  I'm  thinking." 

"Please  think  aloud." 

"  I  was  thinking  —  suppose  I  did." 

There  was  so  much  of  weighty  consideration 
in  her  accents  that  the  other  fear  again  beset 
him. 

"  Did  what  ?  Not  come  down  from  the  rock  ? " 

"Be  calm.  I  should  n't  want  to  face  you  any 
more  than  you  want  to  face  me,  if  I  decided  to 
do  it." 

"Go  on,"  he  encouraged.  "It  sounds  most 
promising." 

"More  than  that.  It's  fairly  thrilling.  It's 
the  awful  secret  of  my  life  that  I  'm  considering 
laying  bare  to  you,  just  like  a  dime  novel.  Are 
you  discreet?" 

"As  the  eternal  rocks.  Prescribe  any  form 
of  oath  and  I'll  take  it." 

"I'm  feeling  just  irresponsible  enough  to 
13 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

venture.  Now,  if  I  knew  you,  of  course  I 
could  n't.  But  as  I  shall  never  set  eyes  on  you 
again —  I  never  shall,  shall  I?" 

"Not  unless  you  creep  up  on  me  unawares." 

"Then  I  '11  unburden  my  overweighted  heart, 
and  you  can  be  my  augur  and  advise  me  with 
supernatural  wisdom.  Are  you  up  to  that?" 

"Try  me." 

"I  will.  But,  remember:  this  means  truly 
that  we  are  never  to  meet.  And  if  you  ever  do 
meet  me  and  recognize  my  voice,  you  must  go 
away  at  once." 

"Agreed,"  he  said  cheerfully,  just  a  bit  too 
cheerfully  to  be  flattering. 

"Very  well,  then.  I'm  a  runaway." 

"From  where?" 

"Home." 

"Naturally.  Where's  home?" 

"Utica,  New  York,"  she  specified. 

"U.S.A.,"  he  concluded,  with  a  sigh.  "What 
did  you  run  away  from?" 

"Trouble." 

"Does  any  one  ever  run  away  from  anything 
else?"  he  inquired  philosophically.  "What 
particular  brand?" 

14 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Three  men,"  she  said  dolorously.  "All  after 
poor  little  me.  They  all  thought  I  ought  to 
marry  them,  and  everybody  else  seemed  to 
think  so,  too — " 

"Go  slow!  Did  you  say  Utica  or  Utah?" 
"Everybody  thought  I  ought  to  marry  one 
or  the  other  of  'em,  I  mean.  If  I  could  have 
married  them  all,  now,  it  might  have  been 
easier,  for  I  like  them  ever  so  much.  But  how 
could  I  make  up  my  mind?  So  I  just  seized 
papa  around  the  neck  and  ran  away  with  him 
down  here." 

"Why  here,  of  all  places  on  earth?" 
"Oh,  he's  interested  in  some  mines  and  con- 
cessions and  things.    It's  very  beautiful,  but 
I  almost  wish  I'd  stayed  at  home  and  married 
Bobby." 

"Which  is  Bobby?" 

"He's  one  of  the  home  boys.  We've  grown 
up  together,  and  I'm  so  fond  of  him.  Only  it's 
more  the  brother-and-sister  sort  of  thing,  if 
he 'diet  it  be." 

"Check  off  No.  I.  What's  No.  2?" 
"Lots  older.  Mr.  Thomas  Murray  Smith  is 
an  unspoiled  millionaire.     If  he  were  n't  so 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

serious  and  quite  so  dangerously  near  forty  — 
well,  I  don't  know." 

"Have  you  kept  No.  3  for  the  last  because 
he's  the  best?" 

"No-o-o-o.  Because  he's  the  nearest.  He 
followed  me  down.  You  can  see  his  name  in 
all  its  luster  on  the  Hotel  Kast  register,  when 
you  get  back  to  the  city  —  Preston  Fairfax 
Fitzhugh  Carroll,  at  your  service." 

"Sounds  Southern,"  commented  the  man 
below. 

"Southern!  He's  more  Southern  than  the 
South  Pole.  His  ancestors  fought  all  the  wars 
and  owned  all  the  negroes  —  he  calls  them 
'  niggers '  —  and  married  into  all  the  first  fami- 
lies of  Virginia,  and  all  that  sort  of  thing.  He 
must  quite  hate  himself,  poor  Fitz,  for  falling 
in  love  with  a  little  Yankee  like  me.  In  fact, 
that's  why  I  made  him  do  it." 

"And  now  you  wish  he  had  n't?" 

"Oh  —  well  —  I  don't  know.  He's  awfully 
good-looking  and  gallant  and  devoted  and  all 
that.  Only  he 's  such  a  prickly  sort  of  person. 
I  'd  have  to  spend  the  rest  of  my  life  keeping 
him  and  his  pride  out  of  trouble.  And  I  Ve  no 

16 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

taste  for  diplomacy.  Why,  only  last  week  he 
declined  to  dine  with  the  President  of  the  Re- 
public because  some  one  said  that  his  excel- 
lency had  a  touch  of  the  tar  brush." 

"He'd  better  get  out  of  this  country  before 
that  gets  back  to  headquarters." 

"If  he  thought  there  was  danger,  he'd  stay 
forever.  I  don't  suppose  Fitz  is  afraid  of  any- 
thing on  earth.  Except  perhaps  of  me,"  she 
added  afterthoughtfully. 

"Young  woman,  you're  a  shameless  flirt!" 
accused  the  invisible  one  in  stern  tones. 

"  If  I  am,  it  is  n't  going  to  hurt  you.  Besides, 
I  'm  not.  And,  anyway,  who  are  you  to  judge 
me?  You're  not  here  as  a  judge;  you're  an 
augur.  Now,  go  on  and  aug." 

"Aug?"  repeated  the  other  hesitantly. 

"Certainly.  Do  an  augury.  Tell  me  which." 

"Oh!  As  for  that,  it's  easy.  None." 

"Why  not?" 

"Because  I  much  prefer  to  think  of  you, 
when  you  are  gone,  as  unmarried.  It's  more 
in  character  with  your  voice." 

"Well,  of  all  the  selfish  pigs!  Condemned  to 
be  an  old  maid,  in  order  not  to  spoil  an  ideal ! 

17 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Perhaps  you'd  like  to  enter  the  lists  yourself," 
she  taunted. 

"Good  Heavens,  no!"  he  cried  in  the  most 
unflattering  alarm.  "It  is  n't  in  my  line  —  I 
mean  I  have  n't  time  for  that  sort  of  thing. 
I'm  a  very  busy  man." 

"You  look  it!  Or  you  did  look  it,  scrambling 
about  like  a  doodle  bug  after  your  absurd 
spectacles." 

"There  is  no  such  insect  as  a  doodle  bug." 

"Is  n't  there?  How  do  you  know?  Are  you 
personally  acquainted  with  all  the  insect  fami- 
lies?" 

"Certainly.  That's  my  business.  I'm  a 
scientist." 

"Oh,  gracious!  And  I've  appealed  to  you 
in  a  matter  of  sentiment!  I  might  better  have 
stuck  to  Fitz.  Poor  Fitz!  I  wonder  if  he's  lost." 

"Why  should  he  be  lost?" 

"Because  I  lost  him.  Back  there  on  the  trail. 
Purposely.  I  sent  him  for  water  and  then  — 
I  skipped." 

"Oh-h-h!  Then  he's  the  goose." 

"Goose!  Preston  Fairfax  Fitz— " 

"  Yes,  the  goose  you  said '  Boo ! '  to,  you  know.' ' 
18 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Of  course.  You  did  n't  steal  his  hat,  did 
you?" 

"No.  It's  my  own  hat.  Why  did  you  run 
away  from  him?" 

"He  bored  me.  When  people  bore  me,  I 
always  run  away.  I'm  beginning  to  feel  quite 
fugitive  this  very  minute." 

There  was  silence  below,  a  silence  that 
piqued  the  girl. 

"Well,"  she  challenged,  "have  n't  you  any- 
thing to  say  before  the  court  passes  sentence 
of  abandonment  to  your  fate  ? " 

"I'm  thinking  —  frantically.  But  the 
thoughts  are  n't  girl  thoughts.  I  mean,  they 
would  n't  interest  you.  I  might  tell  you  about 
some  of  my  insects,"  he  added  hopefully. 

"Heaven  forbid!" 

"They're  very  interesting." 

"No.  You're  worthless  as  an  augur,  and  a 
flat  failure  as  a  conversationalist,  when  thrown 
on  your  own  resources.  So  I  shall  shake  the  dust 
from  my  feet  and  depart." 

"Good-bye!"  he  said  desolately.  "And  thank 
you." 

"For  what?" 

19 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"For  making  music  in  my  desert." 

"That's  much  better,"  she  approved.  "But 
you  Ve  paid  your  score  with  the  orchids.  If  you 
have  one  or  two  more  pretty  speeches  like  that 
in  stock,  I  might  linger  for  a  while." 

"I'm  afraid  I'm  all  out  of  those,"  he  re- 
turned. "But,"  he  added  desperately,  "there's 
the  hexagonal  scarab  beetle.  He's  awfully 
queer  and  of  much  older  family  even  than  Mr. 
Fitzwhizzle's.  It  is  the  hexagonal  scarab's 
habit  when  dis — " 

"We  have  an  encyclopaedia  of  our  own  at 
home,"  she  interrupted  coldly.  "  I  did  n't  climb 
this  mountain  to  talk  about  beetles." 

"Well,  I'll  talk  some  more  about  you,  if 
you'll  give  me  a  little  time  to  think." 

"I  think  you  are  very  impertinent.  I  don't 
wish  to  talk  about  myself.  Just  because  I  asked 
your  advice  in  my  difficulties,  you  assume  that 
I'm  a  little  egoist — " 

"Oh,  please  don't—" 

"Don't  interrupt.  I  'm  very  much  offended, 
and  I'm  glad  we  are  never  going  to  meet. 
Just  as  I  was  beginning  to  like  you,  too,"  she 
added,  with  malice.  "Good-bye!" 

20 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Good-bye,"  he  answered  mournfully. 
But  his  attentive  ears  failed  to  discern  the 
sound  of  departing  footsteps.  The  breeze  whis- 
pered in  the  tree-tops.  A  sulphur-yellow  bird, 
of  French  extraction,  perched  in  a  flowering 
bush,  insistently  demanded:  "Qu'est-ce  qu'il 
dit?  Qu'est-ce  qu'il  dit?"  —  What's  he  say? 
WhoCs  he  say? — over  and  over  again,  becom- 
ing quite  wrathful  because  neither  he  nor  any 
one  else  offered  the  slightest  reply  or  explana- 
tion. The  girl  sympathized  with  the  bird.  If  the 
particular  he  whose  blond  top  she  could  barely 
see  by  peeping  over  the  rock  would  only  say 
something,  matters  would  be  easier  for  her. 
But  he  did  n't.  So  presently,  in  a  voice  of  sus- 
piciously saccharine  meekness,  she  said :  — 
"Please,  Mr.  Beetle  Man,  I'm  lost." 
"No,  you're  not,"  he  said  reassuringly. 
"You're  not  a  quarter  of  a  mile  from  the 
Puerto  del  Norte  Road." 

"But  I  don't  know  which  direction — " 
"Perfectly  simple.    Keep  on  over  the  top 
of  the  rock;  turn  left  down  the  slope,  right  up 
the  dry  stream  bed  to  a  dead  tree;  bear  right 
past — " 

21 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"That's  too  many  turns.  I  never  could  re- 
member more  than  two." 

"Now,  listen,"  he  said  persuasively.  "lean 
make  it  quite  plain  to  you  if — " 

"I  don't  wish  to  listen!  I'll  never  find  it." 

"I'll  toss  you  up  my  compass." 

"I  don't  want  your  compass,"  she  said 
firmly. 

A  long  patient  sigh  exhaled  from  below. 

"Do  you  want  me  to  guide  you?" 

"No,"  she  retorted,  and  was  instantly  panic- 
stricken,  for  the  monosyllable  was  of  that  accent 
which  sets  fire  to  bridges  and  burns  them  beyond 
hope  of  return. 

Slowly  she  got  to  her  feet.  Perhaps  she  would 
have  dared  and  gone;  perhaps  she  would  have 
swallowed  pride  and  her  negative,  and  made 
one  more  appeal.  She  turned  hesitantly  and 
saw  the  devil. 

It  was  a  small  devil  on  stilts,  not  more  than 
three  or  four  inches  tall,  but  there  was  no  mis- 
taking his  identity.  No  other  living  thing  could 
possess  such  demoniac  little  red-hot  pin  points 
of  eyes,  or  be  so  bristly  and  grisly  and  vicious. 
The  stilts  suddenly  folded  flat,  and  the  devil 

22 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

rushed  upon  his  prey.   The  girl  stepped  back; 
her  foot  turned  and  caught,  and  — 

"Of  course,"  the  patient  voice  below  was  say- 
ing, "if  you  really  think  that  you  could  n't  find 
the  road,  I  could  draw  you  a  map  and  send  it 
up  by  the  hair  route.  But  I  really  think — " 

"Slump!" 

The  rock  had  turned  over  on  his  unprotected 
head  and  flattened  him  out  forever.  Such  was 
his  first  thought.  When  he  finally  collected 
himself,  his  eyeglasses,  and  his  senses,  he  sus- 
tained a  second  shock  more  violent  than  the 
first. 

Two  paces  away,  the  Voice,  duly  and  most 
appropriately  embodied,  sat  half-facing  him. 
The  Voice's  eyes  confirmed  his  worst  suspicions, 
and,  dazed  though  they  were  at  the  moment, 
there  were  deep  lights  in  them  that  wholly  dis- 
ordered his  mental  mechanism.  Nor  were  her 
first  words  such  as  to  restore  his  deranged  fac- 
ulties. 

"Oh-h!  Aren't  you  gogglesome!"  she  cried 
dizzily. 

He  raised  his  hands  to  the  huge  brown  spec- 
tacles. 

23 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Wh-wh-what  did  you  come  down  for?"  he 
babbled.  There  was  a  distinct  note  of  accusa- 
tion in  the  query. 

"  Comedown!  I  fell!" 

"Yes,  yes;  that  may  be  true  —  " 


"Of  course,  it  is  true.  I  —  I  —  I  see  it's  true. 
I  'm  awfully  sorry." 

"Sorry?  What  for?" 

"That  you  came.  That  you  fell,  I  mean  to 
say.  I  —  I  —  I  don't  really  know  what  I 
mean  to  say." 

"No  wonder,  poor  boy!  I  landed  right  on 
you,  did  n't  I?" 

"Did  you?  Something  did.  I  thought  it  was 
the  mountain." 

"You  are  n't  very  complimentary,"  she 
pouted.  "But  there!  I  dare  say  I  knocked 
your  thoughts  all  to  bits." 

"No;  not  at  all.  Certainly,  I  mean.  It 
does  n't  matter.  See  here,"  he  said,  with  an 
injured  sharpness  of  inquiry  born  of  his  own 
exasperation  at  his  verbal  fumbling,  "you  said 
you  would  n't,  and  here  you  are.  I  ask  you,  is 
that  fair  and  honorable?" 

24 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Well,  if  it  comes  to  that,"  she  countered, 
"you  promised  that  you'd  never  speak  to  me 
if  you  saw  me,  and  here  you  are  telling  me  that 
you  don't  want  me  around  the  place  at  all.  It's 
very  rude  and  inhospitable,  I  consider." 

"I  can't  help  it,"  he  said  miserably.  "I'm 
afraid." 

"You  don't  look  it.  You  look  disagreeable." 

"As  long  as  you  stayed  where  you  belonged 
—  Excuse  me  —  I  don't  mean  to  be  impolite  — 
but  I  —  I  —  You  see  —  as  long  as  you  were 
just  a  voice,  I  could  manage  all  right,  but  now 
that  you  are  —  er  —  er  —  you  — "  His  speech 
trailed  off  lamentably  into  meaningless  stutter- 
ings. 

The  girl  turned  amazed  and  amused  eyes 
upon  him. 

"What  on  earth  ails  the  poor  man?"  she 
inquired  of  all  creation. 

"I  told  you.  I  — I'm  shy." 

"Not  really!  I  thought  it  was  a  joke." 

"Qu'est-ce  qu'il  dit  ?  Qu'est-ce  qu'il  dit  ?  " 
demanded  the  yellow-breasted  inquisitor,  from 
his  flowery  perch. 

"What  does  he  say?  He  says  he's  shy.  P@©r 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

pooer  young,  helpless  thing!"  And  her  laughter 
put  to  shame  a  palm  thrush  who  was  giving 
what  he  had  up  to  that  moment  considered  a 
highly  creditable  musical  performance. 

"All  right!"  he  retorted  warmly.  "Laugh 
if  you  want  to !  But  after  stipulating  that  we 
should  be  strangers,  to  —  to  act  this  way  — 
well,  I  think  it's  —  it's  —  forward.  That's 
what  I  think  it  is." 

"Do  you,  indeed?  Perhaps  you  think  it's 
pleasant  for  me,  after  I  've  opened  my  heart  to 
a  stranger,  to  have  him  forced  on  me  as  an 
acquaintance!" 

From  the  depths  of  those  limpid  eyes  welled 
up  a  little  film  of  vexation. 

"OLord!  Don't  do  that!  "he  implored.  "I 
did  n't  mean  —  I'm  a  bear  —  a  pig  —  a  —  a 
—  a  scarab  —  I  'm  anything  you  choose.  Only 
don't  do  that!" 

"I'm  not  doing  anything." 

"Of  course  you're  not.  That's  fine!  As  for 
your  secrets,  I  dare  say  I  would  n't  know  you 
again  if  I  saw  you." 

"Oh,  would  n't  you?"  she  cried  in  quite  an- 
other tone. 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Quite  likely  not.  These  glasses,  you  see. 
They  make  things  look  quite  queer." 

"Or  if  you  heard  me?"  she  challenged. 

"Ah,  well,  that's  different.  But  I  forget  quite 
easily  —  even  things  like  voices." 

She  leaned  forward,  her  hands  in  her  lap, 
her  eyes  upon  the  goggled  face  before  her. 

"Then  take  them  off." 

"What?  My  glasses?" 

"Take  them  off!" 

"Wh-wh-why  should  I?" 

"So  that  you  can  see  me  better." 

"I  don't  want  to  see  you  better." 

"Yes,  you  do.  I'm  much  more  interesting 
than  a  scarab." 

"But  I  know  about  scarabs  and  I  don't  know 
about  —  about  — " 

"Girls.  S©  one  might  suspect.  Do  you  know 
what  I'm  doing,  Mr.  Beetle  Man?" 

>"N-n-no." 

"I'm  flirting  with  you.  I  never  flirted  with 
a  scientific  person  before.  It's  awfully  one- 
sided, difficult,  uphill  work." 

This  last  was  all  but  drowned  out  in  his  flood 
of  panicky  instructions,  from  which  she  dis- 

27 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

entangled  such  phrases  as  "first  to  left"  — 
"dry  river-bed-hundred-yards"  —  "dead  tree 


—  can't  miss  it." 


"If  you  send  me  away  now,  I'll  cry.  Really, 
truly  cry,  this  time." 

"No,  you  won't!  I  mean  I  won't!  I — I'll 
do  anything!  I '11  talk!  I '11  make  conversation! 
How  old  are  you?  That's  what  the  Chinese 
ask.  I  used  to  have  a  Chinese  cook,  but  he  lost 
all  my  shirt  studs,  playing  fan-tan.  Can  you 
play  fan-tan?  Two  can't  play,  though.  They 
have  funny  cards  in  this  country,  like  the 
Spanish.  Have  you  seen  a  bullfight  yet?  Don't 
do  it.  It's  dull  and  brutal.  The  bull  has  no 
more  chance  than  —  than  — " 

"Than  an  unprotected  man  with  a  con- 
scienceless flirt,  who  falls  on  his  neck  and  then 
threatens  to  submerge  him  in  tears." 

"Now  you're  beginning  again!"  he  wailed. 
"What  did  you  jump  for,  anyway?" 

"I  slipped.  An  awful,  red-eyed,  scrambly 
fiend  scared  me  —  a  real,  live,  hairy  devilkin 
on  stilts.  He  ran  at  me  across  the  rock.  Was 
that  one  of  your  pet  scarabs,  Mr.  Beetle 
Man?" 

28 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"That  was  a  tarantula,  I  suppose,  from  the 
description." 

"They're  deadly,  are  n't  they?" 

"Of  course  not.  Unscientific  nonsense.  I'll 
go  up  and  chase  him  oif ." 

"Flying  from  perils  that  you  know  not  of  to 
more  familiar  dangers?"  she  taunted. 

"Well,  you  see,  with  the  tarantula  out  of  the 
way,  there's  no  reason  why  you  shouldn't  — 
er— " 

"Go,  and  leave  you  in  peace?  What  do  you 
think  of  that  for  gallantry,  Birdie?" 

The  gay-feathered  inquisitor  had  come  quite 
near. 

"Qu'est-ce  qu'il  dit?"  he  queried,  cocking 
his  curious  head. 

"He  says  he  does  n't  like  me  one  little,  wee, 
teeny  bit,  and  he  wishes  I  'd  go  home  and  stay 
there.  And  so  I  'm  going,  with  my  poor  little 
feelings  all  hurted  and  ruffled  up  like  anything." 

"Nothing  of  the  sort," protested  the  badgered 
spectacle-wearer. 

"Then  why  such  unseemly  haste  to  make 
my  path  clear?" 

"I  just  thought  that  maybe  you'd  go  back 
29 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

on  the  top  of  the  rock,  where  you  came  from, 
and  —  and  be  a  voice  again.  If  you  won't  go, 
I  will." 

He  made  three  jumps  of  it  up  the  boulder, 
bearing  a  stick  in  his  hand.  Presently  his  face, 
preternaturally  solemn  and  gnomish  behind  the 
goggles,  protruded  over  the  rim.  The  girl  was 
sitting  with  her  hands  folded  in  her  lap,  con- 
templating the  scenery  as  if  she'd  never  had 
another  interest  in  her  life.  Apparently  she  had 
forgotten  his  very  existence. 

"Ahem!"  he  began  nervously. 

"Ahem!"  she  retorted  so  promptly  that  he 
almost  fell  off  his  precarious  perch.  "Did  you 
ring?  Number,  please." 

"I  wish  I  knew  whether  you  were  laughing 
at  me  or  not,"  he  said  ruefully. 

"When?" 

"All  the  time." 

"I  am.  Your  darkest  suspicions  are  correct. 
Did  you  abolish  my  devilkin?" 

"I  drove  him  back  into  his  trapdoor  home 
and  put  a  rock  over  it." 

"Why  did  n't  you  destroy  him?" 

"  Because  I  've  appointed  him  guardian  of  the 
30 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

rock,  with  strict  instructions  to  bite  any  one 
that  ever  comes  there  after  this  except  you." 

"Bravo!  You're  progressing.  As  soon  as 
you're  free  from  the  blight  of  my  regard,  you 
become  quite  human.  But  I'll  never  come 
again." 

"No,  I  suppose  not,"  he  said  dismally.  "I 
shan't  hear  you  again,  unless,  perhaps,  the 
echoes  have  kept  your  voice  to  play  with." 

"Oh,  oh!  Is  this  the  language  of  science? 
You  know  I  almost  think  I  should  like  to  come 
—  if  I  could.  But  I  can't." 

"Why  not?" 

"Because  we  leave  to-morrow." 

"Not  across  to  the  southern  coast?  It  is  n't 
safe.  Fever — " 

"No;  by  Puerto  del  Norte." 

"There's  no  boat." 

"Yes,  there  is.  You  can  just  see  her  funnel 
over  that  white  slope.  It's  our  yacht." 

"And  you  think  you  are  going  in  her  to- 
morrow?" 

"Think?  I  know  it." 

"No,"  he  contradicted. 

"Yes,"  she  asserted,  quite  as  concisely. 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"No,"  he  repeated.   "You're  mistaken." 

"Don't  be  absurd.  Why?" 

"Look  out  there,  over  that  tree  to  the  hori- 


zon." 


"Pm  looking." 

"Do  you  see  anything?" 

"Yes;  a  sort  of  little  smudge." 

"That's  why." 

"It's  a  very  shadowy  sort  of  why." 

"There's  substance  enough  under  it." 

"A  riddle?  I'll  give  it  up." 

"No;  a  bet.  I'll  bet  you  the  treasures  of  my 
mountain-side.  Orchids  of  gold  and  white 
and  purple  and  pink,  butterflies  that  dart  on 
wings  of  fire  opal  — " 

"Beetles,  to  know  which  is  to  love  them, 
and  love  but  them  forever,"  she  laughed.  "And 
my  side  of  the  wager  —  what  is  that  to 
be?" 

"That  you  will  come  to  the  rock  day  after 
to-morrow  at  this  hour  and  stand  on  the  top 
and  be  a  voice  again  and  talk  to  me." 

"Done!  Send  your  treasures  to  the  pier,  for 
you'll  surely  lose.  And  now  take  me  to  the 
road." 

3* 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

It  was  a  single-file  trail,  and  he  walked  in 
advance,  silent  as  an  Indian.  As  they  emerged 
from  a  thicket  into  the  highway,  above  the 
red-tiled  city  in  its  setting  of  emerald  fields 
strung  on  the  silver  thread  of  the  Santa  Clara 
River,  she  turned  and  gave  him  her  hand. 

"Be  at  your  rock  to-morrow,  and  when  you 
see  the  yacht  steam  out,  you'll  know  I'll  be 
saying  good-bye,  and  thank  you  for  your  moun- 
tain treasures.  Send  them  to  Miss  Brewster, 
care  of  the  yacht  Polly.  She's  named  after 
me.  Is  there  anything  the  matter  with  my 
shoes?"  she  broke  off  to  inquire  solicitously. 

"Er  —  what?  No."  He  lifted  his  eyes, 
startled,  and  looked  out  across  the  quaint  old 
city. 

"Then  is  there  anything  the  matter  with 
my  face?" 


"Yes?  Well,  what?" 

"It's  going  to  be  hard  to  forget,"  complained 
he  of  the  goggles. 

"Then  look  away  before  it's  too  late,"  she 
cried  merrily;  but  her  color  deepened  a  little. 
"Good-bye,  O  friend  of  the  lowly  scarab!" 

33 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

At  the  dip  of  the  road  down  into  the  bridged 
arroyo,  she  turned,  and  was  surprised  —  or  at 
least  she  told  herself  so  —  to  find  him  still 
looking  after  her. 


II 

AT    THE    KAST 

ONE  dines  at  the  Gran  Hotel  Kast  after 
the  fashion  of  a  champignon  sous  cloche. 
The  top  of  the  cloche  is  of  fluted  glass,  with  a 
wide  aperture  between  it  and  the  sides,  to  ad- 
mit the  rain  in  the  wet  season  and  the  flies 
in  the  dry.  Three  balconies  run  up  from  the 
dining-room  well  to  this  roof,  and  upon  these,  as 
near  to  the  railings  as  they  choose,  the  rather 
conglomerate  patronage  of  the  place  sleeps, 
takes  baths,  dresses,  gossips,  makes  love,  quar- 
rels, and  exchanges  prophecies  as  to  next  Sun- 
day's bullfight,  while  the  diners  below  strive 
to  select  from  the  bill  of  fare  special  morsels 
upon  which  they  will  stake  their  internal  peace 
for  the  day.  No  cabaret  can  hold  a  candle  to  it 
for  variety  of  interest.  When  the  sudden  tor- 
rential storms  sweep  down  the  mountains  at 
meal  times,  the  little  human  champignons,  be- 
neath their  insufficient  cloche,  rush  about  wildly 
seeking  spots  where  the  drippage  will  not  wash 
their  food  away.  Commercial  travelers  of  the 

35 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

tropics  have  a  saying:  "There  are  worse  hotels 
in  the  world  than  the  Kast  —  but  why  take  the 
trouble?"  And,  year  upon  year,  they  return 
there  for  reasons  connected  with  the  other  hos- 
telries  of  Caracuiia,  which  I  forbear  to  specify. 

To  Miss  Polly  Brewster,  the  Kast  was  a 
place  of  romance.  Five  miles  away,  as  the  buz- 
zard flies,  she  could  have  dined  well,  even  ele- 
gantly, on  the  Brewster  yacht.  Would  she  have 
done  it?  Not  for  worlds!  Miss  Brewster  was 
entranced  by  the  courtly  manners  of  her  waiter, 
who  had  lost  one  ear  and  no  small  part  of  the 
countenance  adjacent  thereto,  only  too  obvi- 
ously through  the  agency  of  some  edged  instru- 
ment not  wielded  in  the  arts  of  peace.  She  was 
further  delightedly  intrigued  by  the  abrupt  ap- 
pearance of  a  romantic-hued  gentleman,  who 
thrust  out  over  the  void  from  the  second  bal- 
cony an  anguished  face,  one  side  of  which  was 
profusely  lathered,  and  addressed  to  all  the 
hierarchy  of  heaven  above,  and  the  peoples  of 
the  earth  beneath,  a  passionate  protest  upon 
the  subject  of  a  cherished  and  vanished  shaving 
brush;  what  time,  below,  the  head  waiter  was 
hastily  removing  from  sight,  though  not  from 

36 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

memory,  a  soup  tureen  whose  agitated  surface 
bore  a  creamy  froth  not  of  a  lacteal  origin.  One 
may  not  with  impunity  balance  personal  imple- 
ments upon  the  too  tremulous  rails  of  the  an- 
cient Kast. 

With  an  appreciative  and  glowing  eye,  Miss 
Brewster  read  from  her  mimeographed  bill  of 
fare  such  legends  as  "ropacon  carne"  "bacalao 
seco"  "enchiladas"  and  meantime  devoured 
chcchenaca,  which,  had  it  been  translated  into 
its  just  and  simple  English  of  "hash,"  she 
would  not  have  given  to  her  cat. 

Nor  did  her  visual  and  prandial  preoccupa- 
tions inhibit  her  from  a  lively  interest  in  the 
surrounding  Babel  of  speech  in  mingled  Span- 
ish, Dutch,  German,  English,  Italian,  and 
French,  all  at  the  highest  pitch,  for  a  few  rods 
away  the  cathedral  bells  were  saluting  Heaven 
with  all  the  clangor  and  din  of  the  other  place, 
and  only  the  strident  of  voice  gained  any  heed 
in  that  contest.  Even  after  the  bells  paused, 
the  habit  of  effort  kept  the  voices  up.  Miss 
Brewster,  dining  with  her  father  a  few  hours 
after  her  return  from  the  mountain,  absolved 
her  conscience  from  any  intent  of  eavcsdrop- 

37 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

ping  in  overhearing  the  talk  of  the  table  to  the 
right  of  her.  The  remark  that  first  fixed  her 
attention  was  in  English,  of  the  super-British 
patois. 

"Can't  tell  wot  the  blighter  might  look  like 
behind  those  bloomin'  brown  glasses." 

"But  he's  not  bothersome  to  any  one,"  sug- 
gested a  second  speaker,  in  a  slightly  foreign 
accent.  "He  regards  his  own  affairs." 

"Right  you  are,  bo!"  approved  a  tall,  deeply 
browned  man  of  thirty,  all  sinewy  angles,  who, 
from  the  shoulders  up,  suggested  nothing  so 
much  as  a  club  with  a  gnarled  knob  on  the  end 
of  it,  a  tough,  reliable,  hardwood  club,  capable 
of  dealing  a  stiff  blow  in  an  honest  cause.  "  If  he 
deals  in  conversation,  he  must  sell  it.  I  don't 
notice  him  giving  any  of  it  away." 

"He  gave  some  to  Kast  the  last  time  he 
dined  here,"  observed  a  languid  and  rather 
elegant  elderly  man,  who  occupied  the  fourth 
side  of  the  table.  "Mine  host  didn't  like 
it." 

"I  should  suppose  Senor  Kast  would  be 
hardened,"  remarked  the  young  Caracuiian  who 
had  defended  the  absent. 

38 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Our  eyeglassed  friend  scored  for  once, 
though.  They  had  just  served  him  the  usual 
table-d'hote  salad  —  you  know,  two  leaves  of 
lettuce  with  a  caterpillar  on  one.  Kast  happened 
to  be  passing.  Our  friend  beckoned  him  over. 
*A  little  less  of  the  fauna  and  more  of  the  flora, 
Senor  Kast,'  said  he  in  that  gritty,  scientific 
voice  of  his.  I  really  thought  Kast  was  going  to 
forget  his  Swiss  blood,  and  chase  a  whole  peso 
of  custom  right  out  of  the  place." 

"  If  you  ask  me,  I  think  the  blighter  is  barmy," 
asserted  the  Briton. 

"Well,  I'll  ask  you,"  proffered  the  elegant 
one  kindly.  "Why  do  you  consider  him 
'barmy,'  as  you  put  it?" 

"When  I  first  saw  him  here  and  heard  him 
speak  to  the  waiter,  I  knew  him  for  an  Ameri- 
can Johnny  at  once,  and  I  went,  directly  I'd 
finished  my  soup,  and  sat  down  at  his  table. 
The  friendly  touch,  y'  know.  'I  say,'  I  said  to 
him,  'I  don't  know  you,  but  I  heard  you  speak, 
and  I  knew  at  once  you  were  one  of  these  Ameri- 
cans —  tell  you  at  once  by  the  beastly  queer 
accent,  you  know.  You  are  an  American,  ay — 
wot?'  Wot  d'  you  suppose  the  blighter  said? 

39 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

He  said,  'No,  I'm  an  ichthyo' — somethin'  or 
other—" 

"Ichthyosaurus,  perhaps,"  supplied  the  Cara- 
cunan,  smiling. 

"That's  it,  whatever  it  may  be.  'I'm  an 
ichthyosaurus,'  he  says.  'It's  a  very  old  family, 
but  most  of  the  buttons  are  off.  Were  you  ever 
bitten  by  one  in  the  fossil  state?  Very  exhilara- 
tin',  but  poisonous,'  he  says.  'So  don't  let  me 
keep  you  any  longer  from  your  dinner.'  Of 
course,  I  saw  then  that  he  was  a  wrong  un,  so 
I  cut  him  dead,  and  walked  away." 

"Served  him  right,"  declared  the  elderly 
American,  with  a  solemn  twinkle  directed  at 
the  tall  brown  man,  who,  having  opened  his 
mouth,  now  thought  better  of  it,  and  closed  it 
again,  with  a  grin. 

"But  he  is  very  kind,"  said  the  native.  "When 
my  brother  fell  and  broke  his  arm  on  the  moun- 
tain, this  gentleman  found  him,  took  care  of 
him,  and  brought  him  in  on  muleback." 

"Lives  up  there  somewhere,  doesn't  he, 
Mr.  Raimonda?"  asked  the  big  man. 

"In  the  quinta  of  a  deserted  plantation," 
replied  the  Caracunan. 

40 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Wot 's  he  do?"  asked  the  Englishman. 

"Ah,  that  one  does  not  know,  unless  Senor 
Sherwen  can  tell  us." 

"Not  I,"  said  the  elderly  man.  "Some  sort 
of  scientific  investigation,  according  to  the  guess 
of  the  men  at  the  club." 

"You  never  can  tell  down  here,"  observed 
the  Englishman  darkly.  "Might  be  a  blind,  you 
know.  Calls  himself  Perkins.  Dare  say  it  is  n't 
his  name  at  all." 

"Daughter,"  said  Mr.  Thatcher  Brewster 
at  this  juncture,  in  a  patient  and  plaintive 
voice,  "for  the  fifth  and  last  time,  I  implore  you 
to  pass  me  the  butter,  or  that  which  purports 
to  be  butter,  in  the  dish  at  your  elbow." 

"Oh,  poor  dad !  Forgive  me !  But  I  was  over- 
hearing some  news  of  an  —  an  acquaintance." 

"Do  you  know  any  of  the  gentlemen  upon 
whose  conversation  you  are  eavesdropping?" 

In  financial  circles,  Mr.  Brewster  was  credited 
with  the  possession  of  a  cold  blue  eye  and  a  de- 
natured voice  of  interrogation,  but  he  seldom 
succeeded  in  keeping  a  twinkle  out  of  the  one 
and  a  chuckle  out  of  the  other  when  conversing 
with  his  daughter. 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Not  yet,"  observed  that  damsel  calmly. 

"Meaning,  I  suppose  I  am  to  understand  — " 

"Precisely.  Haven't  you  noticed  them 
looking  this  way?  Presently  they'll  be  employ- 
ing all  their  strategy  to  meet  me.  They'll  em- 
ploy it  on  you." 

Mr.  Brewster  surveyed  the  group  dubiously. 

"In  a  country  such  as  this,  one  can't  be  too 


too  cau — " 


"Too  particular,  as  you  were  saying,"  cut 
in  his  daughter  cheerfully.  "Men  are  scarce  — 
except  Fitzhugh,  who  is  rather  less  scarce  than 
I  wish  he  were  lately.  You  know,"  she  added, 
with  a  covert  glance  at  the  adjoining  table,  "I 
would  n't  be  surprised  if  you  found  yourself 
an  extremely  popular  papa  immediately  after 
dinner.  It  might  even  go  so  far  as  cigars.  Do 
you  suppose  that  lovely  young  Caracuiian  is  a 
bullfighter?" 

"No;  I  believe  he's  a  coffee  exporter.  Less 
romantic,  but  more  respectable.  Quite  one  of 
the  gilded  youth  of  Caracuna.  His  name  is 
Raimonda.  Fitzhugh  knows  him.  By  the  way, 
where  on  earth  is  Fitzhugh?" 

"Trying  to  fit  a  kind  and  gentlemanly  expres- 
42 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

sion  over  a  swollen  sense  of  injury,  for  a  guess," 
replied  the  girl  carelessly.  "I  left  him  in  sweet 
and  lone  communion  with  nature  three  hours 
ago." 

"Polly,  I  wish— " 

"Oh,  dad,  dear,  don't!  You'll  get  your  wish, 
I  suppose,  and  Fitz,  too.  Only  I  don't  want  to 
be  hurried.  Here  he  is,  now.  Look  at  that  smile! 
A  sculptor  could  n't  have  done  any  better.  Now, 
as  soon  as  he  comes,  I'm  going  to  be  quite  nice 
and  kind." 

But  Mr.  Fairfax  Preston  Fitzhugh  Carroll 
did  not  come  direct  to  the  Brewster  table.  In- 
stead, he  stopped  to  greet  the  elderly  man  in 
the  near-by  group,  and  presently  drew  up  a 
chair.  At  first,  their  conversation  was  low- 
toned,  but  presently  the  young  native  added 
his  more  vivacious  accents. 

"Who  can  tell?"  the  Brewsters  heard  him 
say,  and  marked  the  fatalistic  gesture  of  the 
upturned  hands.  "They  disappear.  One  does 
not  ask  questions  too  much." 

"Not  here,"  confirmed  the  big  man.  "Always 
room  for  a  few  more  in  the  undersea  jails,  eh?" 

"Always.  But  I  think  it  was  not  that  with 
43 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Basurdo.  I  think  it  was  underground,  not  un- 
dersea." He  brushed  his  neck  with  his  finger 
tips. 

"Is  it  dangerous  for  foreigners?"  asked  Car- 
roll quickly. 

"For  every  one,"  answered  Sherwen;  adding 
significantly:  "But  the  Caracunan  Government 
does  not  approve  of  loose  fostering  of  rumors." 

Carroll  rose  and  came  over  to  the  Brewsters. 

"May  I  bring  Mr.  Graydon  Sherwen  over 
and  present  him?"  he  asked.  "I  can  vouch  for 
him,  having  known  his  family  at  home,  and — " 

"Oh,  bring  them  all,  Fitzhugh,"  commanded 
the  girl. 

The  exponent  of  Southern  aristocracy  looked 
uncomfortable. 

"As  to  the  others,"  he  said,  "Mr.  Raimonda 


is  a  native — " 


"With  the  manners  of  a  prince.  I've  quite 
fallen  in  love  with  him  already,"  she  said  wick- 
edly. 

"Of  course,  if  you  wish  it.  But  the  other 
American  is  an  ex-professional  baseball  player, 
named  duff." 

"What?  'Clipper'  ClufT?  I  knew  Pd  seen 
44 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

him  before!"  cried  Miss  Polly.  "He  got  his 
start  in  the  New  York  State  League.  Why, 
we're  quite  old  friends,  by  sight." 

"As  for  Galpy,  he's  an  underbred  little  cock- 
ney bounder." 

"With  the  most  naive  line  of  conversation 
I  Ve  ever  listened  to.  I  want  all  of  them." 

"Let  me  bring  Sherwen  first,"  pleaded  the 
suitor,  and  was  presently  introducing  that 
gentleman.  "Mr.  Sherwen  is  in  charge  here  of 
the  American  Legation,"  he  explained. 

"How  does  one  salute  a  real  live  minister?" 
queried  Miss  Brewster. 

"Don't  mistake  me  for  anything  so  impor- 
tant," said  Sherwen.  "We're  not  keeping  a 
minister  in  stock  at  present.  My  job  is  being 
a  superior  kind  of  janitor  until  diplomatic  rela- 
tions are  resumed." 

"Goodness!  It  sounds  like  war,"  said  Miss 
Brewster  hopefully.  "Is  there  anything  as  ex- 
citing as  that  going  on?" 

"Oh,  no.  Just  a  temporary  cessation  of  civili- 
ties between  the  two  nations.  If  it  were  n't  in- 
discreet— " 

"Oh,  do  be  indiscreet!"  implored  the  girl, 
45 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

with  clasped  hands.  "I  admire  indiscretion  in 
others,  and  cultivate  it  in  myself." 

Mr.  Carroll  looked  pained,  as  the  other 
laughed  and  said:  — 

"Well,  it  would  certainly  be  most  undiplo- 
matic for  me  to  hint  that  the  great  and  friendly 
nation  of  Hochwald,  which  wields  more  influ- 
ence and  has  a  larger  market  here  than  any 
other  European  power,  has  become  a  little 
jealous  of  the  growing  American  trade.  But  the 
fact  remains  that  the  Hochwald  minister  and 
his  secretary,  Von  Plaanden,  who  is  a  very 
able  citizen  when  sober,  —  and  is,  of  course,  al- 
most always  sober,  —  have  not  exerted  them- 
selves painfully  to  compose  the  little  misunder- 
standing between  President  Fortuno  and  us. 
The  Dutch  diplomats,  who  are  not  as  diploma- 
tic in  speech  as  I  am,  would  tell  you,  if  there  were 
any  of  them  left  here  to  tell  anything,  that  Von 
Plaanden's  intrigues  brought  on  the  present 
break  with  them.  So  there  you  have  a  brief, 
but  reliable  'History  of  Our  Times  in  the 
Island  Republic  of  Caracufia.' ' 

"Highly  informative  and  improving  to  the 
untutored  mind,"  Miss  Brewster  complimented 

46 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

him.  "I  like  seeing  the  wires  of  empire  pulled. 
More,  please." 

"Perhaps  you  won't  like  the  next  so  well/' 
observed  Carroll  grimly.  "  There  is  bubonic 
plague  here." 

"Oh  —  ah!"  protested  Sherwen  gently. 
"The  suspicion  of  plague.  Quite  a  different 


matter." 


"Which  usually  turns  out  to  be  the  same, 
does  n't  it?"  inquired  Mr.  Brewster. 

"Perhaps.  People  disappear,  and  one  is  not 
encouraged  to  ask  about  them.  But  then 
people  disappear  for  many  causes  in  Caracuna. 
Politics  here  are  somewhat  —  well  —  Phila- 
delphian  in  method.  But  —  there  is  smoke 
rising  from  behind  Capo  Blanco." 

"What  is  there?"  inquired  the  girl. 

"The  lazaretto.  Still,  it  might  be  yellow 
fever,  or  only  smallpox.  The  Government  is 
not  generous  with  information.  To  have  plague 
discovered  now  would  be  very  disturbing  to  the 
worthy  plans  of  the  Hochwald  Legation.  For 
trade  purposes,  they  would  very  much  dislike 
to  have  the  port  closed  for  a  considerable  time 
by  quarantine.  The  Dutch  difficulty  they  can 

47 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

arrange  when  they  will.  But  quarantine  would 
bring  in  the  United  States,  and  that  is  quite 
another  matter.  Well,  we'll  see,  when  Dr. 
Pruyn  gets  here." 

"Who  is  he?"  asked  Carroll. 

"Special-duty  man  of  the  United  States 
Public  Health  Service.  The  best  man  on  tropi- 
cal diseases  and  quarantine  that  the  service  has 
ever  had." 

"That  is  n't  Luther  Pruyn,  is  it?  "  inquired 
Mr.  Brewster. 

"The  same.  Do  you  know  him?" 

"Yes." 

"More  than  I  do,  except  by  reputation." 

"He  was  in  my  class  at  college,  but  I  have  n't 
seen  him  since.  I'd  be  glad  to  see  him  again.  A 
queer,  dry  fellow,  but  character  and  grit  to  his 
backbone." 

"I'd  supposed  he  was  younger,"  said  Sher- 
wen.  "Anyway,  he's  comparatively  new  to  the 
service.  His  rise  is  the  more  remarkable.  At 
present,  he's  not  only  our  quarantine  repre- 
sentative, with  full  powers,  but  unofficially  he 
acts,  while  on  his  roving  commission,  for  the 
British,  the  Dutch,  the  French,  and  half  the 

48 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

South  American  republics.  I  suppose  he's 
really  the  most  important  figure  in  the  Cara- 
cufia  crisis  —  and  he  has  n't  even  got  here  yet. 
Perhaps  our  Hochwaldian  friends  have  cap- 
tured him  on  the  quiet.  It  would  pay  'em, 
for  if  there  is  plague  here,  he'll  certainly  trail  it 
down." 

"Oh,  I'm  tired  of  plague,"  announced  Miss 
Polly.  "Bring  the  others  here  and  let's  all  go 
over  to  the  plaza,  where  it's  cool." 

To  their  open  and  obvious  delight,  exhibited 
jauntily  by  the  Englishman,  with  awkward  and 
admiring  respectfulness  by  the  ball-player,  and 
with  graceful  ease  by  the  handsome  Caracunan, 
the  rest  were  invited  to  join  the  party. 

"Don't  let  them  scare  you  about  plague, 
Miss  Brewster,"  said  Cluff,  as  they  found  their 
chairs.  "  Foreigners  don't  get  it  much." 

"Oh,  I'm  not  afraid!  But,  anyway,  we 
should  n't  have  time  to  catch  even  a  cold.  We 
leave  to-morrow." 

The  men  exchanged  glances. 

"How?"  inquired  Sherwen  and  Raimonda 
in  a  breath. 

"In  the  yacht,  from  Puerto  del  Norte." 
49 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Not  if  it  were  a  British  battleship,"  said 
Galpy.  "Port's  closed." 

"What?  Quarantine  already?"  said  Carroll. 

"Quarantine  be  blowed!  It's  the  Dutch." 

"I  thought  you  knew,"  said  Sherwen.  "All 
the  town  is  ringing  with  the  news.  It  just  came 
in  to-night.  Holland  has  declared  a  blockade 
until  Caracufia  apologizes  for  the  interference 
with  its  cable." 

"And  nothing  can  pass?"  asked  Mr.  Brew- 
ster. 

"Nothing  but  an  aeroplane  or  a  submarine." 

There  was  a  silence.  Miss  Polly  Brewster 
broke  it  with  a  curious  question :  — 

"What  day  is  day  after  to-morrow?" 

Several  voices  had  answered  her,  but  she 
paid  little  heed,  for  there  had  slipped  over  her 
shoulder  a  brown  thin  hand  holding  a  cunningly 
woven  closed  basket  of  reedwork.  A  soft 
voice  murmured  something  in  Spanish. 

"What  does  he  say?"  asked  the  girl.  "For 
me?" 

"He  thinks  it  must  be  for  you,"  translated 
Raimonda,  "from  the  description." 

"What  description?" 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"He  was  told  to  go  to  the  hotel  and  deliver 
it  to  the  most  beautiful  lady.  There  could 
hardly  be  any  mistaking  such  specific  instruc- 
tions even  by  an  ignorant  mountain  peon,"  he 
added,  smiling. 

The  girl  opened  the  curious  receptacle,  and 
breathed  a  little  gasp  of  delight.  Bedded  in 
fern,  lay  a  mass  of  long  sprays  aquiver  with 
bells  of  the  purest,  most  lucent  white,  each 
with  a  great  glow  of  gold  at  its  heart. 

"Ah,"  observed  the  young  Caracufian,  "I 
see  that  you  are  persona  grata  with  our  worthy 
President,  Miss  Brewster." 

"President  Fortune?"  asked  the  girl,  sur- 
prised. "No;  not  that  I'm  aware  of.  Why  do 
you  say  that?" 

"That  is  his  special  orchid  —  almost  the  offi- 
cial flower.  They  call  it  *  the  President's  orchid.' " 

"Has  he  a  monopoly  of  growing  them?" 
asked  Miss  Brewster. 

"No  one  can  grow  them.  They  die  when 
transplanted  from  their  native  cliffs.  But  it's 
only  the  President's  rangers  who  are  daring 
enough  to  get  them." 

"Are  they  so  inaccessible?" 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Yes.  They  grow  nowhere  but  on  the  cliff 
faces,  usually  in  the  wildest  part  of  the  moun- 
tains. Few  people  except  the  hunters  and 
mountaineers  know  where,  and  it's  only  the 
most  adventurous  of  them  who  go  after  the 
flowers." 

"Do  you  suppose  this  boy  got  these?"  Miss 
Brewster  indicated  the  shy  and  dusky  mes- 
senger. 

Raimonda  spoke  to  the  boy  for  a  moment. 

"No;  he  did  n't  collect  them.  Nor  is  he  one 
of  the  President's  men.  I  don't  quite  under- 
stand it." 

"Who  did  gather  them?" 

"All  that  he  will  say  is,  'the  master." 

"Oh!"  said  Miss  Brewster,  and  retired  into 
a  thoughtful  silence. 

"They're  very  beautiful,  are  n't  they?"  con- 
tinued the  Caracunan.  "And  they  carry  a 
pretty  sentiment." 

"Tell  me,"  commanded  the  girl,  emerging 
from  her  reverie. 

"The  mountaineers  say  that  their  fragrance 
casts  a  spell  which  carries  the  thought  back 
to  the  giver." 

5* 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Is  that  the  language  of  science?"  she 
queried  absently,  with  a  thought  far  away. 

"But  no,  senorita,  assuredly  not,"  said  the 
young  Caracuiian.  "It  is  the  language  —  per- 
mit that  I  say  it  better  in  French  —  c'est  le 
langage  d'amour." 


Ill 

THE    BETTER    PART    OF    VALOR 

NIGHT  fell  with  the  iron  clangor  of  bells, 
and  day  broke  to  the  accompaniment 
of  further  insensate  jangling,  for  Caracufia 
City  has  the  noisiest  cathedral  in  the  world; 
and  still  the  graceful  gray  yacht  Polly  lay  in 
the  harbor  at  Puerto  del  Norte,  hemmed  in  by 
a  thin  film  of  smoke  along  the  horizon  where 
the  Dutch  warship  promenaded. 

In  one  of  the  side  caverns  off  the  main  din- 
ing-room of  the  Hotel  Kast,  the  yacht's  owner, 
breakfasting  with  the  yacht's  tutelary  goddess 
and  the  goddess's  determined  pursuer,  dis- 
cussed the  blockade.  Though  Miss  Polly  Brew- 
ster  kept  up  her  end  of  the  conversation,  her 
thoughts  were  far  upon  a  breeze-swept  moun- 
tain-side. How,  she  wondered,  had  that  dry 
and  strange  hermit  of  the  wilds  known  the  news 
before  the  city  learned  it?  With  her  wonder 
came  annoyance  over  her  lost  wager.  The 
beetle  man,  she  judged,  would  be  coolly  superior 
about  it.  So  she  delivered  herself  of  sundry 

54 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

stinging  criticisms  regarding  the  conduct  of  the 
Caracunan  Administration  in  having  stupidly 
involved  itself  in  a  blockade.  She  even  spoke 
of  going  to  see  the  President  and  apprising  him 
of  her  views. 

"I'd  like  to  tell  him  how  to  run  this  foolish 
little  island,"  said  she,  puckering  a  quaintly 
severe  brow. 

"Now  is  the  appointed  time  for  you  to  plunge 
in  and  change  the  course  of  empire,"  her  father 
suggested  to  her.  "There's  an  official  morning 
reception  at  ten  o'clock.  We're  invited." 

"Then  I  shan't  go.  I  would  n't  give  the  old 
goose  the  satisfaction  of  going  to  his  fiesta" 

"Meaning  the  noble  and  patriotic  Presi- 
dent?" said  Carroll.  "Treason  most  foul!  The 
cuartels  are  full  of  chained  prisoners  who  have 
said  less," 

"Father  can  go  with  Mr.  Sherwen.  I  shall 
do  some  important  shopping,"  announced 
Miss  Brewster.  "And  I  don't  want  any  one 
along." 

Thus  apprised  of  her  intentions,  Carroll 
wrapped  himself  in  gloom,  and  retired  to  write 
a  letter. 

55 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Miss  Polly's  shopping,  being  conducted 
mainly  through  the  medium  of  the  sign  lan- 
guage, presently  palled  upon  her  sensibilities, 
and  about  twelve  o'clock  she  decided  upon  a 
drive.  Accordingly  she  stepped  into  one  of  the 
pretty  little  toy  victorias  with  which  the  city 
swarms. 

"Para  donde?"  inquired  the  driver. 

His  fare  made  an  expansive  gesture,  signi- 
fying "Anywhere."  Being  an  astute  person  in 
his  own  opinion,  the  Jehu  studied  the  pretty 
foreigner's  attire  with  an  appraising  eye,  pro- 
foundly estimated  that  so  much  style  and  ele- 
gance could  be  designed  for  only  one  function 
of  the  day,  whirled  her  swiftly  along  the  two- 
mile  drive  of  the  Calvario  Road,  and  landed 
her  at  the  President's  palace,  half  an  hour 
after  the  reception  was  over.  Supposing  from 
the  coachman's  signs  that  she  was  expected  to 
go  in  and  view  some  public  garden,  she  paid 
him,  walked  far  enough  to  be  stopped  by  the 
apologetic  and  appreciative  guard,  and  re- 
turned to  the  highway,  to  find  no  carriage  in 
sight.  Never  mind,  she  reflected;  she  needed 
the  exercise.  Accordingly,  she  set  out  to  walk. 

56 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

But  the  noonday  sun  of  Caracuiia  has  a  bite 
to  it.  For  a  time,  Miss  Brewster  followed  the 
car  tracks  which  were  her  sure  guide  from  the 
palace  to  the  Kast;  briskly  enough,  at  first.  But, 
after  three  cars  had  passed  her,  she  began  to 
think  longingly  of  the  fourth.  When  it  stopped 
at  her  signal,  it  was  well  filled.  The  most  prom- 
ising ingress  appeared  to  be  across  the  block- 
ade of  a  robust  and  much-begilded  young  man, 
who  was  occupying  the  familiar  position  of  an 
"end-seat  hog,"  and  displaying  the  full  glories 
of  the  Hochwaldian  dress  uniform. 

Herr  von  Plaanden  was  both  sleepy  and 
cross,  for,  having  lingered  after  the  reception 
to  have  a  word  and  several  drinks  with  the 
Minister  of  Foreign  Affairs,  he  had  come  forth 
to  find  neither  coach  nor  automobile  in  attend- 
ance. There  had  been  nothing  for  it  but  the 
plebeian  trolley.  Accordingly,  when  he  heard 
a  foreign  voice  of  feminine  timbre  and  felt  a 
light  pressure  against  his  knee,  he  only  snorted. 
What  he  next  felt  against  his  knee  was  the  im- 
pact of  a  half-shove,  half-blow,  brisk  enough 
to  slue  him  around.  The  intruder  passed  by  to 
the  vacant  seat,  while  the  now  thoroughly 

57 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

awakened  and  annoyed  Hochwaldian  whirled, 
to  find  himself  looking  into  a  pair  of  expression- 
less brown  goggles. 

With  a  snort  of  fury,  the  diplomat  struck 
backward.  The  glasses  and  the  solemn  face  be- 
hind them  dodged  smartly.  The  next  moment, 
Herr  von  Plaanden  felt  his  neck  encircled  by 
a  clasp  none  the  less  warm  for  being  not  pre- 
cisely affectionate.  He  was  pinned.  Twisting, 
he  worked  one  arm  loose. 

"Be  careful!"  warned  the  cool  voice  of  Polly 
Brewster,  addressing  her  defender.  "He's  try- 
ing to  draw  his  sword." 

The  gogglesome  one's  grip  slid  a  little  lower. 
The  car  had  now  stopped,  and  the  conductor 
came  forward,  brandishing  what  was  apparently 
the  wand  of  authority,  designed  to  be  symbolic 
rather  than  utile,  since  at  no  point  was  it  thicker 
than  a  man's  finger.  From  a  safe  distance  on 
the  running-board,  he  flourished  this,  whooping 
the  while  in  a  shrill  and  dissuasive  manner. 
Somewhere  down  the  street  was  heard  a  re- 
sponsive yell,  and  a  small,  jerky,  olive-green 
policia  pranced  into  view. 

Thereupon  a  strange  thing  happened.  The 
58 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

rescuing  knight  relaxed  his  grip,  leaped  the 
back  of  his  seat,  dropped  off  the  car,  and  darted 
like  a  hunted  hare  across  a  compound,  around 
a  wall,  and  so  into  the  unknown,  deserting  his 
lady  fair,  if  not  precisely  in  the  hour  of  greatest 
need,  at  least  in  a  situation  fraught  with  un- 
toward possibilities.  Indeed,  it  seemed  as  if 
these  possibilities  might  promptly  become  ac- 
tualities, for  the  diplomat  turned  his  stimulated 
wrath  upon  the  girl,  and  was  addressing  her 
in  tones  too  emphatic  to  be  mistaken  when  a 
large  angular  form  interposed  itself,  landing 
with  a  flying  leap  on  the  seat  between  them. 

"Move!"  the  newly  arrived  one  briefly 
bade  Heir  von  Plaanden. 

Herr  von  Plaanden,  feeling  the  pressure  of  a 
shoulder  formed  upon  the  generous  lines  of  a 
gorilla's,  and  noting  the  approach  of  the  policia 
on  the  other  side,  was  fain  to  obey. 

"Don't  you  be  scared,  miss,"  said  Cluff, 
turning  to  the  girl.  "It's  all  over." 

"  I  'm  not  frightened,"  she  said,  with  a  catch 
in  her  voice. 

"Of  course  you  ain't,"  he  agreed  reassuringly. 
"You  just  sit  quiet — " 

59 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"But  I  —  I  —  Pm    mad,   clean   through." 

"You  gotta  right.  You  gotta  perfect  right. 
Now,  if  this  was  New  York,  I'd  spread  that 
gold-laced  guy's  face  — " 

"I'm  not  angry  at  him.  Not  particularly, 
I  mean." 

"No?"  queried  her  friend  in  need.  "What 
got  your  goat,  then?" 

Miss  Brews ter  shot  a  quick  and  scornful 
glance  over  her  shoulder. 

"Oh,  him!"  interpreted  the  athlete.  "Well, 
he  made  his  get-away  like  a  man  with  some 
reason  for  being  elsewhere." 

"Reason  enough.  He  was  afraid." 

"Maybe.  Being  af raid's  a  queer  thing," 
remarked  her  escort  academically.  "Now,  me, 
I'm  afraid  of  a  fuzzy  caterpillar.  But  I  ain't 
exactly  timid  about  other  things." 

"You  certainly  are  n't.  And  I  don't  know 
how  to  thank  you." 

"Aw,  that's  awright,  miss.  What  else  could 
I  do?  Our  departed  friend,  Professor  Goggle- 
Eye,  when  he  made  his  jump,  landed  right  in 
my  shirt  front.  'Take  my  place,'  he  says;  'I've 
got  an  engagement.'  Well,  I  was  just  moving 

60 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

forward,  anyway,  so  it  was  no  trouble  at  all,  I 
assure  you,"  asserted  the  doughty  Cluff,  achiev- 
ing a  truly  elegant  conclusion. 

"Most  fortunate  for  me,"  said  the  girl 
sweetly.  "Mr.  Perkins  scuttled  away  like  one 
of  his  own  little  wretched  beetles.  When  I  see 
him  again — " 

"Again?  Oh,  well,  if  he's  a  friend  of  yours, 
accourse  he'd  awtuv  stood  by  — " 

"He  is  n't!"  she  declared,  with  unnecessary 
vehemence. 

"Don't  you  be  too  hard  on  him,  miss,"  ar- 
gued her  escort.  "Seems  to  me  he  did  a  pretty 
good  job  for  you,  and  stuck  to  it  until  he  found 
some  one  else  to  take  it  up." 

"Then  why  did  n't  he  stand  by  you?" 

"Oh,  I  don't  carry  any  'Help-wanted'  signs 
on  me.  You  know,  miss,  you  can't  size  up  a 
man  in  this  country  like  he  was  at  home.  Now, 
me,  I'd  have  natcherly  hammered  that  Von 
Plaanden  gink  all  to  heh  —  heh  —  hash.  But 
did  I  do  it?  I  did  not.  You  see,  I  got  a  little 
mining  concession  out  here  in  the  mountains, 
and  if  I  was  to  get  into  any  diplomatic  mix-up 
and  bring  in  the  police,  it'd  be  bad  for  my 

61 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

business,  besides  maybe  getting  me  a  couple  of 
tons  of  bracelets  around  my  pretty  little  ankles. 
Like  as  not  your  friend,  Professor  Lamps,  has 
got  an  equally  good  reason  for  keeping  the 
peace." 

"Do  you  mean  that  this  man  will  make 
trouble  for  you  over  this?" 

"Not  as  things  stand.  So  long  as  nothing 
was  done  —  no  arrests  or  anything  like  that — 
he'll  be  glad  to  forget  it,  when  he  sobers  up. 
I'll  forget  it,  too,  and  maybe,  miss,  it  would  n't 
be  any  harm  to  anybody  if  you  did  a  turn  at 
forgetting,  yourself." 

But  neither  by  the  venturesome  Miss  Polly 
nor  by  her  athlete  servitor  was  the  episode  to 
be  so  readily  dismissed.  Late  that  afternoon, 
when  the  Brewster  party  were  sitting  about 
iced  fruit  drinks  amid  the  dingy  and  soiled 
elegance  of  the  Kast's  one  private  parlor,  Mr. 
Sherwen's  card  arrived,  followed  shortly  by 
Mr.  Sherwen's  immaculate  self,  creaseless 
except  for  one  furrow  of  the  brow. 

"How  you  are  going  to  get  out  of  here  I  really 
don't  know,"  he  said. 

"Why  should  we  hurry?"  inquired  Miss 
62 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Brewster.  "I  don't  find  Caracuna  so  uninter- 
esting." 

"Never  since  I  came  here  has  it  been  so 
charming,"  said  the  legation  representative, 
with  a  smiling  bow.  "But,  much  as  your  party 
adds  to  the  landscape,  I  'm  not  at  all  sure  that 
this  city  is  the  most  healthful  spot  for  you  at 
present." 

"You  mean  the  plague?"  asked  Mr.  Brew- 
ster. 

"Not  quite  so  loud,  please.  *  Healthful,'  as 
I  used  it,  was,  in  part,  a  figure  of  speech.  Some- 
thing is  brewing  hereabout." 

"Not  a  revolution?"  cried  Miss  Polly,  with 
eyes  alight.  "Oh,  do  brew  a  revolution  for  me! 
I  should  so  adore  to  see  one!" 

"Possibly  you  may,  though  I  hardly  think 
it.  Some  readjustment  of  foreign  relations,  at 
most.  The  Dutch  blockade  is,  perhaps,  only  a 
beginning.  However,  it's  sufficient  to  keep 
you  bottled  up,  though  if  we  could  get  word  to 
them,  I  dare  say  they  would  let  a  yacht  go  out." 

"Senator  Richland,  of  the  Committee  on 
Foreign  Relations,  is  an  old  friend  of  my  family,5* 
said  Carroll,  in  his  measured  tones.  "  A  cable — " 

63 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Would  probably  never  get  through.  This 
Government  would  n't  allow  it.  There  are 
other  possibilities.  Perhaps,  Mr.  Brewster," 
he  continued,  with  a  side  glance  at  the  girl, 
"we  might  talk  it  over  at  length  this  even- 
ing." 

"Quite  useless,  Mr.  Sherwen,"  smiled  the 
magnate.  "Polly  would  have  it  all  out  of  me 
before  I  was  an  hour  older.  She  may  as  well 
get  it  direct." 

"Very  well,  then.  It's  this  quarantine  busi- 
ness. If  Dr.  Pruyn  comes  here  and  declares 
bubonic  plague  — " 

"But  how  will  he  get  in?"  asked  Carroll. 

"So  far  as  the  blockade  goes,  the  Dutch  will 
help  him  all  they  can.  But  this  Government 
will  keep  him  out,  if  possible." 

"He  is  not  persona  grata?"  asked  Brewster. 

"Not  with  any  of  the  countries  that  play 
politics  with  pestilence.  But  if  he's  sent  here, 
he  '11  get  in  some  way.  In  fact,  Stark,  the  public- 
health  surgeon  at  Puerto  del  Norte,  let  fall  a 
hint  that  makes  me  think  he's  on  his  way  now. 
Probably  in  some  cockleshell  of  a  small  boat 
manned  by  Indian  smugglers." 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"It  sounds  almost  too  adventurous  for  the 
scholarly  Pruyn  whom  I  recall,"  observed  Mr. 
Brewster. 

"The  man  who  went  through  the  cholera 
anarchy  on  the  lazar  island  off  Camacho,  with 
one  case  of  medical  supplies  and  two  boxes  of 
cartridges,  may  have  been  scholarly;  he  cer- 
tainly did  n't  exhibit  any  distaste  for  adven- 
ture. Well,  I  wish  he'd  arrive  and  get  some- 
thing settled.  Only  I  'd  like  to  have  you  out  of 
the  way  first." 

"Oh,  don't  send  me  away,  Mr.  Sherwen," 
pleaded  Miss  Polly,  with  mischief  in  her  eyes. 
"  I  'd  make  the  cunningest  little  office  assistant 
to  busy  old  Dr.  Pruyn.  And  he's  a  friend  of 
dad's,  and  we  surely  ought  to  wait  for  him." 

"If  only  I  could  send  you!  The  fact  is, 
Americans  won't  be  very  popular  if  matters 
turn  out  as  I  expect." 

"Shall  we  be  confined  to  our  rooms  and  kept 
incomunicado,  while  Dr.  Pruyn  chases  the 
terrified  germ  through  the  streets  of  Cara- 
cuna?"  queried  the  irrepressible  Polly. 

"You'll  probably  have  to  move  to  the  lega- 
tion, where  you  will  be  very  welcome,  but  none 

65 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

too  comfortable.    The  place  has  been  practi- 
cally closed  and  sealed  for  two  months." 

"I'm  sure  we  should  bother  you  dread- 
fully," said  the  girl. 

"It  would  bother  me  more  dreadfully  if  you 
got  into  any  trouble.  Just  this  morning  there 
was  some  kind  of  an  affair  on  a  street  car  in 
which  some  Americans  were  involved." 

Miss  Polly's  countenance  was  a  design  —  a 
very  dainty  and  ornamental  design  —  in  insou- 
ciance as  her  father  said :  — 

"Americans?  Any  one  we  have  met?" 

"No  news  has  come  to  me.  I  understand  one 
of  the  diplomatic  corps,  returning  from  the 
President's  matinee,  spoke  to  an  American 
woman,  and  an  American  man  interfered." 

"When  did  this  happen?"  asked  Carroll. 

"About  noon.  Inquiries  are  going  on  quietly." 

The  young  man  directed  a  troubled  and  ac- 
cusing look  from  his  fine  eyes  upon  Miss  Brew- 
ster. 

"You  see,  Miss  Polly,"  he  said,  "no  lady 
should  go  about  unprotected  down  here." 

"Ordinarily  it's  as  safe  as  any  city,"  said 
Sherwen.  "Just  now  I  can't  be  so  certain/* 

66 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"I  hate  being  watched  over  like  a  child!" 
pouted  Miss  Brewster.  "And  I  love  sight- 
seeing alone.  The  flowers  along  the  Calvario 
Road  were  so  lovely. " 

"That's  the  road  to  the  palace,"  remarked 
Carroll,  looking  at  her  closely. 

"And  the  butterflies  are  so  marvelous," 
she  continued  cheerfully.  "Who  lives  in  that 
salmon-pink  pagoda  just  this  side  of  the  curve  ? " 

Trouble  sat  dark  and  heavy  upon  the  hand- 
some features  of  Mr.  Preston  Fairfax  Fitzhugh 
Carroll,  but  he  was  too  experienced  to  put  a 
direct  query  to  his  inamorata.  What  suspicion 
he  had,  he  cherished  until  after  dinner,  when 
he  took  it  to  the  club  and  made  it  the  founda- 
tion of  certain  inquiries. 

Thus  it  happened  that  at  eleven  o'clock  that 
evening,  he  paused  before  a  bench  in  the  plaza, 
bowered  in  the  bloom  of  creepers  which  flowed 
down  from  a  balcony  of  the  Kast,  and  occupied 
by  the  comfortably  sprawled-out  form  of  Mr. 
Thomas  Cluff,  who  was  making  a  burnt  offer- 
ing to  Morpheus. 

"Good-evening!"  said  Mr.  Carroll  pleas- 
antly. 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Evenin'!  How's  things?"  returned  the 
other. 

"Right  as  can  be,  thanks  to  you.  On  behalf 
of  the  Brewster  family,  I  want  to  express  our 
appreciation  of  your  assistance  to  Miss  Brew- 
ster this  morning." 

"Oh,  that  was  nothing,"  returned  the  other. 

"But  it  might  have  been  a  great  deal.  Mr. 
Brewster  will  wish  to  thank  you  in  person  — " 

"Aw,  forget  it!"  besought  Mr.  Thomas 
Cluff.  "That  little  lady  is  all  right.  Fd  just 
as  soon  eat  an  ambassador,  let  alone  a  gilt- 
framed  secretary,  to  help  her  out." 

"Miss  Brewster,"  said  the  other,  somewhat 
more  stiffly,  "is  a  wholly  admirable  young 
lady,  but  she  is  not  always  well  advised  in  going 
out  unescorted.  By  the  way,  you  can  doubtless 
confirm  the  rumor  as  to  the  identity  of  her 
insulter." 

"His  name  is  Von  Plaanden.  But  I  don't 
think  he  meant  to  insult  any  one." 

"You  will  permit  me  to  be  the  best  judge  of 
that." 

"Go  as  far  as  you  like,"  asserted  the  big  fel- 
low cheerfully.  "That  fellow  Perkins  can  tell 

68 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

you  more  about  the  start  of  the  thing  than  I 


can." 


"From  what  I  hear,  he  has  no  cause  to  be 
proud  of  his  part  in  the  matter,"  said  the 
Southerner,  frowning. 

"He's  sure  a  prompt  little  runner,"  asserted 
Cluff.  "But  I've  run  away  in  my  time,  and 
glad  of  the  chance." 

"You  will  excuse  me  from  sympathizing 
with  your  standards." 

"  Sure,  you  're  excused, "  returned  the  athlete, 
so  placidly  that  Carroll,  somewhat  at  a  loss, 
altered  his  speech  to  a  more  gracious  tone. 

"  At  any  rate,  you  stood  your  ground  when 
you  were  needed,  which  is  more  than  Mr.  Per- 
kins did.  I  should  like  to  have  a  talk  with 
him." 

"That's  easy.  He  was  rambling  around  here 
not  a  quarter  of  an  hour  ago  with  young  Rai- 
monda.  That's  them  sitting  on  the  bench  over 
by  the  fountain." 

"Will  you  take  me  over  and  present  me?  I 
think  it  is  due  Mr.  Perkins  that  some  one  should 
give  him  a  frank  opinion  of  his  actions." 

"I'd  like  to  hear  that,"  observed  Cluff,  who 
69 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

was  not  without  humanistic  curiosity.   "Come 
along. " 

Heaving  up  his  six-feet-one  from  the  seat,  he 
led  the  way  to  the  two  conversing  men.  Rai- 
monda  looked  around  and  greeted  the  new- 
comers pleasantly.  Cluff  waved  an  explanatory 
hand  between  his  charge  and  the  bench. 

"Make  you  acquainted  with  Mr.  Perkins," 
he  said,  neglecting  to  mention  the  name  of  the 
first  party  of  the  introduction. 

Perkins,  goggling  upward  to  meet  a  coldly 
hostile  glance,  rose,  nodded  in  some  wonder, 
and  said:  "How  do  you  do?"  Raimonda  sent 
Cluff  a  glance  of  interrogation,  to  which  that 
experimentalist  in  human  antagonisms  re- 
sponded with  a  borrowed  Spanish  gesture  of 
pleasurable  uncertainty. 

"I  will  not  say  that  I'm  glad  to  meet  you, 
Mr.  Perkins,"  began  Carroll  weightily,  and 
paused. 

If  he  expected  a  query,  he  was  doomed  to  a 
disappointment.  Such  of  the  Perkins  features  as 
were  not  concealed  by  his  extraordinary  glasses 
expressed  an  immovable  calm. 

"Doubtless  you  know  to  what  I  refer." 
70 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Still  those  blank  brown  glasses  regarded  him 
in  silence. 

"Do  you  or  do  you  not?"  demanded  Carroll, 
struggling  to  keep  his  temper  in  the  face  of  this 
exasperating  irresponsiveness. 

"Have  n't  the  least  idea,"  replied  Perkins 
equably. 

"You  were  on  the  tram 'this  morning  when 
Miss  Brewster  was  insulted,  were  n't  you  ? " 

"Yes." 

"And  ran  away?" 

"I  did." 

"What  did  you  run  away  for?" 

"I  ran  away,"  the  other  sweetly  informed 
him,  "on  important  business  of  my  own." 

Cluff  snickered.  The  suspicion  impinged 
upon  Carroll's  mind  that  this  was  n't  going 
to  be  as  simple  as  he  had  expected. 

"Let  that  go  for  the  moment.  Do  you  know 
Miss  Brewster's  insulter?" 

"No." 

"Are  you  telling  me  the  truth?"  asked  the 
Southerner  sternly. 

The  begoggled  one's  chin  jerked  up.  To 
the  trained  eye  of  Cluff,  swift  to  interpret 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

physical  indications,  it  seemed  that  Perkins's 
weight  had  almost  imperceptibly  shifted  its 
center  of  gravity. 

"Our  Southern  friend  is  going  to  run  into 
something  if  he  does  n't  look  out,"  he  reflected. 

But  there  was  no  hint  of  trouble  in  Perkins's 
voice  as  he  replied :  — 

"I  know  who  he  is.   I  don't  know  him." 

"WasitVonPlaanden?" 

"Why  do  you  want  to  know?" 

"Because,"  returned  the  other,  with  con- 
vincing coolness,  "if  it  was,  I  intend  to  slap  his 
face  publicly  as  soon  as  I  can  find  him." 

"You  must  do  nothing  of  the  sort." 

Now,  indeed,  there  was  a  change  in  the 
other's  bearing.  The  words  came  sharp  and 
crisp. 

"I  shall  do  exactly  as  I  said.  Perhaps  you 
will  explain  why  you  think  otherwise." 

"Because  you  must  have  some  sense  some- 
where about  you.  Do  you  realize  where  you 
are?" 

"I  hardly  think  you  can  teach  me  geography, 
or  anything  else,  Mr.  Perkins." 

"Well,  good  God,"  said  the  other  sharply, 
72 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"somebody's  got  to  teach  you!  What  do  you 
suppose  would  be  the  result  of  your  slapping 
Von  Plaanden's  face?" 

"Whatever  it  may  be,  I  am  ready.  I  will 
fight  him  with  any  weapons,  and  gladly." 

"Oh,  yes;  gladly!  Fun  for  you,  all  right. 
But  suppose  you  think  of  others  a  little." 

"Afraid  of  being  involved  yourself?"  smiled 
Carroll.  "I'm  sure  you  could  run  away  suc- 
cessfully from  any  kind  of  trouble." 

"Others  might  not  be  so  able  to  escape." 

"Of  course  I  'm  wholly  wrong,  and  my  train- 
ing and  traditions  are  absurdly  old-fashioned, 
but  I've  been  brought  up  to  believe  that  the 
American  who  will  run  from  a  fight,  or  who 
will  not  stand  up  at  home  or  abroad  for 
American  rights,  American  womanhood,  and 
the  American  flag,  is  n't  a  man." 

"Oh,  keep  it  for  the  Fourth  of  July,"  re- 
turned Perkins  wearily.  "You  can't  get  me 
into  a  fight." 

"Fight?"  Carroll  laughed  shortly.  "If  you 
had  the  traditions  of  a  gentleman,  you  would 
not  require  any  more  provocation." 

"If  I  had  the  traditions  of  a  deranged  doodle 
73 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

bug,  I  'd  go  around  hunting  trouble  in  a  country 
that  is  full  of  it  for  foreigners  —  even  those  who 
behave  themselves  like  sane  human  beings." 

"Meaning,  perhaps,  that  I'm  not  a  sane 
human  being?"  inquired  the  Southerner. 

"Do  you  think  you  act  like  it?  To  satisfy 
your  own  petty  vanity  of  courage,  you'd  in- 
volve all  of  us  in  difficulties  of  which  you  know 
nothing.  We  're  living  over  a  powder  magazine 
here,  and  you  want  to  light  matches  to  show 
what  a  hero  you  are.  Traditions!  Don't  you 
talk  to  me  about  traditions!  If  you  can  serve 
your  country  or  a  woman  better  by  running 
away  than  by  fighting,  the  sensible  thing  to  do 
is  to  run  away.  The  best  thing  you  can  do  is 
to  keep  quiet  and  let  Von  Plaanden  drop. 
Otherwise,  you'll  have  Miss  Brewster  the 
center  of — " 

"Keep  your  tongue  from  that  lady's  name!" 
warned  Carroll. 

"You're  giving  a  good  many  orders,"  said 
the  other  slowly.  "But  I  '11  do  almost  anything 
just  now  to  keep  you  peaceable,  and  to  con- 
vince you  that  you  must  let  Von  Plaanden 
strictly  alone." 

74 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Just  as  surely  as  I  meet  him,"  said 
the  Southerner  ominously,  "on  my  word  of 
honor — " 

"Wait  a  moment,"  broke  in  the  other 
sharply.  "Don't  commit  yourself  until  you've 
heard  me.  Just  around  the  corner  from  here 
is  a  cuartel.  It  is  n't  a  nice  clean  jail  like  ours 
at  home.  Fleas  are  the  pleasantest  companions 
in  the  place.  When  a  man  —  particularly  an 
obnoxious  foreigner  —  lands  there,  they  "&re 
rather  more  than  likely  to  forget  little  inciden- 
tals like  food  and  water.  And  if  he  should 
happen  to  be  of  a  nation  without  diplomatic 
representation  here,  as  is  the  case  with  the 
United  States  at  present,  he  might  well  lie 
there  incomunicado  until  his  hearing,  which 
might  be  in  two  days  or  might  not  be  for  a 
month.  Is  that  correct,  Mr.  Raimonda?" 

"Essentially,"  confirmed  the  Caracunan. 

"When  you  are  through  trying  to  frighten 
me  — "  began  Carroll  contemptuously. 

"Frighten  you?  I'm  not  so  foolish  as  to 
waste  time  that  way.  I  'm  trying  to  warn  you." 

"Are  you  quite  done?" 

"I  am  not.  On  my  honor — "  He  broke  off 
75 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

as  Carroll  smiled.  "  Smile  if  you  like,  but  be- 
lieve what  I  'm  telling  you.  Unless  you  agree  to 
keep  your  hands  and  tongue  off  Von  Plaanden 
I  '11  lay  an  information  which  will  land  you  in 
the  cuartel  within  an  hour." 

The  smile  froze  on  the  Southerner's  lips. 

"Could  he  do  that?"  he  asked  Raimonda. 

"I'm  afraid  he  could.  And,  really,  Mr.  Car- 
roll, he's  correct  in  principle.  In  the  present 
state  of  political  feeling,  an  assault  by  an  Amer- 
ican upon  the  representative  of  Hochwald  might 
seriously  endanger  all  of  your  party." 

"That's  right,"  Cluff  supported  him.  "I'm 
with  you  in  wanting  to  break  that  gold-frilled 
geezer's  face  up  into  small  sections,  but  it  just 
won't  do." 

With  an  effort,  Carroll  recovered  his  self- 
control. 

"Mr.  Raimonda,"  he  said  courteously,  "I 
give  you  my  word  that  there  will  be  no  trouble 
between  Herr  Von  Plaanden  and  myself,  of 
my  seeking,  until  Mr.  and  Miss  Brews ter  are 
safely  out  of  the  country." 

"That's  enough,"  said  Cluff  heartily.  "The 
rest  of  us  can  take  care  of  ourselves." 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Meantime,"  said  Raimonda,  "I  think  the 
whole  matter  can  be  arranged.  Von  Plaanden 
shall  apologize  to  Miss  Brewster  to-morrow. 
It  is  not  his  first  outbreak,  and  always  he  re- 
grets. My  uncle,  who  is  of  the  Foreign  Office, 
will  see  to  it." 

"Then  that's  settled,"  remarked  Perkins 
cheerfully. 

Carroll  turned  upon  him  savagely:  — 

"To  your  entire  satisfaction,  no  doubt,  now 
that  you've  shown  yourself  an  informer  as  well 


as—" 


"Easy  with  the  rough  stuff,  Mr.  Carroll," 
advised  Cluff,  his  good-natured  face  clouding. 
"We're  all  a  little  het  up.  Let's  have  a  drink, 
and  cool  down." 

"With  you,  with  pleasure.  I  shall  hope  to 
meet  you  later,  Mr.  Perkins,"  he  added  signifi- 
cantly. 

"Well,  I  hope  not,"  retorted  the  other.  "My 
voice  is  still  for  peace.  Meantime,  please  assure 
Miss  Brewster  for  me  — " 

"I  warned  you  to  keep  that  lady's  name 
from  your  lips." 

"You  did.  But  I  don't  know  by  what  author- 
77 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

ity.  You're  not  her  father,  I  suppose.  Are  you 
her  brother,  by  any  chance?" 

As  he  spoke,  Perkins  experienced  that  cu- 
rious feeling  that  some  invisible  person  was 
trying  to  catch  his  eye.  Now,  as  he  turned 
directly  upon  Carroll,  his  glance,  passing  over 
his  shoulder,  followed  a  broad  ray  of  light 
spreading  from  a  second-story  leaf-framed 
balcony  of  the  hotel.  There  was  a  stir  amid 
the  greenery.  The  face  of  the  Voice  appeared, 
framed  in  flowers.  Its  features  lighted  up  with 
mirth,  and  the  lips  formed  the  unmistakable 
monosyllable:  "Boo!"  . 

The  identification  was  complete —  "Boo  to 
a  goose." 

"Preston  Fairfax  Fitzhugh  Carroll!"  Un- 
wittingly he  spoke  the  name  aloud,  and,  un- 
fortunately, laughed. 

To  a  less  sensitive  temperament,  even,  than 
Carroll's,  the  provocation  would  have  been 
extreme.  Perkins  was  recalled  to  a  more  serious 
view  of  the  situation  by  the  choking  accents  of 
that  gentleman. 

"Take  off  your  glasses!" 

"What  for?" 

78 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Because  I'm  going  to  thrash  you  within 
an  inch  of  your  life!" 

"Gentlemen,  gentlemen ! "  cried  the  young  Ca- 
racufian.  "This  is  no  place  for  such  an  affair." 

Apparently  Perkins  held  the  same  belief. 
Stepping  aside,  he  abruptly  sat  down  on  the 
end  of  the  bench,  facing  the  fountain  and  not 
four  feet  from  it.  His  head  drooped  a  little 
forward;  his  hands  dropped  between  his  knees; 
one  foot — but  Cluff,  the  athlete,  was  the 
only  one  to  note  this — edged  backward  and 
turned  to  secure  a  firm  hold  on  the  pavement. 
Carroll  stepped  over  in  front  of  him  and  stood 
nonplused.  He  half  drew  his  hand  back,  then 
let  it  fall. 

"I  can't  hit  a  man  sitting  down,"  he  mut- 
tered distressfully. 

Perkins's  set  face  relaxed. 

"Running  true  to  tradition,"  he  observed, 
pleasantly  enough.  "  I  did  n't  think  you  would. 
See  here,  Mr.  Carroll,  I  'm  sorry  that  I  laughed 
at  your  name.  In  fact,  I  did  n't  really  laugh 
at  your  name  at  all.  It  was  at  something  quite 
different  which  came  into  my  mind  at  that 


moment." 


79 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Your  apology  is  accepted  so  far,"  returned 
the  other  stiffly.  "But  that  does  n't  settle  the 
other  account  between  us,  when  we  meet  again. 
Or  do  you  choose  to  threaten  me  with  jail  for 
that,  also?" 

"No.    It's  easier  to  keep  out  of  your  way." 

"Good  Lord!"  cried  the  Southerner  in  dis- 
gust. "Are  you  afraid  of  everything?" 

"Why,  no!"  Perkins  rose,  smiling  at  him 
with  perfect  equanimity.  "As  a  matter  of  fact, 
if  you're  interested  to  know,  I  was  n't  partic- 
ularly afraid  of  Von  Plaanden,  and,  if  I  may 
say  so  without  offense,  I'm  not  particularly 
afraid  of  you." 

Carroll  studied  him  intently. 

"By  Jove,  I  believe  you  are  n't!  I  give  it 
up!"  he  cried  desperately.  "You're  crazy,  I 
reckon  —  or  else  I  am."  And  he  took  himself 
off  without  the  formality  of  a  farewell  to  the 
others. 

Raimonda,  with  a  courteous  bow  to  his  com- 
panions, followed  him. 

Wearily  the  goggled  one  sank  back  in  his 
seat.  Cluff  moved  across,  planting  himself 
exactly  where  Carroll  had  stood. 

80 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Perkins!" 

"Eh?"  responded  the  sitter  absently. 

"What  would  you  do  if  I  should  bat  you  one 
in  the  eye?" 

"Eh,  what?" 

"What  would  you  do  to  me?" 

"You,  too?"  cried  the  bewildered  Perkins. 
"Why  on  earth— " 

"You'd  dive  into  my  knees,  would  n't  you, 
and  tip  me  over  backward?" 

"Oh,  that!"  A  slow  grin  overspread  the 
space  beneath  the  glasses.  "That  was  the 
idea." 

"I  know  the  trick.  It's  a  good  one  —  except 
for  the  guy  that  gets  it." 

"It  wouldn't  have  hurt  him.  He'd  have 
landed  in  the  fountain." 

"So  he  would.  What  then?" 

"Oh,  I'd  have  held  him  there  till  he  got 
cooled  off,  and  then  made  a  run  for  it.  A  wet 
man  can't  catch  a  dry  man." 

"Say,  son,  you're  a  dry  one,  all  right." 

"Eh?" 

"Wake  up!  I 'm  saying  you 're  all  right." 

"Much  obliged." 

81 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"You  certainly  took  enough  off  him  to  rile 
a  sheep.  Why  did  n't  you  do  it?" 

"Do  what?" 

"Tip  him  in." 

Perkins  glanced  upward  at  the  balcony  where 
the  vines  had  closed  upon  a  face  that  smiled. 

"Oh,"  he  said  mildly,  "he's  a  friead  ®f  a 
friend  of  mine." 


IV 

TWO    ON    A    MOUNTAIN-SIDE 

ORCHIDS  do  not,  by  preference,  grow 
upon  a  cactus  plant.  Little  though  she 
recked  of  botany.  Miss  Brewster  was  aware  of 
this  fundamental  truth.  Neither  do  they,  with- 
out extraneous  impulsion,  go  hurtling  through 
the  air  along  deserted  mountain-sides,  to  find  a 
resting-place  far  below;  another  natural-history 
fact  which  the  young  lady  appreciated  without 
being  obliged  to  consult  the  literature  of  the  sub- 
ject. Therefore,  when,  from  the  top  of  the  ap- 
pointed rock,  she  observed  a  carefully  composed 
bunch  of  mauve  Cattleyas  describe  a  parabola 
and  finally  join  two  previous  clusters  upon  the 
spines  of  a  prickly-pear  patch,  she  divined  some 
energizing  force  back  of  the  phenomenon. 
That  energizing  force  she  surmised  was  temper, 

"Fie!"  said  she  severely.  "Beetle  gentlemen 
should  control  their  little  feelings.  Naughty, 
naughty!" 

From  below  rose  a  fervid  and  startled  ex- 
clamation. 

83 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Naughtier,  naughtier!"  deprecated  the  visi- 
tor. "Are  these  the  cold  and  measured  terms  of 
science?" 

"You  have  n't  lived  up  to  your  bet,"  com- 
plained the  censured  one. 

"Indeed  I  have!  I  always  play  fair,  and  pay 
fair.  Here  I  am,  as  per  contract." 

"Nearly  half  an  hour  late." 

"Not  at  all.   Four-thirty  was  the  time." 

"And  it  is  now  three  minutes  to  five." 

"Making  twenty-seven  minutes  that  I've 
been  sitting  here  waiting  for  a  welcome." 

"Waiting?  Oh,  Miss  Brewster— " 

"I'm  not  Miss  Brewster.  I'm  a  voice  in 
the  wilderness." 

"Then,  Voice,  you  have  n't  been  there  more 
than  one  minute.  A  voice  is  n't  a  voice  until 
it  makes  a  noise  like  a  voice.  Q.E.D." 

"There  is  something  in  that  argument,"  she 
admitted.  "But  why  did  n't  you  come  up  and 
look  forme?" 

"Does  one  look  for  a  sound?" 

"Please  don't  be  so  logical.  It  tires  my  poor 
little  brain.  You  might  at  least  have  called." 

"That  would  have  been  like  holding  you  up 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 


for  payment  of  the  bet,  would  n't  it?  I  was 
waiting  for  you  to  speak." 

"Not  good  form  in  Caracufia.  The  seiior 
should  always  speak  first." 

"You  began  the  other  time,"  he  pointed 
out. 

"So  I  did,  but  that  was  under  a  misappre- 
hension. I  had  n't  learned  the  customs  of  the 
country  then.  By  the  way,  is  it  a  local  custom 
for  hermits  of  science  to  climb  breakneck 
precipices  for  golden-hearted  orchids  to  send 
to  casual  acquaintances?" 

"Is  that  what  you  are?"  he  queried  in  a 
slightly  depressed  tone. 

"What  on  earth  else  could  I  be?"  she  re- 
turned, amused. 

"Of  course.  But  we  all  like  to  pretend  that 
our  fairy  tales  are  permanent,  don't  we?" 

"I  can  readily  picture  you  chasing  beetles, 
but  I  can't  see  you  chasing  fairies  at  all,"  she 
asserted  positively. 

"Nor  can  I.  If  you  chase  them,  they  vanish. 
Every  one  knows  that." 

"Anyway,  your  orchids  were  fit  for  a  fairy 
queen.  I  have  n't  thanked  you  for  them  yet." 

8s 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Indeed  you  have.  Much  more  than  they 
deserve.  By  coming  here  to-day." 

"Oh,  that  was  a  point  of  honor.  Are  you 
going  to  let  those  lovely  purple  ones  wither  on 
that  prickly  plant  down  there?  Think  how 
much  better  they'd  look  pinned  on  me — if 
there  were  any  one  here  to  see  and  appreciate." 

If  this  were  a  hint,  it  failed  of  its  aim,  for, 
as  the  hermit  scuttled  out  from  his  shelter, 
looking  not  unlike  some  bulky  protrusive-eyed 
insect,  secured  the  orchids,  and  returned,  he 
never  once  glanced  up.  Safe  again  in  his  rock- 
bound  retreat,  he  spoke :  — 

"'Rapunzel,  Rapunzel,  let  down  your  hair." 

"So  you  do  know  something  of  fairies  and 
fairy  lore!"  she  cried. 

"Oh,  it  was  n't  much  more  than  a  hundred 
years  ago  that  I  read  my  Grimm.  In  the  story, 
only  one  call  was  necessary." 

"Well,  I  can't  spare  any  more  of  my  silken 
tresses.  I  brought  a  string  this  time.  Where's 
the  other  hair  line?" 

"I've  used  it  to  tether  a  fairy  thought  so 
that  it  can't  fly  away  from  me.  Draw  up 
slowly." 

86 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Thank  you  so  much,  and  I'm  so  glad  that 
you  are  feeling  better." 

"Better?" 

"  Yes.  Better  than  the  day  before  yesterday." 

"Day  before  yesterday?" 

"Bless  the  poor  man!  Much  anxious  waiting 
hath  bemused  his  wits.  He  thinks  he's  an 
echo." 

"But  I  was  all  right  the  day  before  yester- 
day." 

"You  were  n't.  You  were  a  prey  to  the 
most  thrilling  terrors.  You  were  a  moving 
picture  of  tender  masculinity  in  distress.  You 
let  bashfulness  like  a  worm  i'  th'  bud  prey  upon 
your  damask  cheek.  Have  you  a  damask  cheek? 
Stand  out!  I  wish  to  consider  you  impartially. 
You  need  n't  look  at  me,  you  know." 

"I'm  not  going  to,"  he  assured  her,  stepping 
forth  obediently. 

"Basilisk  that  I  am!"  she  laughed.  "How 
brown  you  are!  How  long  did  you  say  you'd 
been  here?  A  year?" 

"Fourteen  weary  Voiceless  months.  Not  on 
this  island,  you  know,  but  around  the  tropics." 

"Yet  you  look  vigorous  and  alert;  not  like 
87 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

the  men  I  Ve  seen  come  back  from  the  hot  coun- 
tries, all  languid  and  worn  out.  And  you  do 
look  clean." 

"Why  should  n't  I  be  clean?" 

"Of  course  you  should.  But  people  get  slack, 
don't  they,  when  they  live  off  all  alone  by 
themselves?  Still,  I  suppose  you  spruced  up  a 
little  forme?" 

"Nothing  of  the  sort,"  he  denied,  with  heat. 

"No?  Oh,  my  poor  little  vanity!  He  would  n't 
dress  up  for  us,  Vanity,  though  we  did  dress 
up  for  him,  and  we're  looking  awfully  nice  — 
for  a  voice,  that  is.  Do  you  always  keep  so  soft 
and  pink  and  smooth,  Mr.  Beetle  Man?" 

"I  own  a  razor,  if  that's  what  you  mean. 
You  're  making  fun  of  me.  Well,  7  don't  mind." 
He  lifted  his  voice  and  chanted :  — 

"  Although  beyond  the  pale  of  law, 
He  always  kept  a  polished  jaw; 
For  he  was  one  of  those  who  saw 
A  saving  hope 
In  shaving  soap." 

"Oh,  lovely!  What  a  noble  finish.  What  is 
it?" 

"Extract  from  'Biographical  Blurbings.'" 
88 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Autobiographical  ? " 

"Yes.  By  Me." 

"And  are  you  beyond  the  pale  of  law?" 

"Poetical  license,"  he  explained  airily.  "Hold 
on,  though."  He  fell  silent  a  moment,  and  out 
of  that  silence  came  a  short  laugh.  "  I  suppose 
I  am  beyond  the  pale  of  law,  now  that  I  come 
to  think  of  it.  But  you  need  n't  be  alarmed. 
I'm  not  a  really  dangerous  criminal." 

Later  she  was  to  recall  that  confession  with 
sore  misgivings.  Now  she  only  inquired  lightly: 

"Is  that  why  you  ran  away  from  the  tram 
car  yesterday?" 

"Ran  away?  I  did  n't  run  away,"  he  said, 
with  dignity.  "It  just  happened  that  there 
came  into  my  mind  an  important  engagement 
that  I  'd  forgotten.  My  memory  is  n't  what 
it  should  be.  So  I  just  turned  over  the  matter 
in  hand  to  an  acquaintance  of  mine." 

"The  matter  in  hand  being  me." 

"Why,  yes;  and  the  acquaintance  being  Mr. 
Guff .  I  saw  him  throw  four  men  out  of  a  hotel 
once  for  insulting  a  girl,  so  I  knew  that  he  was 
much  better  at  that  sort  of  thing  than  I.  May 
I  go  back  now  and  sit  down?" 

89 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Of  course.  I  don't  know  whether  I  ought 
to  thank  you  about  yesterday  or  be  very  angry. 
It  was  such  an  extraordinary  performance  on 
your  part — " 

"Nothing  extraordinary  about  it."  His  voice 
came  up  out  of  the  shadow,  full  of  judicial 
confidence.  "Merely  sound  common  sense." 

"To  leave  a  woman  who  has  been  insulted — " 

"  In  more  competent  hands  than  one's  own." 

"Oh,  I  give  it  up!"  she  cried.  "I  don't  un- 
derstand you  at  all.  Fitzhugh  is  right;  you 
have  n't  a  tradition  to  your  name." 

"Tradition,"  he  repeated  thoughtfully. 
"Why,  I  don't  know.  They're  pretty  rigid 
things,  traditions.  Rusty  in  the  joints  and  all 
that  sort  of  thing.  Life  is  n't  a  process  of 
machinery,  exactly.  One  has  to  meet  it  with 
something  more  supple  and  adjustable  than 
traditions." 

"Is  that  your  philosophy?  Suppose  a  man 
struck  you.  Would  n't  you  hit  him  back  ? " 

"Perhaps.   It  would  depend." 

"Or  insulted  your  country?  Don't  you  be- 
lieve that  men  should  be  ready  to  die,  if  neces- 
sary, in  such  a  cause?" 

90 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Some  men.  Soldiers,  for  instance.  They're 
paid  to." 

"Good  Heavens!  Is  it  all  a  question  of  pay 
in  your  mind  ?  Would  n't  you,  unless  you  were 
paid  for  it?" 

"How  can  I  tell  until  the  occasion  arises?" 

"Are  you  afraid?" 

"I  suppose  I  might  be." 

"Has  n't  the  man  any  blood  in  his  veins?" 
cried  his  inquisitor,  exasperated.  "Have  n't 
you  ever  been  angry  clear  through?" 

"Oh,  of  course;  and  sorry  for  it  afterward. 
One  is  likely  to  lose  one's  temper  any  time. 
It  might  easily  happen  to  me  and  drive  me  to 
make  a  fool  of  myself,  like  —  like — "  His 
voice  trailed  off  into  a  silence  of  embarrass- 
ment. 

"Like  Fitzhugh  Carroll.  Why  not  say  it? 
Well,  I  much  prefer  him  and  his  hot-headed- 
ness  to  you  and  your  careful  wisdom." 

"Of  course,"  he  acquiesced  patiently.  "Any 
girl  would.  It's  the  romantic  temperament." 

"And  yours  is  the  scientific,  I  suppose.  That 
does  n't  take  into  account  little  things  like 
patriotism  and  heroism,  does  it?  Tell  me,  have 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

you  actually  ever  admired  —  really  got  a  thrill 
out  of —  any  deed  of  heroism?" 

"Oh,  yes,"  he  replied  tranquilly.  "I've 
done  my  bit  of  hero  worship  in  my  time.  In 
fact,  I  Ve  never  quite  recovered  from  it." 

"No!  Really?  Do  go  on.  You're  growing 
more  human  every  minute." 

"Do  you  happen  to  know  anything  about 
the  Havana  campaign?" 

"Not  much.  It  never  seemed  to  me  anything 
to  brag  of.  Dad  says  the  Spanish-American 
War  grew  a  crop  of  newspaper-made  heroes, 
manufactured  by  reporters  who  really  took 
more  risks  and  showed  more  nerve  than  the  men 
they  glorified." 

"Spanish-American  War?  That  is  n't  what 
I  'm  talking  about.  I  'm  speaking  of  Walter  Reed 
'and  his  fellow  scientists,  who  went  down  there 
and  fought  the  mosquitoes." 

The  girl's  lip  curled. 

"So  that's  your  idea  of  heroism!  Scrubby 
peckers  into  the  lives  of  helpless  bugs!" 

"Have  you  the  faintest  idea  what  you  are 
talking  about?" 

His  voice  had  abruptly  hardened.  There  was 
92 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

an  edge  to  it;  such  an  edge  as  she  had  faintly 
heard  on  the  previous  night,  when  Carroll  had 
pressed  him  too  hard.  She  was  startled. 

"Perhaps  I  have  n't,"  she  admitted. 

"Then  it's  time  you  learned.  Three  Ameri- 
can doctors  went  down  into  that  pesthole  of  a 
Cuban  city  to  offer  their  lives  for  a  theory. 
Not  for  a  tangible  fact  like  the  flag,  or  for  glory 
and  fame  as  in  battle,  but  for  a  theory  that 
might  or  might  not  be  true.  There  was  n't  a 
day  or  a  night  that  their  lives  were  n't  at  stake. 
Carroll  let  himself  be  bitten  by  infected  mos- 
quitoes on  a  final  test,  and  grazed  death  by  a 
hair's  breadth.  Lazear  was  bitten  at  his  work, 
and  died  in  the  agony  of  yellow-fever  convul- 
sions, a  martyr  and  a  hero  if  ever  there  was  one. 
Because  of  them,  Havana  is  safe  and  livable 
now.  We  were  able  to  build  the  Panama  Canal 
because  of  their  work,  their — what  did  you 
call  it?  —  scrubby  peeking  into  the  lives  of — " 

"Don't!"  cried  the  girl.  "I  —  I'm  ashamed. 
I  did  n't  know." 

"How  should  you?"  he  said,  in  a  changed 
tone.  "We  Americans  set  up  monuments  to 
our  destroyers,  not  to  our  preservers,  of  life. 

93 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Nobody  knows  about  Walter  Reed  and  James 
Carroll  and  Jesse  Lazear  —  not  even  the  Ameri- 
can Government,  which  they  officially  served 
—  except  a  few  doctors  and  dried-up  entomolo- 
gists like  myself.  Forgive  me.  I  did  n't  mean 
to  deliver  a  lecture." 

There  was  a  long  pause,  which  she  broke 
with  an  effort, 

"Mr.  Beetle  Man?" 

"Yes,  Voice?" 

"I  —  I 'm  beginning  to  think  you  rather 
more  man  than  beetle  at  times." 

"Well,  you  see,  you  touched  me  on  a  point 
of  fanaticism,"  he  apologized. 

"Do  you  mind  standing  up  again  for  exami- 
nation? No,"  she  decided,  as  he  stepped  out 
and  stood  with  his  eyes  lowered  obstinately. 
"You  don't  seem  changed  to  outward  view. 
You  still  remind  me,"  with  a  ripple  of  irrepres- 
sible laughter,  "of  a  near-sighted  frog.  It's 
those  ridiculous  glasses.  Why  do  you  wear 
them?" 

"To  keep  the  sun  out  of  my  eyes." 

"And  the  moon  at  night,  I  suppose.  They're 
not  for  purposes  of  disguise?" 

94 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Disguise!  What  makes  you  say  that?"  he 
asked  quickly. 

"Don't  bark.  They'd  be  most  effective. 
And  they  certainly  give  your  face  a  truly 
weird  expression,  in  addition  to  its  other  detri- 
ments." 

"If  you  don't  like  my  face,  consider  my 
figure,"  he  suggested  optimistically.  "What's 
the  matter  with  that?" 

"Stumpy,"  she  pronounced.  "You're  all  in 
a  chunk.  It  does  look  like  a  practical  sort  of  a 
chunk,  though." 

"Don't  you  like  it?"  he  asked  anxiously. 

"Oh,  well  enough  of  its  kind."  She  lifted  her 
voice  and  chanted:  — 

"He  was  stubby  and  square, 
But  she  did  n't  much  care. 

"There's  a  verse  in  return  for  yours.  Mine's 
adapted,  though.  Examination's  over.  Wait. 
Don't  sit  down.  Now,  tell  me  your  opinion  of 


me." 


"Very  musical." 
"I'm  not  musical  at  all." 
"Oh,  I'm  considering  you  as  a  voice" 
"I'm  tired  of  being  just  a  voice.    Look  up 
95 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

here.  Do,"  she  pleaded.  "Turn  upon  me  those 
lucent  goggles. 

When  orbs  like  thine  the  soul  disclose, 
Tee-deedle-deedle-dee. 

Don't  be  afraid.  One  brief  fleeting  glance  ere 
we  part." 

"No,"  he  returned  positively.  "Once  is 
enough." 

"On  behalf  of  my  poor  traduced  features, 
I  thank  you  humbly.  Did  they  prove  as  bad 
as  you  feared?" 

"Worse.  I  've  hardly  forgotten  yet  what  you 
look  like.  Your  kind  of  face  is  bad  for  busi- 
ness." 

"What  ir  business?" 

"Have  n't  I  told  you?  I'm  a  scientist." 

"Well,  I'm  a  specimen.  No  beetle  that 
crawls  or  creeps  or  hobbles,  or  does  whatever 
beetles  are  supposed  to  do,  shows  any  greater 
variation  from  type  —  I  heard  a  man  say  that 
in  a  lecture  once — than  I  do.  Can't  I  interest 
you  in  my  case,  O  learned  one?  The  proper 
study  of  mankind  is  — " 

"Woman.  Yes,  I  know  all  about  that.  But 
I  'm  a  groundling." 

96 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Mr.  Beetle  Man,"  she  said,  in  a  tremulous 
voice,  "the  rock  is  moving." 

"  I  don't  feel  it.  Though  it  might  be  a  touch 
of  earthquake.  We  have  'em  often." 

"Not  your  rock.     The  tarantula  rock,  I 


mean." 


"Nonsense!  A  hundred  tarantulas  could  n't 
stir  it." 

"Well,  it  seems  to  be  moving,  and  that's 
just  as  bad.  I'm  tired  and  I'm  lonely.  Oh, 
please,  Professor  Scarab,  have  I  got  to  fall  on 
your  neck  again  to  introduce  a  little  human 
companionship  into  this  conversation?" 

"Caesar!  No!  My  shoulder's  still  lame. 
What  do  you  want,  anyway?" 

"  I  want  to  know  about  you  and  your  work. 
All  about  you." 

"Humph!  Well,  at  present  I'm  making 
some  microscopical  studies  of  insects.  That's 
the  reason  for  these  glasses.  The  light  is  so 
harsh  in  these  latitudes  that  it  affects  the 
vision  a  trifle,  and  every  trifle  counts  in  micros- 
copy." 

"Does  the  microscope  add  charm  to  the 
beetle?" 

97 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Some  day  I'll  show  you,  if  you  like.    Just 
now  it's  the  flea,  the  national  bird  of  Cara- 


cufia." 


"The  wicked  flea?" 

"Nobody  knows  how  wicked  until  he  has 
studied  him  on  his  native  heath." 

"Does  n't  the  flea  have  something  to  do 
with  plague?  They  say  there's  plague  in  the 
city  now.  You  knew  all  about  the  Dutch.  Do 
you  know  anything  about  the  plague?" 

"You've  been  listening  to  bolas" 

" What's  a  bola?" 

"A  bola  is  information  that  somebody  who 
is  totally  ignorant  of  the  facts  whispers  confi- 
dentially in  your  ear  with  the  assurance  that 
he  knows  it  to  be  authentic  —  in  other  words, 
a  lie." 

"Then  there  is  n't  any  plague  down  under 
those  quaint,  old,  red-tiled  roofs?" 

"Who  ever  knows  what's  going  on  under 
those  quaint,  old,  red-tiled  roofs  ?  No  foreigner, 
certainly." 

"Even  I  can  feel  the  mystery,  little  as  I've 
seen  of  the  place,"  said  the  girl. 

"Oh,  that's  the  Indian  of  it.  The  tiled  roofs 
98 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

are  Spanish;  the  speech  is  Spanish;  but  just 
beneath  roof  and  speech,  the  life  and  thought 
are  profoundly  and  unfathomably  Indian." 

"Not  with  all  the  Caracuiians,  surely.  Take 
Mr.  Raimonda,  for  instance." 

"Ah,  that's  different.  Twenty  families  of 
the  city,  perhaps,  are  pure-bloods.  There  are 
no  finer,  cleaner  fellows  anywhere  than  the 
well-bred  Caracuiians.  They  are  men  of  the 
world,  European  educated,  good  sportsmen, 
straight,  honorable  gentlemen.  Unfortunately 
not  they,  but  a  gang  of  mongrel  grafters  con- 
trol the  politics  of  the  country." 

"For  a  hermit  of  science,  you  seem  to  know 
a  good  deal  of  what  goes  on.  By  the  way,  Mr. 
Raimonda  called  on  me  —  on  us  last  evening." 

"So  he  mentioned.  Rather  serious,  that,  you 
know." 

"  Far  from  it.   He  was  very  amusing." 

"Doubtless,"  commented  the  other  dryly. 
"But  it  is  n't  fair  to  play  the  game  with  one 
who  does  n't  know  the  rules.  Besides,  what 
will  Mr.  Preston  Fairfax — " 

"For  a  professedly  shy  person,  you  certainly 
take  a  rather  intimate  tone." 

99 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Oh,  I'm  shy  only  under  the  baleful  influ- 
ence of  the  feminine  eye.  Besides,  you  set  the 
note  of  intimacy  when  you  analyzed  my  per- 
sonal appearance.  And  finally,  I  have  a  warm 
regard  for  young  Raimonda." 

"So  have  I,"  she  returned  maliciously. 
"Are  n't  you  jealous?" 

He  laughed. 

"Please  be  a  little  bit  jealous.  It  would  be 
so  flattering." 

"Jealousy  is  another  tradition  in  which  I 
don't  believe." 

"Then  I  can't  flirt  with  you  at  all?"  she 
sighed.  "After  taking  all  this  long  hot  walk 
to  see  you!" 

Plop!  The  sound  punctured  the  silence 
sharply,  though  not  loudly.  Some  large  fruit 
pod  bursting  on  a  distant  tree  might  have  made 
such  a  report. 

"What  was  that?"  asked  the  girl  curiously. 

"That?  Oh,  that  was  a  revolver  shot,"  he 
remarked. 

"Are  n't  you  casual!  Do  revolver  shots  mean 
nothing  to  you?" 

"That  one  shakes  my  soul's  foundations." 
100 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

His  tone  by  no  means  indicated  an  inner  cata- 
clysm. "It  may  mean  that  I  must  excuse  my- 
self and  leave.  Just  a  moment,  please." 

Passing  across  the  line  of  her  vision,  he  dis- 
appeared to  the  left.  When  she  next  heard  his 
voice,  it  was  almost  directly  above  her. 

"No,"  it  said.  "There's  no  hurry.  The 
flag's  not  up." 

"What  flag?" 

"The  flag  in  my  compound." 

"Can  you  see  your  home  from  here?" 

"Yes;  there's  a  ledge  on  the  cliff  that  gives 
a  direct  view." 

"I  want  to  come  up  and  see  it." 

"You  can't.  It's  much  too  hard  a  climb. 
Besides,  there  are  rock  devilkins  on  the 
way." 

"And  when  you  hear  a  shot,  you  go  up  there 
for  messages?" 

"Yes;   it's  my  telephone  system." 

"Who 'sat  the  other  end?" 

"The  peon  who  pretends  to  look  after  the 
quinta  for  me." 

"A  man!  No  man  can  keep  a  house  fit  to 
live  in,"  she  said  scornfully. 

101 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"I  know  it;  but  he's  all  IVe  got  in  the 
servant  line." 

"How  far  is  the  house  from  here?" 

"A  mile,  by  air.   Seven  by  trail  from  town." 

"Is  n't  it  lonely?" 

"Yes." 

Suddenly  she  felt  very  sorry  for  him.  There 
was  such  a  quiet,  conclusive  acceptance  of 
cheerlessness  in  the  monosyllable. 

"How  soon  must  you  go  back?" 

"Oh,  not  for  an  hour,  at  least." 

"If  it's  a  call,  it  must  be  an  important  one, 
so  far  from  civilization." 

"Not  necessarily.  Don't  you  ever  have  calls 
that  are  not  important?" 

No  answer  came. 

"Miss  Brewster!"  he  called.  "Oh,  Voice! 
You  have  n't  gone?" 

Still  no  response. 

"That  isn't  fair,"  he  complained,  making 
his  way  swiftly  down,  and  satisfying  himself 
by  a  peep  about  the  angle  commanding  her 
point  of  the  rock  that  she  had,  indeed,  vanished. 
Sadly  he  descended  to  his  own  nook  —  and 
jumped  back  with  a  half-suppressed  yell. 

102 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"You  need  n't  jump  out  of  your  skin  on  my 
account,"  said  Miss  Polly  Brewster,  with  a 
gracious  smile.  "I'm  not  a  devilkin." 

"You  are!  That  is  —  I  mean  —  I  —  I  — 
beg  your  pardon.  I  —  I  — " 

"The  poor  man's  having  another  bashful 
fit,"  she  observed,  with  malicious  glee.  "Did 
the  bold,  bad,  forward  American  minx  scare 
it  almost  out  of  its  poor  shy  wits?" 

"You  —  you  startled  me." 

"No!"  she  exclaimed,  in  wide-eyed  mock 
surprise.  "Who  would  have  supposed  it?  You 
did  n't  expect  me  down  here,  did  you?" 

Thereupon  she  got  a  return  shock. 

"Yes,  I  did,"  he  said;  "sooner  or  later." 

"Don't  fib.  Don't  pretend  that  you  knew 
I  was  here." 

"W-w-well,  no.  Not  just  now.  B-b-but 
I  knew  you  'd  come  if  —  if  —  if  I  pretended 
I  did  n't  want  you  to  long  enough." 

"Young  and  budding  scientist,"  said  she 
severely,  "you're  a  gay  deceiver.  Is  it  because 
you  have  known  me  in  some  former  existence 
that  you  are  able  thus  accurately  to  read  my 
character?" 

103 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Well,  I  knew  you  would  n't  stay  up  there 
much  longer." 

"I 'm  angry  at  you;  very  angry  at  you.  That 
is,  I  would  be  if  it  were  n't  that  you  really 
did  n't  mean  it  when  you  said  that  you  really 
did  n't  want  to  see  my  face  again." 

"Did  any  one  ever  see  your  face  once  with- 
out wanting  to  see  it  again  ? " 

"Ah,  bravo!"  She  clapped  her  hands  gayly. 
"Marvelous  improvement  under  my  tutelage! 
Where,  oh,  where  is  your  timidity  now?" 

"I  —  I  —  I  forgot,"  he  stammered.  "As 
long  as  I  don't  think,  I  'm  all  right.  Now,  you  — 
you  —  you've  gone  and  spoiled  me." 

"Oh,  the  pity  of  it!  Let's  find  some  mild, 
impersonal  topic,  then,  that  won't  embarrass 
you.  What  do  you  do  under  the  shadow  of 
this  rock,  in  a  parched  land?" 

"Work.  Besides,  it  is  n't  a  parched  land. 
Look  on  this  side." 

Half  a  dozen  steps  brought  her  around  the 
farther  angle,  where,  hidden  in  a  growth  of 
shrubbery,  lay  a  little  pool  of  fairy  loveliness. 

"That's  my  outdoor  laboratory." 

"A  dreamery,  I'd  call  it.  May  I  sit  down? 
104 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Are  there  devilkins  here?  There's  an  elfkin, 
anyway,"  she  added,  as  a  silvered  dragon-fly 
hovered  above  her  head  inquisitively  before 
darting  away  on  his  own  concerns. 

"One  of  my  friends  and  specimens.  I'm 
studying  his  methods  of  aviation  with  a  view 
to  making  some  practical  use  of  what  I  learn, 
eventually." 

"Really?  Are  you  an  inventor,  too?  I'm 
crazy  about  aviation." 

"Ah,  then  you'll  be  interested  in  this,"  he 
said,  now  quite  at  his  ease.  "You  know  that 
the  mosquito  is  the  curse  of  the  tropics." 

"Of  other  places,  as  well." 

"But  in  the  tropics  it  means  yellow  fever, 
Chagres  fever,  and  other  epidemic  illness. 
Now,  the  mosquito,  as  you  doubtless  realize, 
is  a  monoplane." 

"A  monoplane?"  repeated  the  girl,  in  some 
puzzlement.  "  How  a  monoplane  ? " 

"I  thought  you  claimed  some  knowledge  of 
aviation.  Its  wings  are  all  on  one  plane.  The 
great  natural  enemy  of  the  mosquito  is  the 
dragon-fly,  one  of  which  just  paid  you  a  visit. 
Now,  modern  warfare  has  taught  us  that  the 

105 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

most  effective  assailant  of  the  monoplane  is  a 
biplane.   You  know  that." 

"Y-y-yes,"  said  the  girl  doubtfully. 

"Therefore,  if  we  can  breed  a  biplane  dragon- 
fly in  sufficient  numbers,  we  might  solve  the 
mosquito  problem  at  small  expense." 

"I  don't  know  much  about  science,"  she 
began,  "but  I  should  hardly  have  supposed  — " 

"It's  curious  how  nature  varies  the  type  of 
aviation,"  he  continued  dreamily.  "Now,  the 
pigeon  is,  of  course,  a  Zeppelin;  whereas  the 
sea  urchin  is  obviously  a  balloon;  and  the 
thistledown  an  undirigible  — " 

"You're  making  fun  of  me!"  she  accused, 
with  sharp  enlightenment. 

"What  else  have  you  done  to  me  ever  since 
we  met?"  he  inquired  mildly. 

"Now  I  am  angry!  I  shall  go  home  at  once." 

A  second  far-away  plop!  set  a  period  to  her 
decision. 

"So  shall  I,"  said  he  briskly. 

"Does  that  signal  mean  hurry  up?"  she 
asked  curiously. 

"Well,  it  means  that  I'm  wanted.  You  go 
first.  When  will  you  come  again?" 

106 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Not  at  all." 

"Do  you  mean  that?" 

"Of  course.  I'm  angry.  Did  n't  I  tell  you 
that?  I  don't  permit  people  to  make  fun  of 
me.  Besides,  you  must  come  and  see  me  next. 
You  owe  me  two  calls.  Will  you?" 

"I  — I —  don't  know." 

"Afraid?" 

"Rather." 

"Then  you  must  surely  come  and  conquer 
this  cowardice.  Will  you  come  to-morrow?" 

"No;  I  don't  think  so." 

Miss  Brewster  opened  wide  her  eyes  upon 
h;oi.  She  was  little  accustomed  to  have  her 
invitations,  which  she  issued  rather  in  the  man- 
ner of  royal  commands,  thus  casually  received. 
Had  the  offender  been  any  other  of  her  ac- 
quaintance, she  would  have  dropped  the  matter 
and  the  man  then  and  there.  But  this  was  a 
different  species.  Graceful  and  tactful  he  might 
not  be,  but  he  was  honest. 

"Why?  "she  said. 

"I've  got  something  more  important  to  do." 

"You're  reverting  to  type  sadly.  What  is  it 
that's  so  important?" 

107 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Work." 

"You  can  work  any  time." 

"No.  Unfortunately  I  have  to  eat  and  sleep 


sometimes." 


The  implication  she  accepted  quite  seri- 
ously. 

"Are  you  really  as  busy  as  all  that?  I'm 
quite  conscience-stricken  over  the  time  I've 
wasted  for  you." 

"Not  wasted  at  all.  You  Ve  cheered  me  up." 

"That's  something.  But  you  won't  come 
to  the  city  to  be  cheered  up?" 

"Yes,  I  will.  When  I  get  time." 

"Perhaps  you  won't  find  rne  at  home." 

"Then  I'll  wait." 

"Good-bye,  then,"  she  laughed,  "until  your 
leisure  day  arrives." 

She  climbed  the  rock,  stepping  as  strongly 
and  surely  as  a  lithe  animal.  At  the  top,  the 
spirit  of  roguery,  ever  on  her  lips  and  eyes, 
struck  in  and  possessed  her  soul. 

"O  disciple  of  science!"  she  called. 

"Well?" 

"Can  you  see  me?" 

"Not  from  here." 

108 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Good!  I 'ma  Voice  again.  So  don't  be  timid. 
Will  you  answer  a  question?" 

"I've  answered  a  hundred  already.  One 
more  won't  hurt." 

"Have  you  ever  been  in  love?" 

"What?" 

"Don't  I  speak  plainly  enough?  Have  — 
you  —  ever  —  been  —  in  —  love  ? " 

"With  a  woman?" 

"Why,  yes,"  she  railed.  "With  a  woman,  of 
course.  I  don't  mean  with  your  musty  science." 

"No." 

"Well,  you  need  n't  be  violent.  Have  you 
ever  been  in  love  with  anything?" 

"Perhaps." 

"Oh,  perhaps!"  she  taunted.  "There  are 
no  perhapses  in  that.  With  what?" 

"With  what  every  man  in  the  world  is  in 
love  with  once  in  his  life,"  he  replied  thought- 
fully. 

She  made  a  little  still  step  forward  and 
peeped  down  at  him.  He  stood  leaning  against 
the  face  of  the  rock,  gazing  out  over  the  hot 
blue  Caribbean,  his  hat  pushed  back  and  his 
absurd  goggles  firm  and  high  on  his  nose.  His 

109 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

words  and  voice  were  in  preposterous  contrast 
to  his  appearance. 

"Riddle  me  your  riddle,"  she  commanded. 
"What  is  every  man  in  love  with  once  in  his 
life?" 

"An  ideal." 

"Ah!  And  your  ideal  —  where  do  you  keep 
it  safe  from  the  common  gaze?" 

"I  tether  it  to  my  heart  —  with  a  single 
hair,"  said  the  man  below. 

"Oh,"  commented  Miss  Brewster,  in  a 
changed  tone.  And,  again,  "Oh,"  just  a  little 
blankly.  "I  wish  I  hadn't  asked  that,"  she 
confessed  silently  to  herself,  after  a  moment. 

Still,  the  spirit  of  reckless  experimentalism 
pressed  her  onward. 

"That's  a  peril  to  the  scientific  mind,  you 
know,"  she  warned.  "Suppose  your  ideal  should 
come  true?" 

"  It  won't,"  said  he  comfortably. 

Miss  Brewster's  regrets  sensibly  mitigated. 

"In  that  case,  of  course,  your  career  is  safe 
from  accident,"  she  remarked. 

He  moved  out  into  the  open. 

"Mr.  Beetle  Man,"  she  called, 
no 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

He  looked  up  and  saw  her  with  her  chin 
cupped  in  her  hand,  regarding  him  thought- 
fully. 

"I'm  not  just  a  casual  acquaintance,"  she 
said  suddenly.  "That  is,  if  you  don't  want  me 
to  be." 

"That's  good,"  was  his  hearty  comment. 
"I'm  glad  you  like  me  better  than  you  did  at 
first." 

"Oh,  I  'm  not  so  sure  that  I  like  you,  exactly. 
But  I'm  coming  to  have  a  sort  of  respectful 
curiosity  about  you.  What  lies  under  that  beetle 
shell  of  yours,  I  wonder?"  she  mused,  in  a  half 
breath. 

Whether  or  not  he  heard  the  final  question 
she  could  not  tell.  He  smiled,  waved  his  hand, 
and  disappeared.  Below,  she  watched  the 
motion  of  the  bush-tops  where  the  shrubbery 
was  parted  by  the  progress  of  his  sturdy  body 
down  the  long  slope. 


V 

AN   UPHOLDER    OF    TRADITIONS 

ONE  day  passes  much  like  another  in  Cara- 
cuna  City.  The  sun  rises  blandly,  grows 
hot  and  angry  as  it  climbs  the  slippery  polished 
vault  of  the  heavens,  and  coasts  down  to  its 
rest  in  a  pleased  and  mild  glow.  From  the  squat 
cathedral  tower  the  bells  clang  and  jangle 
defiance  to  the  Adversary,  temporarily  drown- 
ing out  the  street  tumult  in  which  the  yells  of 
the  lottery  venders,  the  braying  of  donkeys,  the 
whoops  of  the  cabmen,  and  the  blaring  of  the 
little  motor  cars  with  big  horns,  combine  to 
render  Caracuna  the  noisiest  capital  in  the 
world.  Through  the  saddle-colored  hordes  on 
the  moot  ground  of  the  narrow  sidewalks  moves 
an  occasional  Anglo-Saxon  resident,  browned 
and  sallowed,  on  his  way  to  the  government 
concession  that  he  manages;  a  less  occasional 
Anglo-Saxoness,  browned  and  marked  with  the 
seal  that  the  tropics  put  upon  every  woman 
who  braves  their  rigors  for  more  than  a  brief 
period;  and  a  sprinkling  of  tourists  in  groups, 

112 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

flying  on  cheek,  brow,  and  nose  the  stark  red 
of  their  newness  to  the  climate. 

Not  of  this  sorority  Miss  Polly  Brewster. 
Having  blithe  regard  to  her  duty  as  an  orna- 
ment of  this  dull  world,  she  had  tempered  the 
sun  to  the  foreign  cuticle  with  successively 
diminishing  layers  of  veils,  to  such  good  pur- 
pose that  the  celestial  scorcher  had  but  kissed 
her  graduated  brownness  to  a  soft  glow  of  color. 
Not  alone  in  appreciation  of  her  external  ad- 
vantages was  Miss  Brewster.  Such  as  it  was,  — 
and  it  had  its  qualities,  albeit  somewhat  unfor- 
mulated,  —  Caracufia  society  gave  her  prompt 
welcome.  There  were  teas  and  rides  and  tennis 
at  the  little  club;  there  were  agraeable,  present- 
able man  and  hospitable  women;  and  always 
there  was  Fitzhugh  Carroll,  suave,  handsome, 
gentle,  a  polished  man  of  the  world  among  men, 
a  courteous  attendant  to  every  woman,  but 
always  with  a  first  thought  for  her.  Was  it  sheer 
perversity  of  character,  that  elfin  perversity  so 
shrewdly  divined  by  the  hermit  of  the  mountain, 
that  put  in  her  mind,  in  this  far  corner  of  the 
world,  among  these  strange  people,  the  thought: 

"All  men  are  alike,  and  Fitz,  for  all  that  he 's  so 
113 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

different  and  the  best  of  them,  is  the  most  alike." 
Which  paradox,  being  too  much  for  her  in  the 
heat  of  the  day,  she  put  aside  in  favor  of  the 
insinuating  thought  of  her  beetle  man.  What- 
ever else  he  might  or  might  not  be,  he  was  n't 
alike.  She  was  by  no  means  sure  that  she  found 
this  difference  either  admirable  or  amiable.  But 
at  least  it  was  interesting. 

Moreover,  she  was  piqued.  For  four  days 
had  passed  and  the  recluse  had  not  returned 
her  call.  True,  there  had  come  to  her  hotel  a 
wicker  full  of  superb  wild  tree  blooms,  and, 
again,  a  tiny  box,  cunning  in  workmanship  of 
scented  wood,  containing  what  at  first  glance 
she  had  taken  to  be  a  jewel,  until  she  saw 
that  it  was  a  tiny  butterfly  with  opalescent 
wings,  mounted  on  a  silver  wire.  But  with 
them  had  come  no  word  or  token  of  identifica- 
tion. Perhaps  they  were  n't  from  the  queer 
and  remote  person  at  all.  Very  likely  Mr. 
Raimonda  had  sent  them;  or  Fitzhugh  Carroll 
was  adding  secret  attention  to  his  open  hom- 
age; or  they  might  even  be  a  further  peace 
offering  from  the  Hochwald  secretary. 

That  occasionally  too  festive  diplomat  had, 
114 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

indeed,  made  amends  both  profound  and,  evi- 
dently, sincere.  Soliciting  the  kind  offices  of 
both  Sherwen  and  Raimonda,  he  had  presented 
himself,  under  their  escort,  stiff  and  perspiring 
in  his  full  official  regalia,  before  Mr.  Brewster; 
then  before  his  daughter,  whose  solemnity,  pres- 
ently breaking  down  before  his  painfully  re- 
hearsed English,  dissolved  in  fluent  French, 
setting  him  at  ease  and  making  him  her  slave. 
Poor  penitent  Von  Plaanden  even  apologized 
to  Carroll,  fortunately  not  having  heard  of  the 
American's  threat,  and  made  a  most  favorable 
impression  upon  that  precisian. 

"Intoxicated,  he  may  be  a  rough,  Miss 
Polly,"  Carroll  confided  to  the  girl.  "But 
sober,  the  man  is  a  gentleman.  He  feels  very 
badly  about  the  whole  affair.  Offered  to  your 
father  to  report  it  all  through  official  channels 
and  attach  his  resignation." 

"Not  for  worlds!"  cried  Miss  Polly.  "The 
poor  man  was  half  asleep.  And  Mr.  Bee  —  Mr. 
Perkins  did  jog  him  rather  sharply." 

"Yes.  Von  Plaanden  asked  my  advice  as  an 
American  about  his  attitude  toward  Cluff  and 
Perkins." 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"I  hope  you  told  him  to  let  the  whole  thing 
drop." 

"Exactly  what  I  did.  I  explained  about 
Cluff;  that  he  was  a  very  good  fellow,  but 
of  a  different  class,  and  probably  would  n't 
give  the  thing  another  thought.'* 

"And  Mr.  Perkins?" 

"Von  Plaanden  wanted  to  challenge  him,  if 
he  could  find  him.  I  suggested  that  he  leave  me 
to  deal  with  Mr.  Perkins.  After  some  discus- 
sion, he  agreed." 

"Oh!  And  what  are  you  going  to  do  with 
him?" 

"Find  him  first,  if  lean." 

"I  can  tell  you  where."  Carroll  stared  at 
her,  astonished.  "But  I  don't  think  I  will." 

"He  announced  his  intention  of  keeping  out 
of  my  way.  The  man  has  no  sense  of  shame." 

"You  probably  scared  the  poor  lamb  out  of 
his  wits,  fire-eater  that  you  are." 

Carroll  would  have  liked  to  think  so,  but 
an  innate  sense  of  justice  beneath  his  crust 
of  prejudice  forbade  him  to  accept  this  judg- 
ment. 

"The  strange  part  of  it  is  that  he  daes  n't 
116 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

impress  me  as  being  afraid.  But  there  is  cer- 
tainly something  very  wrong  with  the  fellow. 
A  man  who  will  deliberately  desert  a  woman 
in  distress  "  —  Carroll's  manner  expanded  into 
the  roundly  rhetorical — "  whatever  else  he 
may  be,  cannot  be  a  gentleman." 

"There  might  have  been  mitigating  cir- 
cumstances." 

"No  circumstances  could  excuse  such  an 
action.  And,  after  that,  the  fellow  had  the 
effrontery  to  send  you  a  message." 

"Me?  What  was  it?"  asked  Miss  Polly 
quickly. 

"I  don't  know.  I  did  n't  let  him  finish.  I 
forbade  his  even  mentioning  your  name." 

"Indeed!"  cried  the  girl,  in  quick  dudgeon. 
"Don't  you  think  you  are  taking  a  great  deal 
upon  yourself,  Fitz?  What  do  you  really  know 
about  Mr.  Perkins,  anyway,  that  you  judge 
him  so  offhandedly?" 

"Very  little,  but  enough,  I  think.  And  I 
hardly  think  you  know  more." 

"Then  you're  wrong.  I  do." 

"You  know  this  man?" 

"Yes;  I  do." 

117 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Does  your  father  approve  of — " 

"Never  mind  my  father!  He  has  confidence 
enough  in  me  to  let  me  judge  of  my  own  friends." 

"  Friends  ?  "  Carroll's  handsome  face  clouded 
and  reddened.  "If  I  had  known  that  he  was  a 
friend  of  yours,  Miss  Polly,  I  never  would  have 
spoken  as  I  did.  I'm  most  sincerely  sorry,"  he 
added,  with  grave  courtesy. 

The  girl's  color  deepened  under  the  brown. 

"He  is  n't  exactly  a  friend,"  she  admitted. 
"I've  just  met  and  talked  with  him  a  few 
times.  But  your  judgment  seemed  so  unfair,  on 
such  a  slight  basis." 

"I'm  sorry  I. can't  reverse  my  judgment," 
said  the  Southerner  stiffly.  "But  I  know  of 
only  one  standard  for  those  matters."  • 

"That's  just  your  trouble."  Her  eyes  took  on 
a  cold  gleam  as  she  scanned  the  perfection  and 
finish  of  the  man  before  her.  "Fitzhugh,  do 
you  wear  ready-made  clothing?" 

"Of  course  not,"  he  answered,  in  surprise  at 
this  turn. 

"Your  suits  are  all  made  to  order?" 

"Yes,  Miss  Polly." 

"And  your  shirts?" 

118 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Yes,  and  shoes,  and  various  other  things." 
He  smiled. 

"Why  do  you  have  them  specially  made?" 

"Because  they  suit  me  better,  and  I  can 
afford  it." 

"It's  really  because  you  want  them  indi- 
vidualized for  you,  is  n't  it?" 

"Yes;  I  suppose  so." 

"Then  why  do  you  always  get  your  mental 
clothes  ready-made?" 

"I  don't  think  I  understand,  Miss  Polly," 
he  said  gently. 

"It  seems  to  me  that  all  your  ideas  and  esti- 
mates and  standards  are  of  stock  pattern,"  she 
explained  relentlessly.  "Inside,  you're  as  just 
exactly  so  as  a  pair  of  wooden  shoes.  Can't 
you  see  that  you  can't  judge  all  men  on  the 
same  plane?" 

"  I  see  that  you  're  angry  with  me,  and  I  see 
that  I'm  being  punished  for  what  I  said  about 
-  about  Mr.  Perkins.  If  I'd  known  that  you 
took  any  interest  in  him,  I  'd  have  bitten  my 
tongue  in  two  before  speaking  as  I  did.  As  for 
the  message,  if  you  wish  it,  I'll  go  to  him — " 

"Oh,  that  does  n't  matter,"  she  interrupted. 
119 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"This  much  I  can  say,  in  honesty,"  con- 
tinued the  Southerner,  with  an  effort:  "I  had 
a  talk,  almost  an  encounter,  with  him  in  the 
plaza,  and  I  don't  believe  he  is  the  coward  I 
thought  him." 

His  intent  to  be  fair  to  the  object  of  his 
scorn  was  so  genuine  that  his  critic  felt  a  swift 
access  of  compunction. 

"Oh,  Fitz,"  she  said  sweetly,  "you're  not 
to  blame.  I  should  have  told  you.  And  you're 
honest  and  loyal  and  a  gentleman.  Only  I 
wish  sometimes  that  you  weren't  quite  so 
awfully  gentlemanly  a  gentleman." 

The  Southerner  made  a  gesture  of  despair. 

"  If  I  could  only  understand  you,  Miss  Polly ! " 

"Don't  hope  it.  I've  never  yet  understood 
myself.  But  there's  a  sympathy  in  me  for  the 
under  dog,  and  this  Mr.  Perkins  seems  a  sort 
of  helpless  creature.  Yet  in  another  way  he 
does  n't  seem  helpless  at  all.  Quite  the  reverse. 
Oh,  dear!  I'm  tired  of  Perkins,  Perkins,  Per- 
kins! Let's  talk  about  something  pleasanter  — 
like  the  plague." 

"What's  that  about  Perkins?"  Galpy  had 
entered  the  drawing-room  where  the  conversa- 

120 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

tion  had  been  carried  on,  and  now  crossed  over 
to  them.  "I'll  tell  you  a  good  one  on  the  little 
blighteh.  D'  you  know  what  they  call  him 
at  the  Club  Amicitia  since  his  adventure  on 
the  street  car,  Miss  Brewster?" 

"What?" 

"'The  Unspeakable  Perk.'  Rippin',  ain't 
it?  Like  'The  Unspeakable  Turk,'  you  know." 

Despite  herself,  Polly's  lips  twitched;  in  some 
ways  he  was  unspeakable. 

"They've  nicknamed  him  that  because  of 
his  trying  to  help  me,  and  then  —  leaving?" 
she  asked. 

"Oh,  not  entirely.  There's  other  things. 
He's  a  nahsty,  stand-offish  way  with  him,  you 
know.  Don't-want-to-know-yeh  trick.  Would 
n't-speak-to-yeh-if-I-could-help-it  twist  to  his 
face.  'The  Unspeakable  Perk.'  Stands  him 
right,  I  should  say.  There's  other  reasons, 
too." 

"What  are  they?" 

She  saw  a  quick,  warning  frown  on  Carroll's 
sharply  turned  face.  Galpy  noted  it,  too,  and 
was  lost  in  confusion. 

"Oh  —  ah  —  just  gossip  —  nothing  at  all. 

121 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE   PERK 

I  say,  Miss  Brewster,  the  railway  —  I  'm  in 
the  Ferrocarril-del-Norte  office,  you  know  — 
has  offered  your  party  a  special  on  an  hour's 
notice,  any  time  you  want  it." 

"That's  most  kind  of  your  road,  Mr.  Galpy. 
But  why  should  we  want  it?" 

"Things  might  be  getting  a  bit  ticklish  any 
day  now.  I've  just  taken  the  message  from 
the  manager  to  your  father." 

The  young  Englishman  took  his  leave,  and 
Polly  Brewster  went  to  her  room,  to  freshen  up 
for  luncheon,  carrying  with  her  the  sobriquet 
she  had  just  heard.  Certainly,  applied  to  its 
subject,  it  had  a  mucilaginous  consistency. 
It  stuck. 

"'The  Unspeakable  Perk,'"  she  repeated, 
with  a  little  chuckle.  "  If  I  had  a  month  to  train 
him  in,  oh,  what  a  speakable  Perk  I  'd  make 
him!  I'd  make  him  into  a  Perk  that  would 
sit  up  and  speak  when  I  lifted  my  little  finger." 
She  considered  this.  "I'm  not  so  sure,"  she 
concluded,  more  doubtfully.  "How  can  one 
tell  through  those  horrid  glasses,  particularly 
when  one  does  n't  see  him  for  days  and 
days?" 

122 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Without  moving,  she  might,  however,  have 
seen  him  forthwith,  for  at  that  precise  and 
particular  moment,  the  Unspeakable  Perk  was 
in  plain  sight  of  her  window,  on  a  bench  in  the 
corner  of  the  plaza,  engaged  in  light  conversa- 
tion with  a  legless  and  philosophical  beggar 
whom  he  had  just  astonished  by  the  presenta- 
tion of  a  whole  bolivar,  of  the  value  of  twenty 
cents  gold. 

After  she  had  finished  luncheon  and  returned 
to  her  room,  he  was  still  there.  Not  until  the 
mid-heat  of  the  afternoon,  however,  did  she 
observe,  first  with  puzzlement,  then  with  a  start 
of  recognition,  the  patiently  rounded  brown 
back  of  the  forward-leaning  figure  in  the  corner. 
Greatly  wroth  was  Miss  Polly  Brewster.  For 
some  hours  —  two,  at  least  —  the  man  to  keep 
tryst  and  wager  with  whom  she  had  tramped 
up  miles  of  mountain  road  had  been  in  town 
and  had  n't  called  upon  her!  Truly  was  he  an 
Unspeakable  Perk ! 

Was  n't  there  possibly  a  mistake  somewhere, 
though?  A  second  peep  at  the  far-away  back 
interpreted  into  the  curve  a  suggestion  of  re- 
signed waiting.  Maybe  he  had  called,  after  all. 

123 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Thought  being  usually  with  Miss  Brewster  the 
mother  of  the  twins,  Determination  and  Ac- 
tion, she  slipped  downstairs  and  inquired  of  the 
three  guardians  of  the  door,  in  such  Spanish 
as  she  could  muster,  whether  a  Mr.  Perkins, 
wearing  large  glasses  —  this  in  the  universal 
sign  manual  —  had  been  to  see  her  that  day. 

"  Si,  Senorita"  —  he  had. 

Why,  then,  had  n't  his  name  been  brought 
to  her? 

Extended  hands  and  up-shrugged  shoulders 
that  might  mean  either  apology  or  incompre- 
hension. 

Straightway  Miss  Brewster  pinned  a  hat  upon 
her  brown  head  at  an  altogether  casual  and 
heart-distracting  angle  and  sallied  down  into 
the  tesselated  bowl  of  the  park.  Quite  uncon- 
scious of  her  approach,  until  she  was  close  upon 
him,  her  objective  chatted  fluently  with  the 
legless  one,  until  she  spoke  quietly,  almost  in  his 
ear.  Then  it  was  only  by  a  clutch  at  the  bench 
back  that  he  saved  himself  from  disaster  on  his 
return  to  earth. 

"Wh-wh-what —  wh-where  —  how  did  you 
come  here?"  he  stuttered. 

124 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Now,  now,  don't  be  alarmed,"  she  ad- 
monished. "Shut  your  eyes,  draw  a  deep 
breath,  count  three.  And,  as  soon  as  you  are 
ready  I'll  give  you  a  talisman  against  social 
panic.  Are  you  ready?" 

"Y-yes." 

"Very  well.  Whenever  I  come  upon  you 
suddenly,  you  must  n't  try  to  jump  up  into  a 
tree  as  you  did  just  now — " 

"I  did  n't!" 

"Oh,  yes.  Or  burrow  under  a  rock,  as  you 
did  the  other  day — " 

"MissB-B-Brewster  —  " 

"Wait  until  I've  finished.  You  must  turn 
your  thoughts  firmly  upon  your  science,  until 
you've  recovered  equilibrium  and  the  power  of 
human  speech." 

"But  when  you  jump  at  me  that  way,  I 
c-c-can't  think  of  anything  but  you." 

"That's  where  the  charm  comes  in.      As 
soon  as  you  see  me  or  hear  me  approaching, 
you   must    repeat,   quite    slowly,   this    scien- 
tific incantation."    She  beat  time  with  a  pink 
and  rhythmic  finger  as  she  chanted:  — 
"Scarab,  tarantula,  doodle-bug,  flea." 
125 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

The  beggar  rapidly  made  the  sign  that  pro- 
tects one  from  the  influence  of  the  malign  and 
supernatural.  The  scientist  scowled. 

"Repeat  it!"  she  commanded. 

"There  is  no  such  insect  as  a  doodle-bug," 
he  protested  feebly. 

"Isn't  there?  I  thought  I  heard  you  men- 
tion it  in  your  conversation  with  Mr.  Carroll 
the  other  night." 

"You  put  that  into  my  head,"  he  accused. 

"Truly?  Then  life  is  indeed  real  and  earnest. 
To  have  introduced  something  unscientific 
into  that  compendium  of  science  —  there's 
triumph  enough  for  any  ambition.  Besides, 
see  how  beautifully  it  scans." 

Again  she  beat  time,  and  again  the  beggar 
crooked  defensive  fingers  as  she  declaimed:  — 

"  Scar-sib,  tar-0nMi-la,  </oo-dle-bug,  flta  ! 

Homeric,  I  call  it.     Perhaps  you  think  you 
could  improve  on  it." 

"Would  you  mind  substituting  'neuropter* 
in  the  third  strophe?"  he  ventured.  "It  would 
be  just  as  good  as  'doodle-bug,'  and  more  — 


more  accurate." 


126 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"What's  a  neuropter?  You  did  n't  make 
him  up  for  the  occasion  ? " 

"Heaven  forbid!  The  dragon-fly  is  a  neu- 
ropter. The  dragon-fly  we're  going  to  breed 
to  a  biplane,  you  know,"  he  reminded  her 
slyly. 

"Indeed!  Well,  I  shall  stick  to  my  doodle- 
bug. He's  more  euphonious.  Now,  repeat  it." 

"Let  me  off  this  time,"  he  pleaded.  "I'm 
all  right  —  quite  recovered.  It's  only  at  the 
start  that  it's  so  bad." 

"Very  well,"  she  agreed.  "But  you're  not 
to  forget  it.  And  next  time  we  meet  you're  to 
be  sure  and  say  it  over  until  you're  sane." 

"Sane!"  he  said  resentfully.  "I'm  as  sane  as 
any  one  you  know.  It's  the  job  of  keeping  sane 
in  this  madhouse  of  the  tropics  that's  almost 
driven  me  crazy." 

"Lovely!"  she  approved.  "Well,  now  that 
you've  recovered,  I'll  tell  you  what  I  came  out 
to  say.  I'm  sorry  that  I  missed  you." 

"Missed  me?"  he  repeated.  "Oh,  you 
have  missed  me,  then?  That's  nice.  You  see, 
I've  been  so  busy  for  the  last  three  or  four 
days—" 

127 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"No;  I  have  n't  missed  you  a  bit,"  she 
declared  indignantly.  "The  conceit  of  the 
man!" 

"But  you  said  you  w-w-were  sorry  you'd — " 

"Don't  be  wholly  a  beetle!  I  meant  I  was 
sorry  not  to  see  you  when  you  came  to  call  on 
me  this  morning." 

"  I  did  n't  come  to  call  on  you  this  morn- 
ing." 

"No?  The  boy  at  the  door  said  he'd  seen 
you,  or  something  answering  to  your  descrip- 
tion." 

"So  he  did.  I  came  to  see  your  father.  He 
was  out." 

"What  time?" 

"From  eleven  on." 

"Father?  No,  I  don't  think  so." 

"His  secretary  came  down  and  told  me  so, 
or  sent  word  each  time." 

She  smiled  pityingly  at  him. 

"Of  course.  That's  what  a  secretary  is  for." 

"To  tell  lies?" 

"White  lies.  You  see,  dad  is  a  very  busy 
man,  and  an  important  man,  and  many  people 
come  to  see  him  whom  he  has  n't  time  to  see. 

128 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

So,  unless  he  knew  your  business,  he  would 
naturally  be  'out'  to  you." 

The  corners  of  the  young  man's  rather  sen- 
sitive mouth  flattened  out  perceptibly. 

"Ah,  I  see.  My  mistake.  Living  in  countries 
wl  3re,  however  queer  the  people  may  be,  they 
at  least  observe  ordinary  human  courtesies, 
one  forgets  —  if  one  ever  knew." 

"What  did  you  want  of  dad?" 

"Oh,  to  borrow  four  dollars  of  him,  of 
course,"  he  replied  dryly. 

"You  need  n't  be  angry  at  me.  You  see, 
dad's  time  is  valuable. 

"Indeed?  To  whom?" 

"Why,  to  himself,  of  course." 

"Oh,  well,  my  time  —  However,  that  does  n't 
matter.  I  have  n't  wholly  wasted  it."  He 
glanced  toward  the  beggar,  who  was  profoundly 
regarding  the  cathedral  clock. 

"If  you  like,  I'll  get  you  an  interview  with 
dad,"  she  offered  magnanimously. 

"Me?  No,  I  thank  you,"  he  said  crisply. 
"I'm  not  patient  of  unnecessary  red  tape." 

Miss  Brewster  looked  at  him  in  surprise. 
It  was  borne  in  upon  her,  as  she  looked,  that 

129 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

this  man  was  not  accustomed  to  being  lightly 
regarded  by  other  men,  however  busy  or  im- 
portant; that  his  own  concerns  in  life  were  quite 
as  weighty  to  him,  and  in  his  esteem,  perhaps, 
to  others,  as  were  the  interests  of  any  magnate; 
and  that,  man  to  man,  there  would  be  no  shy- 
ness or  indecision  or  purposelessness  anywhere 
in  his  make-up. 

"If  it  was  important,"  she  began  hesitantly, 
"my  father  would  be  — " 

"  It  was  of  no  importance  to  me,"  he  cut  in. 
"To  others  —  Perhaps  I  could  see  some  one 
else  of  your  party." 

"Well,  here  I  am."  She  smiled.  "Why  won't 
I  do?" 

Behind  the  obscuring  disks  she  could  feel  his 
glance  read  her.  The  grimness  at  the  mouth's 
corners  relaxed. 

"  I  really  don't  know  why  you  should  n't." 

"Dad  says  I'd  have  made  a  man  of  affairs," 
she  remarked. 

"Why,  it's  just  this.  You  should  be  plan- 
ning to  leave  this  country." 

Miss  Brews ter  bewailed  her  harsh  lot  with 
drooping  lip. 

130 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Every  one  wants  to  drive  me  away!" 

"Who  else?" 

"That  railroad  man,  Mr.  Galpy,  was  offering 
us  special  inducements  to  leave,  in  the  form 
of  special  trains  any  time  we  liked.  It  is  n't 
hospitable." 

"A  jail  is  hospitable.  But  one  does  n't  stay 
in  it  when  one  can  get  out." 

"If  Caracuna  were  the  jail  and  I  the  'one,' 
one  might.  I  quite  love  it  here." 

He  made  a  sharp  gesture  of  annoyance. 

"Don't  be  childish,"  he  said. 

"Childish?  You  come  down  like  Freedom 
from  the  mountain  heights,  and  unfurl  your 
warnings  to  the  air,  and  complain  of  lost  time 
and  all  that  sort  of  thing,  and  what  does  it  all 
amount  to?"  she  demanded,  with  spirit.  "That 
we  should  sail  away,  when  you  know  perfectly 
well  that  the  Dutch  won't  let  us  sail  away! 
Childish,  indeed!  Don't  you  be  beetlish!" 

"There's  a  way  out,  without  much  risk, 
but  some  discomfort.  You  could  strike  south- 
east to  the  Bird  Reefs,  take  a  small  boat,  and 
get  over  to  the  mainland.  As  soon  as  the 
blockade  is  off,  the  yacht  can  take  your  luggage 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

around.  The  trip  would  be  rough  for  you,  but 
not  dangerous.  Not  as  dangerous  as  staying 
here  may  be." 

"Do  you  really  think  it  so  serious?" 

"Most  emphatically." 

"Will  you  come  with  us  and  show  us  the 
way?"  she  inquired,  gazing  with  exaggerated 
appeal  into  his  goggles. 

"I?  No." 

"What  shall  you  do?" 

"Stick." 

"Pins  through  scarabs,"  she  laughed,  "while 
beneath  you  Caracufia  riots  and  revolutes  and 
massacres  foreigners.  Nero  with  his  fiddle  was 
nothing  to  you. " 

"  Miss  Brewster,  I  'm  afraid  you  are  suffering 
from  a  misplaced  sense  of  humor.  Will  you 
believe  me  when  I  tell  you  that  I  have  certain 
sources  of  information  in  local  matters  both 
serviceable  and  reliable?" 

"You  seem  to  have  bet  on  a  certainty  in  the 
Dutch  blockade  matter." 

"Well,  it's  equally  certain  that  there  is  bu- 
bonic plague  here." 

"A  bola.  You  told  me  so  yourself." 
132 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"  Perhaps  there  was  nothing  to  be  gained 
then  by  letting  you  know,  as  you  were  bottled 
up,  with  no  way  out.  Now,  through  the  good 
offices  of  a  foreign  official,  who,  of  course, 
couldn't  afford  to  appear,  this  opportunity 
to  reach  the  mainland  is  open  to  you." 

"Had  you  anything  to  do  with  that?"  she 
inquired  suspiciously. 

"Oh,  the  official  is  a  friend  of  mine,"  he 
answered  carelessly. 

"And  you  really  believe  that  there  is  an 
epidemic  of  plague  here?  Don't  you  think  that 
I'd  make  a  good  Red  Cross  nurse?" 

His  voice  was  grave  and  rather  stern. 

"You've  never  seen  bubonic  plague,"  he 
said,  "  or  you  would  n't  joke  about  it." 

"I'm  sorry.  But  it  was  n't  wholly  a  joke. 
If  we  were  really  cooped  up  with  an  epidemic, 
I'd  volunteer.  What  else  would  there  be  to 
do?" 

"Nothing  of  the  sort,"  he  cried  vehemently. 
"You  don't  know  what  you're  talking  about." 

"Anyway,  is  n't  the  wonderful  Luther  Pruyn 
on  his  way  to  exorcise  the  demon,  or  something 
of  the  sort?" 

133 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"What  about  Luther  Pruyn?  Who  says 
he's  coining  here?" 

"It's  the  gossip  of  the  diplomatic  set  and 
the  clubs.  He's  the  favorite  mystery  of  the 
day." 

"Well,  if  he  does  come,  it  won't  improve 
matters  any,  for  the  first  case  he  verifies  he'll 
clap  on  a  quarantine  that  a  mouse  could  n't 
creep  through.  I  know  something  of  the  Pruyn 
method." 

"And  don't  wholly  approve  it,  I  judge." 

"It  may  be  efficacious,  but  it's  extremely 
inconvenient  at  times." 

Again  the  cathedral  clock  boomed. 

"See  how  I've  kept  you  from  your  own 
affairs!"  cried  Miss  Polly  contritely.  "What 
are  you  going  to  do  now?  Go  back  to  your 
mountains?" 

"Yes.  As  soon  as  you  tell  me  that  your  father 
will  go  out  by  the  reefs." 

"Do  you  expect  him  to  make  up  his  mind, 
on  five  minutes'  notice,  to  abandon  his  yacht?" 

"I  thought  great  magnates  were  supposed 
to  be  men  of  instant  and  unalterable  decisions. 
I  don't  know  the  type." 

134 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Anyway,  dad  has  gone  out.  I  saw  him 
drive  away.  Wouldn't  to-morrow  do?" 

"Why,  yes;  I  suppose  so." 

"I'll  tell  you.  The  Voice  will  report  at  the 
rock  to-morrow,  at  four." 

"No." 

"What  a  very  uncompromising  'no'!" 

"I  can't  be  there  at  four.   Make  it  five." 

"What  a  very  arbitrary  beetle  man!  Well, 
as  I've  wasted  so  much  of  your  time  to-day, 
I  '11  accept  your  orders  for  to-morrow." 

"And  please  impress  your  father  with  the 
extreme  advisability  of  your  getting  off  this 
island." 

"Yes,  sir,"  she  said  meekly.  "You'll  be 
most  awfully  glad  to  get  rid  of  us,  won't 
you?" 

"Very  greatly  relieved." 

"And  a  little  bit  sorry?" 

The  begoggled  face  turned  toward  her.  There 
was  a  perceptible  tensity  in  the  line  of  the  jaw. 
But  the  beetle  man  made  no  answer. 

"Now,  if  I  could  see  behind  those  glasses," 
said  Miss  Polly  Brewster  to  her  wicked  little 
self,  "I'd  probably  bite  myself  rather  than  say 

135 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

it  again.  Just  the  same —  And  a  little  bit 
sorry?"  she  persisted  aloud. 

"Does  that  matter?"  said  the  man  quietly. 

Miss  Polly  Brewster  forthwith  bit  herself  on 
her  pink  and  wayward  tongue. 

"Don't  think  I'm  not  grateful,"  she  em- 
ployed that  chastened  member  to  say.  "I 
am,  most  deeply.  So  will  father  be,  even  if 
he  decides  not  to  leave.  I'm  afraid  that's  what 
he  will  decide." 

"He  must  n't." 

"Tell  him  that  yourself." 

"I  will,  if  it  becomes  necessary." 

"Let  me  be  present  at  the  interview.  Most 
people  are  afraid  of  dad.  Perhaps  you'd  be, 


too." 


"I  could  always  run  away,"  he  remarked, 
unsmiling.  "You  know  how  well  I  do  it." 

"I  must  do  it  now  myself,  and  get  arrayed 
for  the  daily  tea  sacrifice.  Au  revoir." 

"  Hasta  mafiana,"  he  said  absently. 

She  had  turned  to  go,  but  at  the  word  she 
came  slowly  back  a  pace  or  two,  smiling. 

"What  a  strange  beetle  man  you  are!"  she 
said  softly.  "I  have  no  other  friends  like  you. 

136 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

You  are  a  friend,  are  n't  you,  in  your  queer 
way?"  She  did  not  wait  for  an  answer,  but 
went  on:  "You  don't  come  to  see  me  when  I 
ask  you.  You  don't  send  me  any  word.  You 
make  me  feel  that,  compared  to  your  concerns 
with  beetles  and  flies,  I'm  quite  hopelessly 
unimportant.  And  yet  here  I  find  you  giving 
up  your  own  pursuits  and  wasting  your  time  to 
plan  and  watch  and  think  for  us." 

"For  you,"  he  corrected. 

"For  me,"  she  accepted  sweetly.  "What  an 
ungrateful  little  pig  you  must  think  me!  But 
truly  inside  I  appreciate  it  and  thank  you,  and 
I  think  —  I  feel  that  perhaps  it  amounts  to  a 
lot  more  than  I  know." 

He  made  a  gesture  of  negation. 

"No  great  thing,"  he  said.  "But  it's  the 
best  I  can  do,  anyway.  Do  you  remember  what 
the  mediaeval  mummer  said,  when  he  came 
bearing  his  poor  homage?" 

"No.  Tell  it  to  me." 

"It  runs  like  this:  'Lady,  who  art  nowise 
bitter  to  those  who  serve  you  with  a  good  in- 
tent, that  which  thy  servant  is,  that  he  is  for 


you."; 


137 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Polly  Brewster,"  said  the  girl  to  herself, 
as  she  walked,  slowly  and  musingly,  back  to 
her  room,  "the  busy  haunts  of  men  are  more 
suited  to  your  style  than  the  free-and-un- 
trammeled  spaces  of  nature,  and  well  you 
know  it.  But  you'll  go  to-morrow  and  you'll 
keep  on  going  until  you  find  out  what  is  behind 
those  brown-green  goblin  spectacles.  If  only 
he  did  n't  look  so  like  a  gnome ! " 

The  clause  conditional,  introduced  by  the 
word  "if,"  does  not  always  imply  a  conclusion, 
even  in  the  mind  of  the  propounder.  Miss 
Brewster  would  have  been  hard  put  to  it  to 
round  out  her  subjunctive. 


VI 

FORKED    TONGUES 

T)OOH!"  said  Thatcher  Brewster. 
JL  Thatcher  Brewster's  "Pooh!"  is  generally 
recognized  in  the  realm  of  high  finance  as 
carrying  weight.  It  is  not  derisive  or  contempt- 
uous; it  is  dismissive.  The  subject  of  it  simply 
ceases  to  exist.  In  the  present  instance,  it  was 
so  mild  as  scarcely  to  stir  the  smoke  from  his 
after-dinner  cigar,  yet  it  had  all  the  intent,  if 
not  the  effect,  of  finality.  The  reason  why  it 
had  n't  the  effect  was  that  it  was  directed  at 
Thatcher  Brewster's  daughter. 

"Perhaps  not  quite  so  much  'Pooh!'  as  you 
think,"  was  that  damsel's  reception  of  the 
pregnant  monosyllable. 

"A  bug-hunter  from  nowhere!  Don't  I  know 
that  type?"  said  the  magnate,  who  confounded 
all  scientists  with  inventors,  the  capital-seeking 
inventor  being  the  bane  and  torment  of  his  life. 

"He  knew  about  the  Dutch  blockade." 

"Or  pretended  he  did.  I  'm  afraid  my  Polli- 
pet  has  let  herself  romanticize  a  little." 

139 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Romanticize!"  The  girl  laughed.  "If  you 
could  see  him,  dad!  Romance  and  my  poor 
little  beetle  man  don't  live  in  the  same 
world." 

Out  of  the  realm  of  memory,  where  the  echoes 
come  and  go  by  no  known  law,  sounded  his 
voice  in  her  ear:  "  'That  which  thy  servant  is, 
that  he  is  for  you.'"  Dim  doubt  forthwith  be- 
began  to  cloud  the  bright  certainty  of  Miss 
Brewster's  verdict. 

"If  he's  gone  to  all  the  trouble  that  I  told  you 
of,  it  must  be  that  he  has  some  good  reason 
for  wanting  to  get  us  safely  out,"  she  argued 
to  her  father. 

"Perhaps  he  feels  that  his  peace  of  mind 
would  be  more  assured  if  you  were  in  some 
other  country,"  he  teased.  "No,  my  dear,  I'm 
not  leaving  a  full-manned  yacht  in  a  foreign 
harbor  and  smuggling  myself  out  of  a  friendly 
country  on  the  say-so  of  an  unknown  adviser, 
whose  chief  ability  seems  to  lie  in  the  hundred- 
yard  dash." 

"I  think  that's  unfair  and  ungrateful.  If 
a  man  with  a  sword — " 

"When  I  begin  a  row,  I  stay  with  it,"  said 
140 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Mr.  Brewster  grimly.  "Quitters  and  I  don't 
pull  well  together." 

"Then  I'm  to  tell  him  'No'?" 

"Positively." 

"Not  so  positively  at  all.  I  shall  say,  'No, 
thank  you,'  in  my  very  nicest  way,  and  say 
that  you're  very  grateful  and  appreciative  and 
not  at  all  the  growly  old  bear  of  a  dad  that  you 
pretend  to  be  when  one  does  n't  know  and  love 
you.  And  perhaps  I  '11  invite  him  to  dine  here 
and  go  away  on  the  yacht  with  us  — " 

"And  graciously  accept  a  couple  of  hundred 
thousand  dollars  bonus,  and  come  into  the 
company  as  first  vice-president,"  chuckled  her 
father.  "And  then  he'll  wake  up  and  find  he's 
been  sitting  on  a  cactus.  See  here,"  he  added, 
with  a  sharpening  of  tone,  "  do  you  suppose  he 
could  get  a  cablegram  for  transmission  to 
Washington  over  to  the  mainland  for  us  by 
this  mysterious  route  of  his?" 

"Very  likely." 

"You're  really  sure  you  want  to  go,  Pollipet? 
This  is  your  cruise,  you  know." 

"Yes,  I  do." 

Hitherto  Miss  Polly  had  been  declaring  to  all 
141 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

and  sundry,  including  the  beetle  man  himself, 
that  it  was  her  firm  intent  and  pleasure  to  stay 
on  the  island  and  observe  the  presumptively 
interesting  events  that  promised.  That  she  had 
reversed  this  decision,  on  the  unsolicited  coun- 
sel of  an  extremely  queer  stranger,  was  a  phe- 
nomenon the  peculiarity  of  which  did  not  strike 
her  at  the  time.  All  that  she  felt  was  a  settled 
confidence  in  the  beetle  man's  sound  reason  for 
his  advice. 

"Very  good,"  said  Mr.  Brewster.  "If  I  can 
get  through  a  message  to  the  State  Depart- 
ment, they'll  bring  pressure  to  bear  on  the 
Dutch,  and  we  can  take  the  yacht  through  the 
blockade.  It's  only  a  question  of  finding  a 
way  to  lay  the  matter  before  the  Dutch  au- 
thorities, anyway.  I  Ve  been  making  inquiries 
here,  and  I  find  there 's  no  intention  of  bottling 
up  neutral  pleasure  craft.  I  dare  say  we  could 
get  out  now.  Only  it's  possible  that  the  Hol- 
landers might  shoot  first  and  ask  questions 
afterward." 

"It  would  have  to  be  done  quickly,  dad. 
They  may  quarantine  at  any  time." 

"Dr.  Pruyn  ought  to  be  here  any  day  now. 
142 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Let's  leave  that  matter  for  him.  There's  a 
man  I  have  confidence  in." 

"Mr.  Perkins  says  that  Dr.  Pruyn  will  bottle 
up  the  port  tighter  than  the  Dutch." 

"Let  him,  so  long  as  we  get  out  first.  Now, 
Polly,  you  tell  this  man  Perkins  that  I  '11  pay  all 
expenses  and  give  him  a  round  hundred  for 
himself  if  he'll  bring  me  a  receipt  showing  that 
my  cablegram  has  been  dispatched  to  Wash- 
ington." 

"I  don't  think  I'd  quite  like  to  do  that, 
dad.  He  isn't  the  sort  of  man  one  offers 
money  to." 

"Every  one's  the  sort  of  man  one  offers 
money  to  —  if  it's  enough,"  retorted  her 
father.  "And  a  hundred  dollars  will  look 
pretty  big  to  a  scientific  man.  I  know  some- 
thing about  their  salaries.  You  try  him." 

"So  far  as  expenses  go,  I  will.  But  I  won't 
hurt  his  feelings  by  trying  to  pay  him  for 
something  that  he  would  do  for  friendship  or 
not  at  all." 

"Have  it  your  own  way.  When  is  he  coming 
in?" 

"He  is  n't  coming  in." 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Then  where  are  you  going  to  see  him?" 

"Up  on  the  mountain  trail,  when  I  ride  to- 
morrow afternoon." 

"With  Carroll?" 

"No;  I'm  going  alone." 

"I  don't  quite  like  to  have  you  knocking 
about  mountain  roads  by  yourself,  though 
Mr.  Sherwen  says  you're  safe  anywhere  here. 
Where's  that  little  automatic  revolver  I  gave 
you?" 

"  In  my  trunk.  I  '11  carry  that  if  it  will  make 
you  feel  any  easier." 

"Yes,  do.  But  I  can't  see  why  you  can't 
send  word  to  Perkins  that  I  want  to  see  him 
here." 

"  I  can.  And  I  can  guess  just  what  his  answer 
would  be." 

"Well,  guess  ahead." 

"He'd  tell  you  to  go  to  the  bad  place,  or  its 
scientific  equivalent."  She  laughed. 

"Would  he?"  Mr.  Brewster  did  not  laugh. 
"And  perhaps  you'll  be  good  enough  to  tell 
me  why." 

"Because  you  sent  word  that  you  were  out 
when  he  called." 

144 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Humph!  I  see  people  when  /  want  to  see 
them,  not  when  they  want  to  see  me." 

"Then  Mr.  Perkins  is  likely  to  prove  per- 
manently invisible  to  you,  if  I'm  any  judge 
of  character." 

"Well,  well,"  said  Mr.  Brewster  impatiently, 
"manage  it  yourself.  Only  impress  on  him  the 
necessity  of  getting  the  message  on  the  wire. 
I  '11  write  it  out  to-night  and  give  it  to  you 
with  the  money  to-morrow." 

After  luncheon  on  the  following  day,  Polly, 
with  the  cablegram  and  money  in  her  purse 
and  her  automatic  safely  disposed  in  her  belt, 
walked  in  the  plaza  with  Carroll.  The  legless 
beggar  whined  at  them  for  alms.  Handing  him 
a  quartillo,  the  Southerner  would  have  passed 
on,  but  his  companion  stood  eyeing  the  men- 
dicant. 

"Now,  what  can  there  be  in  that  poor  wreck 
to  captivate  the  scientific  intellect?"  she  mar- 
veled. 

"If  you  mean  Mr.  Perkins —  "  began  Car- 
roll. 

"I  do." 

"Then  I  think  perhaps  the  reason  for  some 
I4S 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

of  that  gentleman's  associations  will  hardly 
stand  inquiry." 

The  girl  turned  her  eyes  on  him  and  searched 
the  handsome,  serious  face. 

"Fitz,  you're  not  the  man  to  say  that  of 
another  man  without  some  good  reason." 

"I  am  not,  Miss  Polly." 

''You  think  that  Mr.  Perkins  is  not  the 
kind  of  man  for  me  to  have  anything  to  do 
with?" 

"I— I'm  afraid  he  is  n't." 

"Don't  you  think  that,  having  gone  so  far, 
you  ought  to  tell  me  why?" 

Carroll  flushed. 

"I  would  rather  tell  your  father." 

"Are  you  implying  a  scandal  in  connection 
with  my  timid,  little  dried-up  scientist?" 

"I'm  only  saying,"  said  the  other  doggedly, 
"that  there's  something  secret  and  under- 
handed about  that  place  of  his  in  the  moun- 
tains. It's  a  matter  of  common  gossip." 

The  girl  laughed  outright. 

"The  poor  beetle  man!  Why,  he's  so  afraid 
of  a  woman  that  he  goes  all  to  pieces  if  one 
speaks  to  him  suddenly.  Just  to  see  his  ex- 

146 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

pression,  I'd  like  to  tell  him  that  he's  being 
scandalized  by  all  Caracuiia." 

"You're  going  to  see  him  again?" 

"Certainly.  This  afternoon." 

"I  don't  think  you  should,  Miss  Polly." 

"Have  you  any  actual  facts  against  him? 
Anything  but  casual  gossip?" 

"No;  not  yet." 

"When  you  have,  I'll  listen  to  you.  But 
you  could  n't  make  me  believe  it,  anyway. 
Why,  Fitz,  look  at  him!" 

"Take  me  with  you,"  insisted  the  other,  "  and 
let  me  ask  him  a  question  or  two  that  any 
honorable  man  could  answer.  They  don't  call 
him  the  Unspeakable  Perk  for  nothing,  Miss 
Polly." 

"It's  just  because  they  don't  understand 
his  type.  Nor  do  you,  Fitz,  and  so  you  mistrust 
him." 

"I  understand  that  you've  shown  more  in- 
terest in  him  than  in  any  one  you  know,"  said 
the  other  miserably. 

Her  laugh  rang  as  free  and  frank  as  a  child's. 

"Interest?  That's  true.  But  if  you  mean 
sentiment,  Fitz,  after  once  having  looked  into 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

the  depths  of  those  absurd  goggles,  can  you, 
could  you  think  of  sentiment  and  the  beetle 
man  in  the  same  breath?" 

"No,  I  couldn't,"  he  confessed,  relieved. 
"But,  then,  I  never  have  been  able  to  under- 
stand you,  Miss  Polly." 

"Therein  lies  my  fatal  charm,"  she  said 
saucily.  "Now,  to  the  beetle  man,  I'm  a  speci- 
men. He  understands  as  much  as  he  wants  to. 
Probably  I  shall  never  see  him  after  to-day, 
anyway.  He's  going  to  get  a  message  through 
for  us  that  will  deliver  us  from  this  land  of 
bondage." 

"He  can't  do  it  too  soon  for  me,"  declared 
Carroll.  "And,  Miss  Polly,  you  don't  think 
the  worse  of  me  for  having  said  behind  his 
back  what  Pm  just  waiting  to  say  to  his 
face?" 

"Not  a  bit,"  said  the  girl  warmly.  "Only 
I  know  it's  nonsense." 

"I  hope  so,"  said  Carroll,  quite  honestly. 
"I  would  hate  to  think  anything  low-down  of 
a  man  you'd  call  your  friend." 

Carroll  had  learned  more  than  he  had  told, 
but  less  than  enough  to  give  him  what  he  con- 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

sidered  proper  evidence  to  lay  before  Polly's 
father.  After  some  deliberation  as  to  the  point 
of  honor  involved,  he  decided  to  go  to  Rai- 
monda,  who,  alone  in  Caracufia  City,  seemed 
to  be  on  personal  terms  with  the  hermit.  He 
found  the  young  man  in  his  office.  With  entire 
frankness,  Carroll  stated  his  errand  and  the 
reason  for  it.  The  Caracuiian  heard  him  with 
grave  courtesy. 

"And  now,  sefior,"  concluded  the  American, 
"here's  my  question,  and  it's  for  you  to  deter- 
mine whether,  under  the  circumstances,  you  are 
justified  in  giving  me  an  answer.  Is  there  a 
woman  living  in  Mr.  Perkins's  quinta  on  the 
mountains?" 

"I  cannot  answer  that  question,"  said  the 
other,  after  some  deliberation. 

"  I  'm  sorry,"  said  Carroll  simply. 

"I  also.  The  more  so  in  that  my  attitude 
may  be  misconstrued  against  Mr.  Perkins.  I 
am  bound  by  confidence." 

"  So  I  infer,"  returned  his  visitor  courteously. 
"Then  I  have  only  to  ask  your  pardon  — " 

"One  moment,  if  you  please,  sefior.  Per- 
haps this  will  serve  to  make  easy  your  mind. 

149 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

On  my  word,  there  is  nothing  in  Mr.  Perkins's 
life  on  the  mountain  in  any  manner  dishonor- 
able or  —  or  irregular." 

In  a  flash,  the  simple  solution  crossed  Car- 
roll's mind.  That  a  woman  was  there,  and  a 
woman  not  of  the  servant  class,  could  hardly 
be  doubted,  in  view  of  almost  direct  evidence 
from  eyewitnesses.  If  there  was  nothing  ir- 
regular about  her  presence,  it  was  because  she 
was  Perkins's  wife.  In  view  of  Raimonda's 
attitude,  he  did  not  feel  free  to  put  the  di- 
rect query.  Another  question  would  serve  his 
purpose. 

"Is  it  advisable,  and  for  the  best  interests 
of  Miss  Brewster,  that  she  should  associate 
with  him  under  the  circumstances?" 

The  Caracuiian  started  and  shot  a  glance 
at  his  interlocutor  that  said,  as  plainly  as  words, 
"How  much  do  you  know  that  you  are  not 
telling?"  had  the  latter  not  been  too  intent 
upon  his  own  theory  to  interpret  it. 

"Ah,  that,"  said  Raimonda,  after  a  pause, 
—  "that  is  another  question.  If  it  were  my 
sister,  or  any  one  dear  to  me —  But"  —  he 
shrugged  —  "views  on  that  matter  differ." 

150 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"I  hardly  think  that  yours  and  mine  differ, 
senor.  I  thank  you  for  bearing  with  me  with 
so  much  patience." 

He  went  out  with  his  suspicions  hardened 
into  certainty. 


VII 

"THAT  WHICH  THY  SERVANT  is — " 

A  MAN  that  you'd  call  your  friend." 
Such  had  been  Fitzhugh  Carroll's  ref- 
erence to  the  Unspeakable  Perk.  With  that 
characterization  in  her  mind.  Miss  Brewster 
let  herself  drift,  after  her  suitor  had  left  her, 
into  a  dreamy  consideration  of  the  hermit's 
attitude  toward  her.  She  was  not  prone  lightly 
to  employ  the  terms  of  friendship,  yet  this  new 
and  casual  acquaintance  had  shown  a  readi- 
ness to  serve  —  not  as  cavalier,  but  as  friend  — 
none  too  common  in  the  experience  of  the  much- 
courted  and  a  little  spoiled  beauty.  Being, 
indeed,  a  "lady  nowise  bitter  to  those  who 
served  her  with  good  intent,"  she  reflected, 
with  a  kindly  light  in  her  eyes,  that  it  was  all 
part  and  parcel  of  the  beetle's  man's  amiable 
queerness. 

Still  musing  upon  this  queerness,  she  strolled 
back  to  find  her  mount  waiting  at  the  corner 
of  the  plaza.  In  consideration  of  the  heat  she 
let  her  cream-colored  mule  choose  his  own 

152 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

pace,  so  they  proceeded  quite  slowly  up  the 
hill  road,  both  absorbed  in  meditation,  which 
ceased  only  when  the  mule  started  an  argu- 
ment about  a  turn  in  the  trail.  He  was  a  well- 
bred  trotting  mule,  worth  six  hundred  dollars 
in  gold  of  any  man's  money,  and  he  was  self- 
appreciative  in  knowledge  of  the  fact.  He 
brought  a  singular  firmness  of  purpose  to  the 
support  of  the  negative  of  her  proposition, 
which  was  that  he  should  swing  north  from 
the  broad  into  the  narrow  path.  When  the 
debate  was  over,  St.  John  the  Baptist  —  this, 
I  hesitate  to  state,  yet  must,  it  being  the 
truth,  was  the  spirited  animal's  name  —  was 
considerably  chastened,  and  Miss  Brewster 
more  than  a  trifle  flushed.  She  left  him  tied  to 
a  ceiba  branch  at  the  exit  from  the  dried  creek 
bed,  with  strict  instructions  not  to  kick,  lest 
a  worse  thing  befall  him.  Miss  Brewster's 
fighting  blood  was  up,  when,  ten  minutes  late, 
because  of  the  episode,  she  reached  the  summit 
of  the  rock. 

"Oh,  Mr.  Beetle  Man,  are  you  there? "she 
called. 

"Yes,  Voice.  You  sound  strange.  What  is  it?" 
153 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"I've  been  hurrying,  and  if  you  tell  me  I'm 
late,  I'll  —  I'll  fall  on  your  neck  again  and 
break  it." 

"Has  anything  happened?" 

"Nothing  in  particular.  I've  been  boxing 
the  compass  with  a  mule.  It's  tiresome." 

He  reflected. 

"You're  not,  by  any  chance,  speaking  figur- 
atively of  your  respected  parent?" 

"Certainly  not!"  she  disclaimed  indignantly. 
"This  was  a  real  mule.  You're  very  imperti- 
nent." 

"Well,  you  see,  he  was  impertinent  to  me, 
saying  he  was  out  when  he  was  in.  What  is  his 
decision  —  yes  or  no  ? " 

"No." 

A  sharp  exclamation  came  from  the  nook 
below. 

"Is  that  the  entomological  synonym  for 
'damn'?"  she  inquired. 

"It's  a  lament  for  time  wasted  on  a  —  Well, 
never  mind  that." 

"But  he  wants  you  to  carry  a  message  by 
that  secret  route  of  yours.  Will  you  do  it  for 
him?" 

154 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"No!" 

"That's  not  being  a  very  kind  or  courteous 
beetle  man." 

"  I  owe  Mr.  Brews ter  no  courtesy." 

"And  you  pay  only  where  you  owe?  Just, 
but  hardly  amiable.  Well,  you  owe  me  nothing 
—  but  —  will  you  do  it  for  me?" 

"Yes." 

"Without  even  knowing  what  it  is?" 

"Yes." 

"In  return  you  shall  have  your  heart's 
desire." 

"Doubted." 

"  Is  n't  the  dearest  wish  of  your  soul  to  drive 
me  out  of  Caracufia?" 

"Hum!  Well  —  er  —  yes.  Yes;  of  course 
it  is." 

"Very  well.  If  you  can  get  dad's  message 
on  the  wire  to  Washington,  he  thinks  the  Sec- 
retary of  State,  who  is  his  friend,  can  reach 
the  Dutch  and  have  them  open  up  the  block- 
ade for  us." 

"Time  apparently  meaning  nothing  to  him." 

"Would  it  take  much  time?" 

"About  four  days  to  a  wire." 
155 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

She  gazed  at  him  in  amazement. 

"And  you  were  willing  to  give  up  four 
days  to  carry  my  message  through,  'unsight — • 
unseen,'  as  we  children  used  to  say?" 

"Willing  enough,  but  not  able  to.  I'd  have 
got  a  messenger  through  with  it,  if  necessary. 
But  in  four  days,  there'll  be  other  obstacles 
besides  the  Dutch." 

"Quarantine?" 

"Yes." 

"I  thought  that  had  to  wait  for  Dr.  Pruyn." 

"Pruyn's  here.  That's  a  secret,  Miss  Brew- 
ster." 

"Do  you  know  everything?  Has  he  found 
plague?" 

"Ah,  I  don't  say  that.  But  he  will  find  it, 
for  it's  certainly  here.  I  satisfied  myself  of 
that  yesterday." 

"From  your  beggar  friend?" 

"What  made  you  think  that,  O  most  acute 
observer?" 

"What  else  would  you  be  talking  to  him  of, 
with  such  interest?" 

"You're  correct.  Bubonic  always  starts 
in  the  poor  quarters.  To  know  how  people 

156 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

die,  you  have  to  know  how  they  live.  So  I 
cultivated  my  beggar  friend  and  listened  to  the 
gossip  of  quick  funerals  and  unexplained  dis- 
appearances. I'd  have  had  some  real  argu- 
ments to  present  to  Mr.  Brewster  if  he  had 
cared  to  listen." 

"He'll  listen  to  Dr.  Pruyn.  They're  old 
friends." 

"No!  Are  they?" 

"Yes.  Since  college  days.  So  perhaps  the 
quarantine  will  be  easier  to  get  through  than 
the  blockade." 

"Do  you  think  so?  I'm  afraid  you'll  find 
that  pull  does  n't  work  with  the  service  that 
Dr.  Pruyn  is  in." 

"And  you  think  that  there  will  be  quarantine 
within  four  days?" 

"Almost  sure  to  be." 

"Then,  of  course,  I  need  n't  trouble  you 
with  the  message." 

"Don't  jump  at  conclusions.  There  might 
be  another  and  quicker  way." 

"Wireless?"  she  asked  quickly. 

"No  wireless  on  the  island.  No.  This  way 
you'll  just  have  to  trust  me  for." 

157 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"I'll  trust  you  for  anything  you  say  you   * 
can  do." 

"But  I  don't  say  I  can.  I  say  only  that  I'll 
try." 

"That's  enough  for  me.  Ready!  Now, 
brace  yourself.  I  'm  coming  down." 

"Wh-why — wait!  Can't  you  send  it  down?" 

"No.  Besides,  you  know  you  want  to  see 
me.  No  use  pretending,  after  last  time.  Re- 
member your  verse  now,  and  I  '11  come  slowly." 

Solemnly  he  began: — 

"  Scarab,  tarantula,  neurop —  " 

"' Doodle-bug,'"  she  prompted  severely. 

"-doodle-bug,  flea,"- 
he  concluded  obediently. 

"  Scarab,  tarantula,  doodle-bug,  flea. 
Scarab,  tarantula,  doodle  — 

Oof!  I  —  I — didn't  think  you'd  be  here  so 
soon!" 

He  scrambled  to  his  feet,  hardly  less  palpi- 
tating than  on  the  occasion  of  their  first  en- 
counter. 

"Hopeless!"  she  mourned.  "Incurable! 
Wanted:  a  miracle  of  St.  Vitus.  Do  stop  nib- 
bling your  hat,  and  sit  down." 

158 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"I  don't  think  it's  as  bad  as  it  was,"  he 
murmured,  obeying.  "One  gets  accustomed  to 
you." 

"One  gets  accustomed  to  anything  in  time, 
even  the  eccentricities  of  one's  friends." 

"Do  you  think  I'm  eccentric?" 

"Do  I  think —  Have  you  ever  known  any 
one  who  did  n't  think  you  eccentric?" 

Upon  this  he  pondered  solemnly. 

"It's  so  long  since  I've  stopped  to  consider 
what  people  think  of  me.  One  has  n't  time, 
you  know." 

"Then  one  is  unhuman.   7  have  time." 

"Of  course.  But  you  have  n't  anything  else 
to  do." 

As  this  was  quite  true,  she  naturally  felt 
annoyed. 

"Knowing  as  you  do  all  the  secrets  of  my 
inner  life,"  she  observed  sarcastically,  "of 
course  you  are  in  a  position  to  judge." 

Her  own  words  recalled  Carroll's  charge, 
and  though,  with  the  subject  of  them  before 
her,  it  seemed  ridiculously  impossible,  yet  the 
spirit  of  mischief,  ever  hovering  about  her  like 
an  attendant  sprite,  descended  and  took  pos- 

159 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

session  of  her  speech.    She  assumed  a  severely 
judicial  expression. 

"Mr.  Beetle  Man,  will  you  lay  your  hand 
upon  your  microscope,  or  whatever  else  scien- 
tists make  oath  upon,  and  answer  fully  and 
truly  the  question  about  to  be  put  to  you?" 

"As  I  hope  for  a  blessed  release  from  this 
abode  of  lunacy,  I  will." 

"Mr.  Beetle  Man,  have  you  got  an  awful 
secret  in  your  life?" 

So  sharply  did  he  start  that  the  heavy 
goggles  slipped  a  fraction  of  an  inch  along  his 
nose,  the  first  time  she  had  ever  seen  them  in 
any  degree  misplaced.  She  was  herself  sen- 
sibly discountenanced  by  his  perturbation. 

"Why  do  you  ask  that?"  he  demanded. 

"Natural  interest  in  a  friend,"  she  answered 
lightly,  but  with  growing  wonder.  "I  think 
you'd  be  altogether  irresistible  if  you  were  a 
pirate  or  a  smuggler  or  a  revolutionary.  The 
romantic  spirit  could  lurk  so  securely  behind 
those  gloomy  soul-screens  that  you  wear. 
What  do  you  keep  back  of  them,  O  dark  and 
shrouded  beetle  man?" 

"My  eyes,"  he  grunted. 
160 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Basilisk  eyes,  I'm  sure.  And  what  behind 
the  eyes?" 

"My  thoughts." 

"You  certainly  keep  them  securely.  No  in- 
truders allowed.  But  you  haven't  answered 
my  question.  Have  you  ever  murdered  any 
one  in  cold  blood?  Or  are  you  a  married  man 
trifling  with  the  affections  of  poor  little  me?" 

"You  shall  know  all,"  he  began,  in  the  lei- 
surely tone  of  one  who  commences  a  long  nar- 
rative. "My  parents  were  honest,  but  poor. 
At  the  age  of  three  years  and  four  months, 
a  maternal  uncle,  who,  having  been  a  proof- 
reader of  Abyssinian  dialect  stories  for  a  ladies* 
magazine,  was  considered  a  literary  prophet, 
foretold  that  I  — " 

"Help!  Wait!  Stop!  — 

"'Oh,  skip  your  dear  uncle!'  the  bellman  exclaimed, 
And  impatiently  tinkled  his  bell." 

Her  companion  promptly  capped  her  verse :  — 

"'I  skip  forty  years/  said  the  baker  in  tears,"  — 

"You  can't,"  she  objected.  "If  you  skipped 
half  that,  I  don't  believe  it  would  leave  you 
much." 

161 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"When  one  is  giving  one's  life  history  by 
request,"  he  began,  with  dignity,  "interrup- 


tions— " 

u 


It  isn't  by  request,"  she  protested.  "I 
don't  want  your  life  history.  I  won't  have  it! 
You  shan't  treat  an  unprotected  and  helpless 
stranger  so.  Besides,  I  'm  much  more  interested 
to  know  how  you  came  to  be  familiar  with 
Lewis  Carroll." 

"Just  because  I've  wasted  my  career  on 
frivolous  trifles  like  science,  you  need  n't 
think  I've  wholly  neglected  the  true  inward- 
ness of  life,  as  exemplified  in  'The  Hunting  of 
the  Snark,'"  he  said  gravely. 

"Do  you  know"  —  she  leaned  forward, 
searching  his  face  —  "I  believe  you  came  out 
of  that  book  yourself.  Are  you  a  Boojum?  Will 
you,  unless  I '  charm  you  with  smiles  and  soap,' 

"'  Softly  and  silently  vanish  away, 
And  never  be  heard  of  again '  ?  " 

"You're  mixed.  You'd  be  the  one  to  do  that 
if  I  were  a  real  Boojum.  And  you'll  be  doing  it 
soon  enough,  anyway,"  he  concluded  ruefully. 

"So  I  shall,  but  don't  be  too  sure  that  I'll 
'never  be  heard  of  again.'" 

162 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

He  glanced  up  at  the  sun,  which  was  edging 
behind  a  dark  cloud,  over  the  gap. 

"Is  your  raging  thirst  for  personal  informa- 
tion sufficiently  slaked?"  he  asked.  "We've 
still  fifteen  or  twenty  minutes  left." 

"  Is  that  all  ?  And  I  have  n't  yet  given  you 
the  message!"  She  drew  it  from  the  bag  and 
handed  it  to  him. 

"Sealed,"  he  observed. 

The  girl  colored  painfully. 

"Dad  didn't  intend  —  You  mustn't 
think-  '  With  a  flash  of  generous  wrath 
she  tore  the  envelope  open  and  held  out  the 
inclosure.  "But  I  should  n't  have  thought  you 
so  concerned  with  formalities,"  she  commented 
curiously. 

"  It  is  n't  that.  But  in  some  respects,  pos- 
sibly important,  it  would  be  better  if — "  He 
stopped,  looking  at  her  doubtfully. 

"Read  it,"  she  nodded. 

He  ran  through  the  brief  document. 

"Yes;  it's  just  as  well  that  I  should  know. 
I  '11  leave  a  copy." 

Something  in  his  accent  made  her  scruti- 
nize him. 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"You're  going  into  danger!"  she  cried. 

"Danger?  No;  I  think  not.  Difficulty, 
perhaps.  But  I  think  it  can  be  put  through." 

"If  it  were  dangerous,  you'd  do  it  just  the 
same,"  she  said,  almost  accusingly, 

"  It  would  be  worth  some  danger  now  to  get 
you  away  from  greater  danger  later.  See  here, 
Miss  Brews ter"  —  he  rose  and  stood  over 
her  —  "  there  must  be  no  mistake  or  misunder- 
standing about  this." 

"Don't  gloom  at  me  with  those  awful  glasses, 
she  said  fretfully.  "I  feel  as  if  I  were  being 
stared  at  by  a  hidden  person." 

He  disregarded  the  protest. 

"  If  I  get  this  message  through,  can  you  guar- 
antee that  your  father  will  take  out  the  yacht 
as  soon  as  the  Dutch  send  word  to  him  ? " 

"Oh,  yes.  He  will  do  that.  How  are  you 
going  to  deliver  the  message?" 

Again  her  words  might  as  well  not  have  been 
spoken. 

"You'd  better  have  your  luggage  ready  for 
a  quick  start." 

"Will  it  be  soon?" 

"It  may  be." 

164 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE   PERK 

"How  shall  we  know?" 

"I  will  get  word  to  you." 

"Bring  it?" 

He  shook  his  head. 

"No;  I  fear  not.  This  is  good-bye." 

"You're  very  casual  about  it,"  she  said, 
aggrieved.  "At  least,  it  would  be  polite  to 
pretend." 

"What  am  I  to  pretend?" 

"To  be  sorry.  Are  n't  you  sorry?  Just  a 
little  bit?" 

"Yes;  I'm  sorry.  Just  a  little  bit — at  least." 

"I'm  most  awfully  sorry  myself,"  she  said 
frankly.  "I  shall  miss  you." 

"As  a  curiosity?"  he  asked,  smiling. 

"As  a  friend.  You  have  been  a  friend  to  us 
-  to  me,"  she  amended  sweetly.    "Each  time 
I  see  you,  I  have  more  the  feeling  that  you've 
been  more  of  a  friend  than  I  know." 

"'That  which  thy  servant  is,'"  he  quoted 
lightly.  But  beneath  the  lightness  she  divined 
a  pain  that  she  could  not  wholly  fathom. 
Quite  aware  of  her  power,  Miss  Polly  Brewster 
was  now,  for  one  of  the  few  times  in  her  life, 
stricken  with  contrition  for  her  use  of  it. 

165 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"And  I  —  I  haven't  been  very  nice,"  she 
faltered.  "I'm  afraid  sometimes  I've  been 
quite  horrid." 

"You?  You've  been  'the  glory  and  the 
dream.'  I  shall  be  needing  memories  for  a 
while.  And  when  the  glory  has  gone,  at  least 
the  dream  will  remain  —  tethered." 

"But  I'm  not  going  to  be  a  dream  alone," 
she  said,  with  wistful  lightness.  "It's  far  too 
much  like  being  a  ghost.  I'm  going  to  be  a 
friend,  if  you'll  let  me.  And  I  'm  going  to  write 
to  you,  if  you  will  tell  me  where.  You  won't 
find  it  so  very  easy  to  make  a  mere  memory 
of  me.  And  when  you  come  home —  When 
are  you  coming  home?" 

He  shook  his  head. 

"Then  you  must  find  out,  and  let  me  know. 
And  you  must  come  and  visit  us  at  our  summer 
place,  where  there's  a  mountain-side  that  we 
can  sit  on,  and  you  can  pretend  that  our  lake 
is  the  Caribbean  and  hate  it  to  your  heart's 
content — " 

"I  don't  believe  I  can  ever  quite  hate  the 
Caribbean  again." 

"From  this  view  you  mustn't,  anyway.  I 
166 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

should  n't  like  that.  As  for  our  lake,  nobody 
could  really  help  loving  it.  So  you  must  be  sure 
and  come,  won't  you?" 

"Dreams!"  he  murmured. 

"Isn't  there  room  in  the  scientific  life  for 
dreams?" 

"Yes.  But  not  for  their  fulfillment." 

"But  there  will  be  beetles  and  dragon-flies 
on  our  mountain,"  she  went  on,  conscious  of 
talking  against  time,  of  striving  to  put  off  the 
moment  of  departure.  "You'll  find  plenty  of 
work  there.  Do  you  know,  Mr.  Beetle  Man, 
you  have  n't  told  me  a  thing,  really,  about  your 
work,  or  a  thing,  really,  about  yourself.  Is  that 
the  way  to  treat  a  friend?" 

"When  I  undertook  to  spread  before  you 
the  true  and  veracious  history  of  my  life,"  he 
began,  striving  to  make  his  tone  light,  "you 
would  none  of  it." 

"Are  you  determined  to  put  me  off?  Do  you 
think  that  I  would  n't  find  the  things  that  are 
real  to  you  interesting?" 

"They're  quite  technical,"  he  said  shyly. 

"But  they  are  the  big  things  to  you,  are  n't 
they?  They  make  life  for  you?" 

167  ' 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Oh,  yes;  that,  of  course.'*  It  was  as  if  he 
were  surprised  at  the  need  of  such  a  question. 
"I  suppose  I  find  the  same  excitement  and 
adventure  in  research  that  other  men  find  in 
politics,  or  war,  or  making  money." 

"Adventure?"  she  said,  puzzled.  "I  should 
n't  have  supposed  research  an  adventurous 
career,  exactly." 

"No;  not  from  the  outside."  His  hidden  gaze 
shifted  to  sweep  the  far  distances.  His  voice 
dropped  and  softened,  and,  when  he  spoke 
again,  she  felt  vaguely  and  strangely  that  he 
was  hardly  thinking  of  her  or  her  question, 
except  as  a  part  of  the  great  wonder-world 
surrounding  and  enfolding  their  companioned 
remoteness. 

"This  is  my  credo"  he  said,  and  quoted,  half 
under  his  breath:  — 

" '  We  have  come  in  search  of  truth, 
Trying  with  uncertain  key 
Door  by  door  of  mystery. 
We  are  reaching,  through  His  laws, 
To  the  garment  hem  of  Cause. 
As,  with  fingers  of  the  blind, 
We  are  groping  here  to  find 
What  the  hieroglyphics  mean 
Of  the  Unseen  in  the  seen; 
168 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

What  the  Thought  which  underlies 

Nature's  masking  and  disguise; 

What  it  is  that  hides  beneath 

Blight  and  bloom  and  birth  and  death.' " 

Other  men  had  poured  poetry  into  Polly 
Brewster's  ears,  and  she  had  thought  them 
vapid  or  priggish  or  affected,  according  as 
they  had  chosen  this  or  that  medium.  This 
man  was  different.  For  all  his  outer  gro- 
tesquery,  the  noble  simplicity  of  the  verse 
matched  some  veiled  and  hitherto  but  half- 
expressed  quality  within  him,  and  dignified 
him.  Miss  Brewster  suffered  the  strange  but 
not  wholly  unpleasant  sensation  of  feeling  her- 
self dwindle. 

"  It's  very  beautiful,"  she  said,  with  an  effort. 
"Is  it  Matthew  Arnold?" 

"Nearer  home.  You  an  American,  and  don't 
know  your  Whittier?  That  passage  from  his 
'Agassiz'  comes  pretty  near  to  being  what  life 
means  to  me.  Have  I  answered  your  require- 
ments?" 

"Fully  and  finely." 

She  rose  from  the  rock  upon  which  she  had 
been  seated,  and  stretched  out  both  hands 

169 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

to  him.  He  took  and  held  them  without  awk- 
wardness or  embarrassment.  By  that  alone 
she  could  have  known  that  he  was  suffering 
with  a  pain  that  submerged  consciousness  of 
self. 

"Whether  I  see  you  again  or  not,  I'll  never 
forget  you,"  she  said  softly.  "You  have  been 
good  to  me,  Mr.  Perkins." 

"I  like  the  other  name  better,"  he  said. 

"Of  course.  Mr.  Beetle  Man."  She  laughed 
a  little  tremulously.  Abruptly  she  stamped  a 
determined  foot.  "  I  'm  not  going  away  without 
having  seen  my  friend  for  once.  Take  off  your 
glasses,  Mr.  Beetle  Man." 

"Too  much  radiance  is  bad  for  the  micro- 
scopical eye." 

"The  sun  is  under  a  cloud." 

"But  you're  here,  and  you'd  glow  in  the 
dark." 

"No;  I'm  not  to  be  put  off  with  pretty 
speeches.  Take  them  off.  Please!" 

Releasing  her  hand,  he  lifted  off  the  heavy 
and  disfiguring  apparatus,  and  stood  before 
her,  quietly  submissive  to  her  wish.  She  took 
a  quick  step  backward,  stumbled,  and  thrust 

170 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

out  a  hand  against  the  face  of  the  giant  rock 
for  support. 

"Oh!"  she  cried,  and  again,  "Oh,  I  didn't 
think  you'd  look  like  that!" 

"What  is  it?  Is  there  anything  very  wrong 
with  me?"  he  asked  seriously,  blinking  a  little 
in  the  soft  light. 

"No,  no.  It  is  n't  that.  I  — I  hardly  know— 
I  expected  something  different.  Forgive  me  for 
being  so  —  so  stupid." 

In  truth,  Miss  Polly  Brewster  had  sustained 
a  shock.  She  had  become  accustomed  to  regard 
her  beetle  man  rather  more  in  the  light  of  a 
beetle  than  a  man.  In  fact,  the  human  side 
of  him  had  impressed  her  only  as  a  certain 
dim  appeal  to  sympathy;  the  masculine  side 
had  simply  not  existed.  Now  it  was  as  if  he 
had  unmasked.  The  visage,  so  grotesque  and 
gnomish  behind  its  mechanical  apparatus,  had 
given  place  to  a  wholly  different  and  formidably 
strange  face.  The  change  all  centered  in  the 
eyes.  They  were  wide-set  eyes  of  the  clearest, 
steadiest,  and  darkest  gray  she  had  ever  met; 
and  they  looked  out  at  her  from  sharply  angled 
brows  with  a  singular  clarity  and  calmness  of 

171 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

regard.  In  their  light  the  man's  face  became 
instinct  with  character  in  every  line.  Strength 
was  there,  self-control,  dignity,  a  glint  of  humor 
in  the  little  wrinkles  at  the  corner  of  the  mouth, 
and,  withal  a  sort  of  quiet  and  sturdy  beauty. 

She  had  half-turned  her  face  from  him. 
Now,  as  her  gaze  returned  and  was  fixed  by 
his,  she  felt  a  wave  of  blood  expand  her  heart, 
rush  upward  into  her  cheeks,  and  press  into 
her  eyes  tears  of  swift  regret.  But  now  she  was 
sorry,  not  for  him,  but  for  herself,  because  he 
had  become  remote  and  difficult  to  her. 

"Have  I  startled  you?"  he  asked  curiously. 
"I'll  put  them  back  on  again." 

"No,  no;  don't  do  that!"  She  rallied  herself 
to  the  point  of  laughing  a  little.  "I'm  a  goose. 
You  see,  I've  pictured  you  as  quite  different. 
Have  you  ever  seen  yourself  in  the  glass  with 
those  dreadful  disguises  on?" 

"Why,  no;  I  don't  suppose  I  have,"  he 
replied,  after  reflection.  "After  all,  they're 
meant  for  use,  not  for  ornament." 

By  this  time  she  had  mastered  her  confusion 
and  was  able  to  examine  his  face.  Under  his  eyes 
were  circles  of  dull  gray,  defined  by  deep  lines. 

172 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Why,  you're  worn  out!"  she  cried  pitifully. 
"Have  n't  you  been  sleeping?" 

"Not  much." 

"You  must  take  something  for  it."  The 
mothering  instinct  sprang  to  the  rescue.  "How 
much  rest  did  you  get  last  night?" 

"Let  me  see.  Last  night  I  did  very  well. 
Fully  four  hours." 

"And  that  is  more  than  you  average?" 

"Well,  yes;  lately.  You  see,  I've  been 
pretty  busy." 

"Yet  you've  given  up  your  time  to  my 
wretched,  unimportant  little  stupid  affairs! 
And  what  return  have  I  made?" 

"You've  made  the  sun  shine,"  he  said,  "in 
a  rather  shaded  existence." 

"Promise  me  that  you'll  sleep  to-night; 
that  you  won't  work  a  stroke." 

"No;  I  can't  promise  that." 

"You'll  break  down.  You'll  go  to  pieces. 
What  have  you  got  to  do  more  important  than 
keeping  in  condition?" 

"As  to  that,  I'll  last  through.  And  there's 
some  business  that  won't  wait." 

Divination  came  upon  her. 
173 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Dad's  message!" 

"  If  it  were  n't  that,  it  would  be  something 
else." 

Her  hand  went  out  to  him,  and  was  with- 
drawn. 

"Please  put  on  your  glasses,"  she  said 
shyly. 

Smiling,  he  did  her  bidding. 

"There!  Now  you  are  my  beetle  man  again. 
No,  not  quite,  though.  You  '11  never  be  quite 
the  same  beetle  man  again." 

"  I  shall  always  be,"  he  contradicted  gently. 

"Anyway,  it's  better.  You're  easier  to  say 
things  to.  Are  you  really  the  man  who  ran 
away  from  the  street  car?"  she  asked  doubt- 
fully. 

"I  really  am." 

"Then  I'm  most  surely  sure  that  you  had 
good  reason."  She  began  to  laugh  softly.  "As 
for  the  stories  about  you,  I  'd  believe  them  less 
than  ever,  now." 

"Are  there  stories  about  me?" 

"Gossip  of  the  club.  They  call  you  'The 
Unspeakable  Perk'!" 

"Not  a  bad  nickname,"  he  admitted.    "I 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

expect  I  have  been  rather  unspeakable,  from 
their  point  of  view." 

A  desire  to  have  the  faith  that  was  in  her 
supported  by  this  man's  own  word  overrode 
her  shyness. 

"Mr.  Beetle  Man,"  she  said,  "have  you  got 
a  sister?" 

"I?  No.  Why?" 

"If  you  had  a  sister,  is  there  anything  — 
Oh,  darn  your  sister!"  broke  forth  the  irrepres- 
sible Polly.  "I'll  be  your  sister  for  this.  Is 
there  anything  about  you  and  your  life  here 
that  you'd  be  afraid  to  tell  me?" 

"No." 

"  I  knew  there  was  n't,"  she  said  contentedly. 
She  hesitated  a  moment,  then  put  a  hand  on 
his  arm.  "Does  this  have  to  be  good-bye,  Mr. 
Beetle  Man?"  she  said  wistfully. 

"I'm  afraid  so." 

"No!"  She  stamped  imperiously.  "I  want 
to  see  you  again,  and  I'm  going  to  see  you 
again.  Won't  you  come  down  to  the  port  and 
bring  me  another  bunch  of  your  mountain 
orchids  when  we  sail  —  just  for  good-bye?" 

Through  the  dull  medium  of  the  glasses  she 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

could  feel  his  eyes  questioning  hers.  And  she 
knew  that  once  more  before  she  sailed  away,  she 
must  look  into  those  eyes,  in  all  their  clarity 
and  all  their  strength — and  then  try  to  forget 
them.  The  swift  color  ran  up  into  her  cheeks. 

"I  —  I  suppose  so,"  he  said.  "Yes." 

"Au  revoir,  then!"  she  cried,  with  a  thrill  of 
gladness,  and  fled  up  the  rock. 

The  Unspeakable  Perk  strode  down  his  path, 
broke  into  a  trot,  and  held  to  it  until  he  reached 
his  house.  But  Miss  Polly,  departing  in  her 
own  direction,  stopped  dead  after  ten  minutes' 
going.  It  had  struck  her  forcefully  that  she  had 
forgotten  the  matter  of  the  expense  of  the  mes- 
sage. How  could  she  reach  him?  She  remem- 
bered the  cliff  above  the  rock,  and  the  signal. 
If  a  signal  was  valid  in  one  direction,  it  ought 
to  work  equally  well  in  the  other.  She  had  her 
automatic  with  her.  Retracing  her  steps,  she 
ascended  the  cliff,  a  rugged  climb.  Across  the 
deep-fringed  chasm  she  could  plainly  see  the 
porch  of  the  quinta  with  the  little  clearing  at 
the  side,  dim  in  the  clouded  light.  Drawing  the 
revolver,  she  fired  three  shots. 

"He'll  come,"  she  thought  contentedly. 
176 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

The  sun  broke  from  behind  the  obscuring 
cloud  and  sent  a  shaft  of  light  straight  down 
upon  the  clearing.  It  illumined  with  pitiless 
distinctness  the  shimmering  silk  of  a  woman's 
dress,  hanging  on  a  line  and  waving  in  the 
first  draft  of  the  evening  breeze.  For  a  moment 
Polly  stood  transfixed.  What  did  it  mean  ?  Was 
it  perhaps  a  servant's  dress.  No;  he  had  told 
her  that  there  was  no  woman  servant. 

As  she  sought  the  solution,  a  woman's  figure 
emerged  from  the  porch  of  the  quinta,  crossed 
the  compound,  and  dropped  upon  a  bench. 
Even  at  that  distance,  the  watcher  could  tell 
from  the  woman's  bearing  and  apparel  that  she 
was  not  of  the  servant  class.  She  seemed  to  be 
gazing  out  over  the  mountains ;  there  was  some- 
thing dreary  and  forlorn  in  her  attitude.  What, 
then,  did  she  do  in  the  beetle  man's  house? 

Below  the  rock  the  shrubbery  weaved  and 
thrashed,  and  the  person  who  could  best  an- 
swer that  question  burst  into  view  at  a  full  lope. 

"What  is  it?"  he  panted.  "Was  it  you  who 
fired?" 

She  stared  at  him  mutely.  The  revolver  hung 
in  her  hand.  In  a  moment  he  was  beside  her. 

177 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Has  anything  happened?"  he  began  again, 
then  turned  his  head  to  follow  the  direction  of 
her  regard.  He  saw  the  figure  in  the  compound. 

"Good  God  in  heaven!"  he  groaned. 

He  caught  the  revolver  from  her  hand  and 
fired  three  slow  shots.  The  woman  turned. 
Snatching  off  his  hat,  he  signalled  violently 
with  it.  The  woman  rose  and,  as  it  seemed  to 
Polly  Brewster,  moved  in  humble  submissive- 
ness  back  to  the  shelter. 

White  consternation  was  stamped  on  the 
Unspeakable  Perk's  face  as  he  handed  the  re- 
volver to  its  owner. 

"Do  you  need  me?"  he  asked  quickly.  "If 
not,  I  must  go  back  at  once." 

"I  do  not  need  you,"  said  the  girl,  in  level 
tones.  "You  lied  to  me." 

His  expression  changed.  She  read  in  it  the 
desperation  of  guilt. 

"I  can  explain,"  he  said  hurriedly,  "but 
not  now.  There  is  n't  time.  Wait  here.  I  '11  be 
back.  I  '11  be  back  the  instant  I  can  get  away." 

As  he  spoke,  he  was  halfway  down  the  rock, 
headed  for  the  lower  trail.  The  bushes  closed 
behind  him. 

178 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Painfully  Polly  Brewster  made  her  way 
down  the  treacherous  footing  of  the  cliff  path 
to  her  place  on  the  rock.  From  her  bag  she 
drew  one  of  her  cards,  wrote  slowly  and  carefully 
a  few  words,  found  a  dry  stick,  set  it  between 
two  rocks,  and  pinned  her  message  to  it.  Then 
she  ran,  as  helpless  humans  run  from  the 
scourge  of  their  own  hearts. 

Half  an  hour  later  the  hermit,  sweat-covered 
and  breathless,  returned  to  the  rock.  For  a 
moment  he  gazed  about,  bewildered  by  the 
silence.  The  white  card  caught  his  eye.  He 
read  its  angular  scrawl. 

"I  wish  never  to  see  you  again.  Never! 
Never!  Never!" 

A  sulphur-yellow  inquisitor,  of  a  more  in- 
sinuating manner  than  the  former  participant 
in  their  conversation,  who  had  been  examining 
the  message  on  his  own  account,  flew  to  the 
top  of  the  cliff. 

"Qu'est-ce  qu'elle  dit?  Qu'est-ce  qu'elle 
dit?"  he  demanded. 

For  the  first  time  in  his  adult  life  the  beetle 
man  threw  a  stone  at  a  bird. 


VIII 

LOS    YANKIS 

LUNCHEON  on  the  day  following  the 
kiskadee  bird's  narrow  squeak  for  his 
life  was  a  dreary  affair  for  Mr.  Fitzhugh  Carroll. 
Business  had  called  Mr.  Brewster  away.  This 
deprivation  the  Southerner  would  have  borne 
with  equanimity.  But  Miss  Brewster  had  also 
absented  herself,  which  was  rather  too  much 
for  the  devoted,  but  apprehensive,  lover.  Thus, 
ample  time  was  given  him  to  consider  how  ill 
his  suit  was  prospering.  The  longer  he  stayed, 
the  less  he  saw  of  Miss  Polly.  That  she  was 
kinder  and  more  gentle,  less  given  to  teasing 
him  than  of  yore,  was  poor  compensation.  He 
was  shrewd  enough  to  draw  no  good  augury 
from  that.  Something  had  altered  her,  and  he 
was  divided  between  suspicion  of  the  last 
week's  mail,  the  arrival  of  which  had  been 
about  contemporaneous  with  her  change  of 
spirit,  and  some  local  cause.  Was  a  letter  from 
Smith,  the  millionaire,  or  Bobby,  the  friend 
of  her  childhood,  responsible?  Or  was  the 
cause  nearer  at  hand? 

1 80 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

For  one  preposterous  moment  he  thought 
of  the  Unspeakable  Perk.  A  quick  visualization 
of  that  gnomish,  froggish  face  was  enough  to 
dispel  the  suspicion.  At  least  the  petted  and 
rather  fastidious  Miss  Brewster's  fancy  would 
be  captured  only  by  a  gentleman,  not  by  any 
such  homunculus  as  the  mountain  dweller. 
Her  interest,  perhaps;  the  man  possessed  the 
bizarre  attraction  of  the  freakish.  But  any- 
thing else  was  absurd.  And  the  knight  was  in- 
clined to  attaint  his  lady  for  a  certain  cruelty 
in  the  matter;  she  was  being  something  less 
than  fair  to  the  Unspeakable  Perk. 

The  searchlight  of  his  surmise  ranged  farther. 
Raimonda!  The  young  Caracunan  was  hand- 
some, distinguished,  manly,  with  a  romantic 
charm  that  the  American  did  not  underesti- 
mate. He,  at  least,  was  a  gentleman,  and  the 
assiduity  of  his  attentions  to  the  Northern 
beauty  had  become  the  joke  of  the  clubs  — 
except  when  Raimonda  was  present.  By  the 
same  token,  half  of  the  gilded  youth  of  the 
capital,  and  most  of  the  young  diplomats, 
were  the  sworn  slaves  of  the  girl.  It  was  a  con- 
fused field,  indeed.  Well,  thank  Heaven,  she 

181 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

would  soon  be  out  of  it!  Word  had  come  down 
from  her  that  she  was  busy  packing  her  things. 
Carroll  wandered  about  the  hotel,  waiting  for 
the  news  that  would  explain  this  preparation. 

It  came,  at  mid-afternoon,  in  the  person  of 
Miss  Polly  herself.  Why  packing  trunks,  with 
the  aid  of  an  experienced  maid,  should,  even 
in  a  hot  climate,  produce  heavy  circles  under 
the  eyes,  a  droop  at  the  mouth  corners,  and  a 
complete  submersion  of  vivacity,  is  a  problem 
which  Carroll  then  and  there  gave  up.  He  had 
too  much  tact  to  question  or  comment. 

"Oh,  I'm  so  tired!"  she  said,  giving  him  her 
hand.  "Have  you  much  packing  to  do,  Fitz- 
hugh?" 

"No  one  has  given  me  any  notice  to  get 
ready,  Miss  Polly." 

"How  very  neglectful  of  me!  We  may  leave 
at  any  time." 

"Yes;  you  may.  But  my  ship  does  n't  seem 
to  be  coming  in  very  fast." 

The  double  entente  was  unintentional,  but 
the  girl  winced. 

"Are  n't  you  coming  with  us  on  the  yacht?" 

"  Am  I  ? "  His  handsome  face  lighted  hopefully. 
182 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Of  course.  Dad  expects  you  to.  What  kind 
of  people  should  we  be  to  leave  any  friend 
behind,  with  matters  as  they  are?" 

"Ah,  yes."  The  hope  passed  out  of  his  face. 
"Dictates  of  humanity,  and  that  sort  of  thing. 
I  think,  if  you  and  Mr.  Brewster — " 

"Please  don't  be  silly,  Fitz,"  she  pleaded. 
"You  know  it  would  make  me  most  unhappy 
to  leave  you." 

Rarely  did  the  scion  of  Southern  blood  and 
breeding  lose  the  self-control  and  reserve  on 
which  he  prided  himself,  but  he  had  been 
harassed  by  events  to  an  unwonted  strain  of 
temper. 

"Is  it  making  you  unhappy  to  leave  any 
one  else  here?"  he  blurted  out. 

The  challenge  stirred  the  girl's  spirit. 

"No,  indeed!  I  would  n't  care  if  I  never  saw 
any  of  them  again.  I  'm  tired  of  it  all.  I  want 
to  go  home,"  she  said,  like  a  pathetic  child. 

"Oh,  Miss  Polly,"  he  began,  taking  a  step 
toward  her,  "if  you'd  only  let  me  — " 

She  put  up  one  little  sunburned  hand. 

"Please,  Fitz!  I  — I  don't  feel  up  to  it 
to-day." 

183 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Humbly  he  subsided. 

"I'd  no  right  to  ask  you  the  question,"  he 
apologized.  "  It  was  kind  of  you  to  answer  me 
at  all." 

"You're  really  a  dear,  Fitz,"  she  said,  smiling 
a  little  wanly.  "Sometimes  I  wish — " 

She  did  not  finish  her  sentence,  but  wandered 
over  to  the  window,  and  gazed  out  across  the 
square.  On  the  far  side  something  quite  out 
of  the  ordinary  seemed  to  be  going  on. 

"The  legless  beggar  seems  to  have  collected 
quite  an  audience,"  she  remarked  idly. 

Her  suitor  joined  her  on  the  parlor  balcony. 

"Possibly  he's  starting  a  revolution.  Any 
one  can  do  it  down  here." 

Vehement  adjuration,  in  a  high,  strident 
voice,  came  floating  across  to  them. 

"Listen!"  cried  the  girl.  "He's  speaking 
English,  is  n't  he?" 

"It  seems  to  be  a  mixture  of  English,  French, 
and  Spanish.  Quite  a  polyglot  the  friend  of  your 
friend  Perkins  appears  to  be." 

She  turned  steady  eyes  upon  him. 

"Mr.  Perkins  is  not  my  friend." 

"No?" 

184 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"I  never  want  to  see  him,  or  to  hear  his 
name  again." 

'Ah,  then  you've  found  out  about  him?" 

"Yes."     She  flushed.     "Yes  — at  least  — 
Yes,"  she  concluded. 

"He  admitted  it  to  you?" 

"No,  he  lied  about  it." 

"  I  think  I  shall  go  up  and  make  a  call  on  Mr. 
Perkins,"  said  Carroll,  with  formidable  quiet. 

"Oh,  it  does  n't  matter,"  she  answered  wea- 
rily. "He'd  only  run  away  and  hide."  As  she 
said  it,  her  inner  self  convicted  her  tongue  of 
lying. 

"Very  likely.  Yet,  see  here,  Miss  Polly,— 
I  want  to  be  fair  to  that  fellow.  It  does  n't 
follow  that  because  he 's  a  coward  he 's  a  cad." 

"He  is  n't  a  coward!"  she  flashed. 

"You  just  said  yourself  that  he'd  run  and 
hide." 

"Well,  he  would  n't,  and  he  is  a  cad." 

"As  you  like.  In  any  case,  I  shall  make  it 
a  point  to  see  him  before  I  leave.  If  he  can 
explain,  well  and  good.  If  not  —  "  He  did  not 
conclude. 

"Our  orator  seems  to  have  finished,"  ob- 
185 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

served  the  girl.  "  I  shall  go  back  upstairs  and 
write  some  good-bye  notes  to  the  kind  people 
here." 

"Just  for  curiosity,  I  think  I'll  drive  across 
and  look  at  the  legless  Demosthenes,"  said  her 
companion.  "  I  was  going  to  do  a  little  shopping, 
anyway.  So  I'll  report  later,  if  he's  revolut- 
ing  or  anything  exciting." 

From  her  own  balcony,  when  she  reached  it, 
Polly  had  a  less  obstructed  view  of  the  beggar's 
appropriated  corner,  and  she  looked  out  a  few 
minutes  after  she  reached  the  room  to  see 
whether  he  had  resumed  his  oratory.  Appar- 
ently he  had  not,  for  the  crowd  had  melted 
away.  The  legless  one  was  rocking  himself 
monotonously  upon  his  stumps.  His  head  was 
sunk  forward,  and  from  his  extraordinary 
mouthings  the  spectator  judged  that  he  must 
be  talking  to  himself  with  resumed  vehemence. 
From  what  next  passed  before  her  astonished 
vision,  Miss  Brews ter  would  have  suspected 
herself  of  a  hallucination  of  delirium  had  she 
not  been  sure  of  normal  health. 

One  of  the  well-horsed,  elegant  little  public 
victorias  with  which  the  city  is  so  well  supplied 

1 86 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

stopped  at  the  curb,  and  the  handsome  head 
of  Preston  Fairfax  Fitzhugh  Carroll  was  thrust 
forth.  At  almost  the  same  moment  the  Unspeak- 
able Perk  appeared  upon  the  steps.  He  was  wear- 
ing a  pair  of  enormous,  misfit  white  gloves. 
He  went  down  to  the  beggar,  reached  forth  a 
hand,  and,  to  the  far-away  spectator's  wonder- 
struck  interpretation,  seemed  to  thrust  some- 
thing, presumably  a  document,  into  the  breast 
of  the  mendicant's  shirt.  Having  performed  this 
strange  rite,  he  leaped  up  the  steps,  hesitated, 
rushed  over  to  Carroll's  equipage,  and  laid 
violent  hands  upon  the  occupant,  with  obvious 
intent  to  draw  him  forth.  For  a  moment  they 
seemed  to  struggle  upon  the  sidewalk;  then 
both  rushed  upon  the  unfortunate  beggar  and 
proceeded  to  kidnap  him  and  thrust  him  bodily 
into  the  cab. 

The  driver  turned  in  his  seat  at  this  point, 
his  cue  in  the  mad  farce  having  been  given, 
and  opened  speech  with  many  gestures,  where- 
upon Carroll  arose  and  embraced  him  warmly. 
And  with  this  grouping,  the  vehicle,  bearing 
its  lunatic  load,  sped  around  the  corner  and 
disappeared,  while  the  sole  interested  witness 

187 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

retired  to  obscurity,  with  her  reeling  head  be- 
tween her  hands. 

One  final  touch  of  phantasy  was  given  to 
the  whole  affair  when,  two  hours  later,  she  met 
Carroll,  soiled  and  grimy,  coming  across  the 
plaza,  smoking — he,  the  addict  to  thirty-cent 
Havanas!  —  an  awful  native  cheroot,  whose 
incense  spread  desolation  about  him.  Further 
and  more  extraordinary,  when  she  essayed  to 
obtain  a  solution  of  the  mystery  from  him,  he 
repelled  her  with  emphatic  gestures  and  a  few 
half-strangled  words  with  whose  unintelligibil- 
ity  the  cheroot  fumes  may  have  had  some  con- 
nection, and  hurried  into  the  hotel,  where  he 
remained  in  seclusion  the  rest  of  the  day. 

What  in  the  name  of  all  the  wonders  could 
it  mean?  On  Mr.  Brewster's  return,  she  laid 
the  matter  before  him  at  the  dinner  table. 

"Touch  of  the  sun,  perhaps,"  he  hazarded. 
"Nothing  else  I  know  of  would  explain  it." 

"Do  two  Americans,  a  half-breed  beggar, 
and  a  local  coachman  get  sunstruck  at  one 
and  the  same  time?"  she  inquired  disdain- 
fully. 

"Does  n't  seem  likely.  By  your  account, 
188 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

though,  the  crippled  beggar  seems  to  have  been 
the  little  Charlie  Ross  of  melodrama." 

"Then  why  didn't  he  shout  for  help?  I 
listened,  but  did  n't  hear  a  sound  from  him." 

"Movie-picture  rehearsal,"  grunted  Mr. 
Brewster.  "I  can't  quite  see  the  heir  of  all  the 
Virginias  in  the  part.  Is  n't  he  coming  down  to 
dinner  this  evening?" 

"His  dinner  was  sent  up  to  his  room.  Is  n't 
it  extraordinary?" 

"Ask  Sherwen  about  it.  He's  coming  around 
this  evening  for  coffee  in  our  rooms.'* 

But  the  American  representative  had  some- 
thing else  on  his  mind  besides  casual  kid- 
napings. 

"I've  just  come  from  a  talk  with  the  British 
Minister,"  he  remarked,  setting  down  his  cup. 
"He's  officially  in  charge  of  American  inter- 
ests, you  know." 

"Thought  you  were,"  said  Mr.  Brewster. 

"Officially,  I  have  no  existence.  The  United 
States  of  America  is  wiped  off  the  map,  so  far 
as  the  sovereign  Republic  of  Caracufia  is  con- 
cerned. Some  of  its  politicians  would  n't  be 
over-grieved  if  the  local  Americans  underwent 

189 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

the  same  process.  The  British  Minister  would, 
I'm  sure,  sleep  easier  if  you  were  all  a  thou- 
sand miles  away  from  here." 

"Tell  Sir  Willet  that  he's  very  ungallant," 
pouted  Miss  Polly.  "When  I  sat  next  to  him 
at  dinner  last  week  he  offered  to  establish 
woman  suffrage  here  and  elect  me  next  presi- 
dent if  I'd  stay." 

Sherwen  hardly  paid  this  the  tribute  of  a 
smile. 

"That  was  before  he  found  out  certain 
things.  The  Hochwald  Legation "  —  he  low- 
ered his  voice  —  "is  undoubtedly  stirring  up 
anti-American  sentiment." 

"  But  why  ? "  inquired  Mr.  Brewster.  "  There 's 
enough  trade  for  them  and  for  us?" 

"For  one  thing,  they  don't  like  your  con- 
cessions, Mr.  Brewster.  Then  they  have  heard 
that  Dr.  Pruyn  is  on  his  way,  and  they  want 
to  make  all  the  trouble  they  can  for  him,  and 
make  it  impossible  for  him  to  get  actual  in- 
formation of  the  presence  of  plague.  I  happen 
to  know  that  their  consul  is  officially  declaring 
fake  all  the  plague  rumors." 

"That  suits  me,"  declared  the  magnate.  "We 
190 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

don't  want  to  have  to  run  Dutch  and  quaran- 
tine blockade  both." 

"Meantime,  there  are  two  or  three  cheap 
but  dangerous  demagogues  who  have  been 
making  anti-'Yanki,'  as  they  call  us,  speeches 
in  the  slums.  Sir  Willet  does  n't  like  the  looks 
of  it.  If  there  were  any  way  in  which  you  could 
get  through,  and  to  sea,  it  would  be  well  to 
take  it  at  once.  Am  I  correct  in  supposing  that 
you've  taken  steps  to  clear  the  yacht,  Mr. 
Brewster?" 

"Yes.  That  is,  I've  sent  a  message.  Or, 
at  least,  so  my  daughter,  to  whose  management 
I  left  it,  believes." 

"Don't  tell  me  how,"  said  Sherwen  quickly. 
"There  is  reason  to  believe  that  it  has  been 
dispatched." 

"You've  heard  something?" 

"I  have  a  message  from  our  consul  at  Puerto 
del  Norte,  Mr.  Wisner." 

"For  me?"  asked  the  concessionaire. 

"Why,  no,"  was  the  hesitant  reply.  "  It  is  n't 
quite  clear,  but  it  seems  to  be  for  Miss  Brewster." 

"Why  not?"  inquired  that  young  lady 
coolly.  "What  is  it?" 

191 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"The  best  I  could  make  of  it  over  the  phone 
—  Wisner  had  to  be  guarded  —  was  that  people 
planning  to  take  Dutch  leave  would  better 
pay  their  parting  calls  by  to-morrow  at  the 
latest." 

"That  would  mean  day  after  to-morrow, 
would  n't  it?"  mused  the  girl. 

"If  it  means  anything  at  all,"  substituted 
her  father  testily. 

"Meantime,  how  do  you  like  the  Gran  Hotel 
Kast,  Miss  Brewster?"  asked  Sherwen. 

"  It's  awful  beyond  words !  I  Ve  done  nothing 
but  wish  for  a  brigade  of  Biddies,  with  good 
stout  mops,  and  a  government  permit  to  clean 
up.  I'd  give  it  a  bath!" 

"Yes,  it's  pretty  bad.  I'm  glad  you  don't 
like  it." 

"Glad?  Is  every  one  ag'in'  poor  me?" 

"Because  —  well,  the  American  Legation  is 
a  very  lonely  place.  Now,  the  presence  of  an 
American  lady — " 

"Are  you  offering  a  proposal  of  marriage, 
Mr.  Sherwen?"  twinkled  the  girl.  "If  so  — 
Dad,  please  leave  the  room. " 

"Knock  twenty  years  off  my  battle-scarred 
192 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

life  and  you  would  n't  be  safe  a  minute,"  he 
retorted.  "But,  no.  This  is  a  measure  of  safety. 
Sir  Willet  thinks  that  your  party  ought  to  be 
ready  to  move  into  the  American  Legation  on 
instant  notice,  if  you  can't  get  away  to  sea  to- 


morrow." 


"What's  the  use,  if  the  legation  has  no  offi- 
cial existence?"  asked  Mr.  Brewster. 

"In  a  sense  it  has.  It  would  probably  be 
respected  by  a  mob.  And,  at  the  worst,  it  ad- 
joins the  British  Legation,  which  would  be  quite 
safe.  If  it  were  n't  that  Sir  Willet's  boy  has 
typhoid,  you'd  be  formally  invited  to  go  there." 

"It's  very  good  of  you,"  said  Miss  Polly 
warmly.  "But  surely  it  would  be  an  awful  nui- 
sance to  you. " 

"On  the  contrary,  you'd  brace  up  my  far- 
too-casual  old  housekeeper  and  get  the  machin- 
ery running.  She  constantly  takes  advantage 
of  my  bachelor  ignorance.  If  you  say  you'll 
come,  I'll  almost  pray  for  the  outbreak." 

"Certainly  we'll  come,  at  any  time  you  notify 
us,"  said  Mr.  Brewster.  "And  we  're  very  grate- 
ful. Shall  you  have  room  for  Mr.  Carroll,  too?" 

"By  all  means.  And  I've  notified  Mr.  Cluff. 
193 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

You  won't  mind  his  being  there?  He's  a  rough 
diamond,  but  a  thoroughly  decent  fellow." 

"Useful,  too,  in  case  of  trouble,  I  should 
judge,"  said  the  magnate.  "Then  I'll  wait  for 
further  word  from  you." 

"Yes.   I  Ve  got  my  men  out  on  watch." 

"Would  n't  it  be  —  er  —  advisable  for  us  to 
arm  ourselves?" 

"By  no  means!  There's  just  one  course  to 
follow;  keep  the  peace  at  any  price,  and  give 
the  Hochwaldians  not  the  slightest  peg  on 
which  to  hang  a  charge  that  Americans  have 
been  responsible  for  any  trouble  that  might 
arise.  May  I  ask  you,"  he  added  significantly, 
"to  make  this  clear  to  Mr.  Carroll?" 

"Leave  that  to  me,"  said  Miss  Brewster, 
with  superb  confidence. 

"Content,  indeed!  You'll  find  our  locality 
very  pleasant,  Miss  Brewster.  Three  of  the 
other  legations  are  on  the  same  block,  not  in- 
cluding the  Hochwaldian,  which  is  a  quarter  of 
a  mile  down  the  hill.  On  our  corner  is  a  house 
where  several  of  the  English  railroad  men  live, 
and  across  is  the  Club  Amicitia,  made  up  largely 
of  the  jeunesse  doree,  who  are  mostly  pro- 

194 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

American.    So  you'll  be  quite  surrounded  by 
friends,  not  to  say  adherents." 

"Call  on  me  to  housekeep  for  you  at  any 
time,"  cried  Polly  gayly.  "I'll  begin  to  roll  up 
my  sleeves  as  soon  as  I  get  dressed  to-morrow." 


IX 

THE    BLACK    WARNING 

THAT  weird  three-part  drama  in  the  plaza 
which  had  so  puzzled  Miss  Polly  Brew- 
ster  had  developed  in  this  wise:  — 

Coincidently  with  the  departure  of  Preston 
Fairfax  Fitzhugh  Carroll  from  the  hotel  in  his 
cab,  the  unspeakable  Perk  emerged  from  a  store 
near  the  far  corner  of  the  square,  which  ex- 
ploited itself  in  the  purest  Castilian  as  offering 
the  last  word  in  the  matter  of  gentlemen's  ap- 
parel. "Articulos  para  Caballeros"  was  the 
representation  held  forth  upon  its  signboard. 

If  it  had  articled  Mr.  Perkins,  it  must  be  con- 
fessed that  it  had  done  its  job  unevenly,  not  to 
say  fantastically.  His  linen  was  fresh  and  new, 
quite  conspicuously  so,  and,  therefore,  in  sharp 
contrast  to  the  frayed  and  patched,  but  scrupu- 
lously clean  and  neatly  pressed  khaki  suit, 
which  set  forth  rather  bumpily  his  solid  figure. 
A  serviceable  pith  helmet  barely  overhung  the 
protrusive  goggles.  His  hands  were  encased  in 
white  cotton  gloves,  a  size  or  two  too  large. 

196 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Dismal  buff  spots  on  the  palms  impaired  their 
otherwise  virgin  purity.  As  the  wearer  carried 
his  hands  stiffly  splayed,  the  blemishes  were 
obtrusive.  Altogether,  one  might  have  said 
that,  if  he  were  going  in  for  farce,  he  was  appro- 
priately made  up  for  it. 

At  the  corner  above  the  beggar's  niche  he 
was  turning  toward  a  pharmacist's  entrance, 
when  the  mirth  of  the  departing  crowd  that  had 
been  enjoying  the  free  oratory  attracted  his  at- 
tention. He  glanced  across  at  the  beggar,  now 
rocking  rhythmically  on  his  stumps,  hesitated 
a  moment,  then  ran  down  the  steps. 

At  the  same  moment  Carroll's  cab  stopped 
on  the  other  angle  of  the  curb.  The  occupant 
put  forth  his  head,  saw  the  goggled  freak  de- 
scending to  the  legless  freak,  and  sat  back  again. 

"Hola,  Pancho!  Are  you  ill?"  asked  the  new- 
comer. 

The  beggar  only  swung  back  and  forth,  mut- 
tering with  frenzied  rapidity.  With  one  hand 
the  unspeakable  Perk  stopped  him,  as  one  might 
intercept  the  runaway  pendulum  of  a  clock, 
setting  the  other  on  his  forehead.  Then  he  bent 
and  brought  his  goblin  eyes  to  bear  on  the  dark 

197 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

face.  The  features  were  distorted,  the  eyelids 
tremulous  over  suffused  eyes,  and  the  teeth  set. 
Opening  the  man's  loose  shirt,  Perkins  thrust 
his  hand  within.  It  might  have  been  supposed 
that  he  was  feeling  for  the  heart  action,  were  it 
not  that  his  hand  slid  past  the  breast  and  around 
under  the  arm.  When  he  drew  it  out,  he  stood 
for  a  moment  with  chin  dropped,  in  considera- 
tion. 

Midday  heat  had  all  but  cleared  the  plaza. 
As  he  looked  about,  the  helper  saw  no  aid,  until 
his  eye  fell  upon  the  waiting  cab.  He  fairly 
bounded  up  the  stairs,  calling  something  to  the 
coachman. 

"No,"  grunted  that  toiler,  with  the  char- 
acteristic discourtesy  of  the  Caracunan  lower 
class,  and  jerked  his  head  backward  toward 
his  fare. 

"I  beg  your  pardon,"  said  the  Unspeakable 
Perk  eagerly,  in  Spanish,  turning  to  the  dim 
recess  of  the  victoria.  "Might  I —  Oh,  it's 
you!"  He  seized  Carroll  by  the  arm.  "I  want 
your  cab." 

"Indeed!"  said  Carroll.  "Well,  you're  cool 
enough  about  it." 

198 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"And  your  help,"  added  the  other. 

"What  for?" 

"Do  you  have  to  ask  questions?  The  man 
may  be  dying  —  is  dying,  I  think." 

"All  right,"  said  Carroll  promptly.  "What's 
to  be  done?" 

"Get  him  home.  Help  me  carry  him  to  the 
cab." 

Between  them,  the  two  men  lifted  the  heavy, 
mumbling  cripple,  carried  him  up  the  steps 
with  a  rush,  and  deposited  him  in  the  cab,  while 
the  driver  was  still  angrily  expostulating.  The 
beggar  was  shivering  now,  and  the  cold  sweat 
rolled  down  his  face.  His  bearers  placed  them- 
selves on  each  side  of  him.  Perkins  gave  an 
order  to  the  driver,  who  seemed  to  object,  and 
a  rapid-fire  argument  ensued. 

"What's  wrong?"  asked  Carroll. 

"  Says  he  won't  go  there.  Says  he  was  hired 
by  you  for  shopping." 

Carroll  took  one  look  at  the  agony-wrung 
face  of  the  beggar,  who  was  being  held  on  the 
seat  by  his  companion. 

"Won't  he?"  said  he  grimly.    "We'll  see." 

Rising,  he  threw  a  pair  of  long  arms  around 
199 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

those  of  the  driver,  pinning  him,  caught  the 
reins,  and  turned  the  horses. 

"Now  ask  him  if  he'll  drive,"  he  directed 
Perkins. 

"Si,  sefior!"  gasped  the  coachman,  whose 
breath  had  been  squeezed  almost  through  his 
crackling  ribs. 

"See  that  you  do,"  the  Southerner  bade  him, 
in  accents  that  needed  no  interpretation. 

Presently  Perkins  looked  up  from  his  charge. 

"Got  a  cigar?"  he  asked  abruptly. 

"No,"  replied  the  other,  a  little  disgusted  by 
this  levity  in  the  presence  of  imminent  death. 

Perkins  bade  the  driver  stop  at  the  corner. 

"Don't  let  him  fall  off  the  seat,"  he  admon- 
ished Carroll,  and  jumped  out. 

In  the  course  of  a  minute  he  reappeared, 
smoking  a  cheroot  that  appeared  to  be  writhing 
and  twisting  in  the  effort  to  escape  from  its  own 
noxious  fumes. 

"Have  one,"  he  said,  extending  a  handful  to 
his  companion. 

"I  don't  care  for  it,"  returned  the  other 
superciliously.  While  willing  to  aid  in  a  good 
work,  he  did  not  in  the  least  approve  either  of 

200 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

the  Unspeakable  Perk  or  of  his  offhand  man- 
ners. 

Before  they  had  gone  much  farther,  his  re- 
sentment was  heated  to  the  point  of  offense. 

"  Is  it  necessary  for  you  to  puff  every  puff  of 
that  infernal  smoke  in  my  face?"  he  demanded 
ominously. 

"Well,  you  would  n't  smoke,  yourself." 

"  If  it  were  n't  for  this  poor  devil  of  a  sick 
man  — "  began  Carroll,  when  a  second  thought 
about  the  smoke  diverted  his  line  of  thought. 
"Is  it  contagious?"  he  asked. 

"It's  so  regarded,"  observed  the  other  dryly. 

"I'll  take  one  of  those,  thank  you." 

Perkins  handed  him  one  of  the  rejected  spi- 
rals. In  silence,  except  for  the  outrageous  rat- 
tling of  the  wheels  on  the  cobbles,  they  drove 
through  mean  streets  that  grew  ever  meaner, 
until  they  drew  up  at  the  blind  front  of  a  build- 
ing abutting  on  an  arroyo  of  the  foothills.  Here 
they  stopped,  and  Carroll  threw  his  jehu  a  five- 
bolivar  piece,  which  the  driver  caught,  driving 
away  at  once,  without  the  demand  for  more 
which  usually  follows  overpayment  in  Cara- 
cuna.  Convenient  to  hand  lay  a  small  rock. 

20 1 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Perkins  used  it  for  a  knocker,  hammering  on 
the  guarded  wooden  door  with  such  vehemence 
as  to  still  the  clamor  that  arose  from  within. 

Through  the  opening,  as  the  barrier  was 
removed  by  a  leather-skinned  old  crone,  Car- 
roll gazed  into  a  passageway,  beyond  which 
stretched  a  foul  mule  yard,  bordered  by  what 
the  visitor  at  first  supposed  to  be  stalls,  until 
he  saw  bedding  and  utensils  in  them.  The  two 
men  lifted  the  cripple  in,  amid  the  outcries  and 
lamentations  of  the  aged  woman,  who  had 
looked  at  his  face  and  then  covered  her  own. 
At  once  they  were  surrounded  by  a  swarm  of 
women  and  children,  who  pressed  upon  them, 
hampering  their  movements,  until  a  shrill  voice 
cried :  — 

"La  muerte  negra!" 

The  swarm  fell  into  silence,  scattered,  van- 
ished, leaving  only  the  moaning  woman  to  help. 
At  her  direction  they  settled  the  patient  on  a 
straw  pallet  in  a  side  room. 

"That's  all  you  can  do,"  said  the  Unspeak- 
able Perk  to  his  companion.  "And  thank 
you." 

"I'll  stay." 

202 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

The  goggles  gloomed  upon  him  in  the  dim 
room. 

"  I  thought  probably  you  would,"  commented 
Perkins,  and  busied  himself  over  the  cripple 
with  a  knife  and  some  cloths.  He  had  stuffed 
his  ludicrous  white  gloves  into  his  pocket,  and 
was  tearing  strips  from  his  handkerchief  with 
skillful  fingers. 

"Ought  n't  he  to  have  a  doctor?"  asked  Car- 
roll. "Shall  I  go  for  one?" 

"His  mother  has  sent.  No  use,  though." 

"He  can't  be  saved?" 

"Not  a  chance  on  earth.  I  should  say  he  was 
in  the  last  stages." 

"What    is    it?"    said    Carroll    hesitantly. 

"La  muerte  negra.  The  black  death." 

"Plague?" 

"Yes." 

"Are  you  sure?   Are  you  an  expert?" 

"One  does  n't  have  to  be  to  recognize  a  case 
like  that.  The  lump  in  the  armpit  is  as  big  as  a 
pigeon's  egg." 

"Why  have  you  interested  yourself  in  the 
man  to  such  an  extent?"  asked  Carroll  curi- 
ously. 

203 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"He's  a  friend  of  mine.  Why  did  you?" 

"Oh,  that's  quite  different.  One  can't  dis- 
regard a  call  for  help  such  as  yours." 

"A  certain  kind  of  'one'  can't,"  returned  the 
Unspeakable  Perk,  with  his  half-smile.  "You 
don't  mind  my  saying,  Mr.  Carroll,  you're  a 
brave  man." 

"And  I'd  have  said  that  you  were  n't,"  re- 
plied the  other  bluntly.  "I  give  it  up.  But  I 
know  this:  I'm  going  to  be  pretty  wretchedly 
frightened  until  I  know  that  I  have  n't  got  it. 
I'm  frightened  now." 

"Then  you're  a  braver  man  than  I  thought. 
But  the  danger  may  be  less  than  you  think. 
Stick  to  that  cigar  —  here  are  two  more  —  and 
wait  for  me  outside.  Here's  the  doctor." 

Profound  and  solemn  under  a  silk  hat,  the 
local  physician  entered,  bowing  to  Carroll  as 
they  passed  in  the  hallway.  Almost  immedi- 
ately Perkins  emerged.  On  his  face  was  a  sar- 
donic grin. 

"Malaria,"  he  observed.  "The  learned  pro- 
fessor assures  me  that  it's  a  typical  malaria." 

"Then  it  isn't  the  plague,"  said  Carroll, 
relieved. 

204 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

His  relief  was  of  brief  duration. 

"Of  course  it's  plague.  But  if  Professor  Silk 
Hat,  in  there,  officially  declared  it  such,  he'd 
have  bracelets  on  his  arms  in  twelve  hours.  The 
present  Government  of  Caracuna  does  n't  be- 
lieve in  bubonic  plague.  I  fancy  our  unfortu- 
nate friend  in  there  will  presently  disappear, 
either  just  before  or  just  after  death.  It  does  n't 
greatly  matter." 

"What  is  to  be  done  now?"  asked  Carroll. 

"See  that  brush  fire  up  there?"  The  hermit 
pointed  to  the  hillside.  "  If  we  steep  ourselves 
in  that  smoke  until  we  choke,  I  think  it  will 
discourage  any  fleas  that  may  have  harbored 
on  us.  The  flea  is  the  only  agent  of  communi- 
cation." 

Soot-begrimed,  strangling,  and  with  stream- 
ing eyes,  they  emerged,  five  minutes  later,  from 
the  cloud  of  smoke.  From  his  pocket  the  Un- 
speakable Perk  dragged  forth  his  white  gloves. 
The  action  attracted  his  companion's  attention. 

"Good  Lord!"  he  cried.  "What  has  hap- 
pened to  your  hands?" 

"They're  blistered." 

"Stripped,  rather.  They  look  as  if  you'd 
205 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

fallen  into  a  fire,  or  rowed  a  fifty-mile  race. 
That  message  of  Mr.  Brewster's  —  See  here, 
Perkins,  y©u  did  n't  row  that  over  to  the  main- 
land? No,  you  could  n't.  That's  absurd.  It's 
too  far." 

"No;  I  did  n't  row  it  to  the  mainland." 

"  But  you  Ve  been  rowing.  I  'd  swear  to  those 
hands.  Where?  The  blockading  Dutch  war- 
ship?" 

The  other  nodded. 

"Last  night.  Yah— h— h!"  he  yawned.  "It 
makes  me  sleepy  to  think  of  it." 

"Why  didn't  they  blow  you  out  of  the 
water?" 

"Oh,  I  was  semiofficially  expected.  Message 
from  our  consul.  They  transferred  the  message 
by  wireless.  I  'm  telling  you  all  this,  Mr.  Car- 
roll, because  I  think  you'll  get  your  release 
within  forty-eight  hours,  and  I  want  you  to  see 
that  some  of  your  party  keeps  constantly  in 
touch  with  Mr.  Sherwen.  It's  mighty  impor- 
tant that  your  party  should  get  out  before 
plague  is  officially  declared." 

"Are  you  going  to  report  this  case?" 

"All  that  I  know  about  it." 
206 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"But,  of  course,  you  can't  report  officially, 
not  being  a  physician,"  mused  the  other.  "  Still, 
when  Dr.  Pruyn  comes,  it  will  be  evidence  for 
him,  won't  it?" 

"Undoubtedly.  I  should  consider  any  delay 
after  twenty-four  hours  risky  for  your  party." 

"What  shall  you  do?   Stay?" 

"Oh,  1  Ve  my  place  in  the  mountains.  That 's 
remote  enough  to  be  safe.  Thank  Heaven, 
there's  a  cloud  over  the  sun!  Let's  sit  down  by 
this  tree  for  a  minute." 

Unthinkingly,  as  he  stretched  himself  out, 
the  Unspeakable  Perk  pushed  his  goggles  back 
and  presently  slipped  them  off.  Thus,  when 
Carroll,  who  had  been  gazing  at  the  mist-capped 
peak  of  the  mountain  in  front,  turned  and  met 
his  companion's  eyes,  he  underwent  something 
of  the  same  shock  that  Polly  Brewster  had  ex- 
perienced, though  the  nature  of  his  sensation 
was  profoundly  different.  But  his  impression 
of  the  suddenly  revealed  face  was  the  same. 
Ribbed-in  though  his  mind  was  with  tradition, 
and  distorted  with  falsely  focused  ideals  and 
prejudices,  Preston  Fairfax  Fitzhugh  Carroll 
possessed  a  sound  underlying  judgment  of  his 

207 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

fellow  man,  and  was  at  bottom  a  frank  and  hon- 
orable gentleman.  In  his  belief,  the  suddenly 
revealed  face  of  the  man  beside  him  came  near 
to  being  its  own  guaranty  of  honor  and  good 
faith. 

"By  Heavens,  I  don't  believe  it!"  he  blurted 
out,  his  gaze  direct  upon  the  Unspeakable  Perk. 

"What  don't  you  believe?" 

"That  rotten  club  gossip." 

"About  me?" 

"Yes,"  said  Carroll,  reddening. 

The  hermit  pushed  his  glasses  down,  settled 
into  place  the  white  gloves,  with  their  soothing 
contents  of  emollient  greases,  and  got  to  his  feet. 

"We'd  best  be  moving.  I've  got  much  to 
do,"  he  said. 

"Not  yet,"  retorted  Carroll.  "Perkins,  is 
there  a  woman  up  there  on  the  mountains  with 
you?" 

"That  is  purely  my  own  business." 

"You  told  Miss  Brewster  there  was  n't.  If 
you  tell  me — " 

"I  never  told  her  any  such  thing.  She  mis- 
understood." 

"Who  is  the  woman?" 
208 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"If  you  want  it  even  more  frankly,  that  is 
none  of  your  concern." 

"You  have  been  letting  Miss  Brewster  - 

"  Are  you  engaged  to  marry  Miss  Brewster  ? " 

"No." 

"Then  you  have  no  authority  to  question 
me.  But,"  he  added  wearily,  "if  it  will  ease 
your  mind,  and  because  of  what  you've  done 
to-day,  I  '11  tell  you  this  —  that  I  do  not  expect 
ever  to  see  Miss  Brewster  again." 

•  "That  is  n't  enough,"  insisted  Carroll,  his 
face  darkening.  "Her  name  has  already  been 
connected  with  yours,  and  I  intend  to  follow 
this  through.  I  am  going  to  find  out  who  the 
woman  is  at  your  place." 

"How  do  you  propose  to  do  it?" 

"By  coming  to  see." 

"You'll  be  welcome,"  said  the  other  grimly. 
"By  the  way,  here's  a  map."  He  made  a  quick 
sketch  on  the  back  of  an  envelope.  "I'll  be 
there  at  work  most  of  to-morrow.  Au  revoir." 
He  rose  and  started  down  the  hill.  "Better 
keep  to  yourself  this  evening,"  he  warned. 
"Take  a  dilute  carbolic  bath.  You'll  be  all 
right,  I  think." 

209 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Slowly  and  thoughtfully  the  Southerner  made 
his  way  back  to  the  hotel.  After  dining  in  his 
own  room,  he  found  time  heavy  on  his  hands; 
so,  dispatching  a  note  of  excuse  to  Miss 
Brewster  on  the  plea  of  personal  business,  he 
slipped  out  into  the  city.  Wandering  idly 
toward  the  hills,  he  presently  found  himself  in 
a  familiar  street,  and,  impelled  by  human  curi- 
osity, proceeded  to  turn  up  the  hill  and  stop 
opposite  the  blank  door. 

Here  he  was  puzzled.  To  go  in  and  inquire, 
even  if  he  cared  to  and  could  make  himself 
understood,  would  perhaps  involve  further  risk 
of  infection.  While  he  was  considering,  the  door 
slowly  opened,  and  the  leather-skinned  crone 
appeared.  Her  eyes  were  swollen.  In  her  hand 
she  carried  a  travesty  of  a  wreath,  done  in  whit- 
ish metal,  which  she  had  interwoven  with  her 
own  black  mantilla,  the  best  substitute  for 
crape  at  hand.  This  she  undertook  to  hang  on 
the  door. 

As  Carroll  crossed  to  address  her,  a  powerful, 
sullen-faced  man,  with  a  scarred  forehead  and 
the  insignia  of  some  official  status,  apparently 
civic,  on  his  coat,  emerged  from  a  doorway  and 

210 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

addressed  her  harshly.  She  raised  her  reddened 
eyes  to  him  and  seemed  to  be  pleading  for  per- 
mission to  set  up  the  little  tribute  to  her  dead. 
There  was  the  exchange  of  a  few  more  words. 
Then,  with  an  angry  exclamation,  the  official 
snatched  the  wreath  from  her.  Carroll's  hand 
fell  on  his  shoulder.  The  man  swung  and  saw  a 
stranger  of  barely  half  his  bulk,  who  addressed 
him  in  what  seemed  to  be  politely  remonstrant 
tones.  He  shook  himself  loose  and  threw  the 
wreath  in  the  crone's  face.  Then  he  went  down 
like  a  log  under  the  impact  of  a  swinging  blow 
behind  the  ear.  With  a  roar  he  leaped  up  and 
rushed.  The  foreigner  met  him  with  right  and 
left,  and  this  time  he  lay  still. 

Hanging  the  tragically  unsightly  wreath  on 
the  door,  through  which  the  terrified  mourner 
had  vanished,  Carroll  returned  to  the  Gran  Ho- 
tel Kast,  his  perturbed  and  confused  thoughts 
and  emotions  notably  relieved  by  that  one  com- 
forting moment  of  action. 


X 

THE    FOLLY    OF    PERK 

OF  the  comprehensive  superiority  of  the 
American  Legation  over  the  Gran  Hotel 
Kast  there  could  be  no  shadow  of  a  doubt. 
From  the  moment  of  their  arrival  at  noon  of  the 
day  after  the  British  Minister's  warning,  the 
refugees  found  themselves  comfortable  and 
content,  Miss  Brews ter  having  quietly  and  tact- 
fully taken  over  the  management  of  internal 
aifairs  and  reigning,  at  Sherwen's  request,  as 
generalissima.  No  disturbance  had  marked  the 
transfer  to  their  new  abode.  In  fact,  so  wholly 
lacking  was  any  evidence  of  hostility  to  the  for- 
eigners on  the  part  of  the  crowds  on  the  streets 
that  the  Brewsters  rather  felt  themselves  to  be 
extorting  hospitality  on  false  pretenses.  Sher- 
wen,  however,  exhibited  signal  relief  upon  see- 
ing them  safely  housed. 

"Please  stay  that  way,  too,"  he  requested. 

"But  it  seems  so  unnecessary,  and  I  want  to 
market,"  protested  Miss  Polly. 

"By  no  means!  The  market  is  the  last  place 
212 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

where  any  of  us  should  be  seen.   It  is  in  that 
section  that  Urgante  has  been  doing  his  work." 

"Who  is  he?" 

"A  wandering  demagogue  and  cheap  politi- 
cian. Abuse  of  the  *  Yankis '  is  his  stock  in  trade. 
Somebody  has  been  furnishing  him  money  lately. 
That's  the  sole  fuel  to  his  fires  of  oratory." 

"Bet  the  bills  smelled  of  sauerkraut  when 
they  reached  him,"  grunted  ClufT,  striding  over 
to  the  window  of  the  drawing-room,  where  the 
informal  conference  was  being  held. 

"They  may  have  had  a  Hochwaldian  origin," 
admitted  Sherwen.  "But  it  would  be  difficult 
to  prove." 

"At  least  the  Hochwald  Legation  would  n't 
shed  any  tears  over  a  demonstration  against 
us,"  said  Carroll. 

"Well  within  the  limits  of  diplomatic  truth," 
smiled  the  American  official. 

"Pooh!"  Mr.  Brewster  puifed  the  whole 
matter  out  of  consideration.  "  I  don't  believe  a 
word  of  it.  Some  of  my  acquaintances  at  the 
club,  men  in  high  governmental  positions,  as- 
sure me  that  there  is  no  an ti- American  feeling 
here." 

213 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Very  likely  they  do.  Frankness  and  plain- 
speaking  being,  as  you  doubtless  know,  the  dis- 
tinguishing mark  of  the  Caracunan  statesman." 

The  sarcasm  was  not  lost  upon  Mr.  Brewster, 
but  it  failed  to  shake  his  skepticism. 

"There  are  some  business  matters  that  re- 
quire that  I  should  go  to  the  office  of  the  Ferro 
carril  del  Norte  this  afternoon,"  he  said. 

"  I  beg  that  you  do  nothing  of  the  sort, "  cried 
Sherwen  sharply. 

The  magnate  hesitated.  He  glanced  out  of 
the  window  and  along  the  street,  elose  bounded 
by  blank-walled  houses,  each  with  its  eyes 
closed  against  the  sun.  A  solitary  figure  strode 
rapidly  across  it. 

"There's  that  bug- hunting  fellow  again," 
said  Mr.  Brewster.  "He's  an  American,  I 
guess,  —  God  save  the  mark!  Nobody  seems 
to  be  interfering  with  him,  and  he's  freaky 
enough  looking  to  start  a  riot  on  Broadway." 

Further  comment  was  checked  by  the  voice 
of  the  scientist  at  the  door,  asking  to  see  Mr. 
Sherwen  at  once.  Miss  Polly  immediately 
slipped  out  of  the  room  to  the  patio 9  followed 
by  Carroll  and  Cluff. 

214 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"My  business,  probably,"  remarked  Mr. 
Brewster.  "I'll  just  stay  and  see."  And  he 
stayed. 

So  far  as  the  newcomer  was  concerned,  how- 
ever, he  might  as  well  not  have  been  there;  so 
he,  felt,  with  unwonted  injury.  The  scientist, 
disregarding  him  wholly,  shook  hands  with 
Sherwen. 

"Have  you  heard  from  Wisner  yet?" 

"Yes.  An  hour  ago." 

"What  was  his  message?" 

"All  right,  any  time  to-day." 

"Good !  Better  get  them  down  to-night,  then, 
so  they  can  start  to-morrow  morning." 

"Will  Stark  pass  them?" 

"Under  restrictions.    That's  all  been  seen 


to." 


At  this  point  it  appeared  to  Mr.  Brewster 
that  he  had  figured  as  a  cipher  quite  long 
enough. 

"Am  I  right  in  assuming  that  you  are  talking 
of  my  party's  departure?"  he  inquired. 

"Yes,"  said  Sherwen.  "The  Dutch  will  let 
you  through  the  blockade." 

"Then  my  cablegram  reached  the  proper 
215 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

parties  at  Washington,"  said  the  magnate,  with 
an  I-knew-it-would-be-that-way  air. 

"Thanks  to  Mr.  Perkins." 

"  Of  course,  of  course.  That  will  be  —  er  - 
suitably  attended  to  later." 

The  Unspeakable  Perk  turned  and  regarded 
him  fixedly;  but,  owing  to  the  goggles,  the  ex- 
pression was  indeterminable. 

"The  fact  is  it  would  be  more  convenient  for 
me  to  go  day  after  to-morrow  than  to-morrow." 

"Then  you'd  better  rent  a  house,"  was  the 
begoggled  one's  sharp  and  brief  advice. 

"Why  so?"  queried  the  great  man,  startled. 

"Because  if  you  don't  get  out  to-morrow, 
you  may  not  get  out  for  months." 

"As  I  understand  the  Dutch  permit,  it  spe- 
cifies after  to-day." 

"  It  is  n't  a  question  of  the  Dutch.  Caracuna 
City  goes  under  quarantine  to-night,  and 
Puerto  del  Norte  to-morrow,  as  soon  as  proper 
official  notification  can  be  given." 

"Then  plague  has  actually  been  found?" 

"Determined  by  bacteriological  test  this 
morning." 

"How  do  you  know?" 
216 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"I  was  present  at  the  finding." 

"Who  did  it?  Dr.  Pruyn?" 

The  other  nodded. 

Sherwen  whistled. 

"Better  make  ready  to  move,  Mr.  Brewster," 
he  advised.  "You  can't  get  out  of  port  after 
quarantine  is  on.  At  least,  you  could  n't  get 
into  any  other  port,  even  if  you  sailed,  because 
your  sailing-master  would  n't  have  clearance 
papers." 

The  magnate  smiled. 

"  I  hardly  think  that  any  United  States  Con- 
sul, with  a  due  regard  for  his  future,  would 
refuse  papers  to  the  yacht  Polly,"  he  observed. 

"Don't  be  a  fool!" 

Thatcher  Brewster  all  but  jumped  from  his 
chair.  That  this  adjuration  should  have  come 
from  the  freakish  spectacle-wearer  seemed  im- 
possible. Yet  Sherwen,  the  only  other  person 
in  the  room,  was  certainly  not  guilty. 

"Did  you  address  me,  young  man?" 

"I  did." 

"Do  you  know,  sir,  that  since  boyhood  no 
person  has  dared  or  would  dare  to  call  me  a 
fool?" 

217 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Well,  I  don't  want  to  set  a  fashion,"  said 
the  other  equably.  "I'm  only  advising  you 
not  to  be." 

"Keep  your  advice  until  it's  wanted." 

"  If  it  were  a  question  of  you  alone,  I  would. 
But  there  are  others  to  be  considered.  Now, 
listen,  Mr.  Brews ter:  Wisner  and  Stark  would 
n't  let  you  through  that  quarantine,  after  it's 
declared,  if  you  were  the  Secretary  himself.  A 
point  is  being  stretched  in  giving  you  this 
chance.  If  you'll  agree  to  ship  a  doctor, — 
Stark  will  find  you  one,  —  stay  out  for  six  full 
days  before  touching  anywhere,  and,  if  plague 
develops,  make  at  once  for  any  detention  sta- 
tion specified  by  the  doctor,  you  can  go.  Those 
are  Stark's  conditions." 

"Damnable  nonsense!"  declared  Mr.  Brew- 
ster,  jumping  to  his  feet,  quite  red  in  the  face. 

"Let  me  warn  you,  Mr.  Brewster,"  put  in 
Sherwen,  with  quiet  force,  "  that  you  are  taking 
a  most  unwise  course.  I  am  advised  that  Mr. 
Perkins  is  acting  under  instructions  from  our 
consulate." 

"You  say  that  Dr.  Pruyn  is  here.  I  want  to 
see  him  before  —  " 

218 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"  How  can  you  see  him  ?  Nobody  knows  where 
he  is  keeping  himself.  I  have  n't  seen  him  yet 
myself.  Now,  Mr.  Brewster,  just  sit  down  and 
talk  this  over  reasonably  with  Mr.  Perkins." 

"Oh,  no,"  said  the  third  conferee  positively; 
"  I  Ve  no  time  for  argument.  At  six  o'clock  I  '11 
be  back  here.  Unless  you  decide  by  then,  I'll 
telephone  the  consulate  that  the  whole  thing  is 
off." 

"Of  all  the  impudent,  conceited,  self-impor- 
tant young  whippersnappers!"  fumed  Mr. 
Brewster.  But  he  found  that  he  had  no  audi- 
ence, as  Sherwen  had  followed  the  scientist  out 
of  the  room. 

Before  the  afternoon  was  over,  the  American 
concessionnaire  had  come  to  realize  that  the 
situation  was  less  assured  than  he  had  thought. 
Twice  the  British  Minister  had  come,  and  there 
had  been  calls  from  the  representatives  of  sev- 
eral other  nationalities.  Von  Plaanden,  in  full 
uniform  and  girt  with  the  short  saber  that  is 
the  special  and  privileged  arm  of  the  crack  cav- 
alry regiment  to  which  he  belonged  at  home,  had 
dismounted  to  deliver  personally  a  huge  bouquet 
for  Miss  Brewster,  from  the  garden  of  the  Hoch- 

219 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

wald  Legation,  not  even  asking  to  see  the  girl, 
but  merely  leaving  the  flowers  as  a  further  ex- 
pression of  his  almost  daily  apology,  and  riding 
on  to  an  official  review  at  the  military  park. 

He  had  spoken  vaguely  to  Sherwen  of  a  rest- 
less condition  of  the  local  mind.  Reports,  it 
appeared,  had  been  set  afloat  among  the  popu- 
lace to  the  effect  that  an  American  sanitary 
officer  had  been  bribed  by  the  enemies  of  Cara- 
cuna  to  declare  plague  prevalent,  in  order  to 
close  the  ports  and  strangle  commerce.  Urgante 
was  going  about  the  lower  part  of  the  city  ha- 
ranguing on  street  corners  without  interference 
from  the  police.  In  the  arroyo  of  the  slaughter- 
house, two  American  employees  of  the  street- 
car company  had  been  stoned  and  beaten. 
Much  aguardiente  was  in  process  of  consump- 
tion, it  being  a  half-holiday  in  honor  of  some 
saint,  and  nobody  knew  what  trouble  might 
break  out. 

"Solas  are  rolling  around  like  balls  on  a  bil- 
liard table,"  said  young  Raiinonda,  who  had 
come  after  luncheon  to  call  on  Miss  Brews ter. 
"  In  this  part  of  the  city  there  will  be  nothing. 
You  need  n't  be  alarmed." 

220 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Pm  not  afraid,"  said  Miss  Polly. 

"I'm  sure  of  it,"  declared  the  Caracunan, 
with  admiration.  "You  are  very  wonderful, 
you  American  women." 

"Oh,  no.  It's  only  that  we  love  excitement," 
she  laughed. 

"Ah,  that  is  all  very  well,  for  a  bull-fight  or 
'la  boxe.9  But  for  one  of  our  street  emeutes- — 
no;  too  much!" 

They  were  seated  on  the  roof  of  the  half- 
story  of  the  house,  which  had  been  made  into  a 
trellised  porch  overlooking  the  patio  in  the  rear 
and  the  street  in  front,  an  architectural  wonder 
in  that  city  of  dead  walls  flush  with  the  side- 
walk line  all  the  way  up.  Leaning  over  the  rail,, 
the  visitor  pointed  through  the  leaves  of  a  small 
gallito  tree  to  a  broad-fronted  building  almost 
opposite. 

"That  is  my  club.  You  have  other  friends 
there  who  would  do  anything  for  you,  as  I 
would,  so  gladly,"  he  added  wistfully.  "Will 
you  honor  me  by  accepting  this  little  whistle? 
It  is  my  hunting-whistle.  And  if  there  should 
be  anything  —  but  I  think  there  will  not  —  you 
will  blow  it,  and  there  will  be  plenty  to  answer. 

221 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

If  not,  you  will  keep  it,  please,  to  remember  one 
who  will  not  forget  you." 

Handsome  and  elegant  and  courtly  he  was,  a 
true  chevalier  of  adventurous  pioneering  stock, 
sprung  from  the  old  proud  Spanish  blood,  but 
there  stole  behind  the  girl's  vision,  as  she  bade 
him  farewell,  the  undesired  phantasm  of  a  very 
different  face,  weary  and  lined  and  lighted  by 
steadfast  gray  eyes  —  eyes  that  looked  truthful 
and  belonged  to  a  liar!  Miss  Polly  Brewster  re- 
sumed her  final  packing  in  a  fume  of  rage  at 
herself. 

All  hands  among  the  visitors  passed  the  after- 
noon dully.  Mr.  Brewster,  who  had  finally 
yielded  to  persuasion  and  decided  not  to  ven- 
ture out,  though  still  deriding  the  restriction  as 
the  merest  nonsense,  was  in  a  mood  of  restless 
silence,  which  his  irrepressible  daughter  de- 
scribed to  Fitzhugh  Carroll  as  "the  superior 
sulks." 

Carroll  himself  kept  pretty  much  aloof.  He 
had  the  air  of  a  man  who  wrestles  with  a  prob- 
lem. Cluff  fussed  and  fretted  and  privately 
cursed  the  country  and  all  its  concessions.  Be- 
tween calls  and  the  telephone,  Sherwen  was 

222 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

kept  constantly  busy.  But  a  few  minutes  be- 
fore six,  central,  in  the  blandest  Spanish,  re- 
gretted to  inform  him  that  Puerto  del  Norte  was 
cut  off.  When  would  service  be  resumed? 
Quien  sabe?  It  was  an  order.  Hasta  manana. 
To-morrow,  perhaps.  Smoothing  a  furrow  from 
his  brow,  the  sight  of  which  would  have  done 
nobody  any  good,  he  suggested  that  they  all 
gather  on  the  roof  porch  for  a  swizzle.  The  sug- 
gestion was  hailed  with  enthusiasm. 

Thus,  when  the  Unspeakable  Perk  came  hus- 
tling down  the  street  some  minutes  earlier  than 
the  appointed  time,  he  was  hailed  in  Sherwen's 
voice,  and  bidden  to  come  directly  up.  No  time, 
on  this  occasion,  for  Miss  Polly  to  escape.  She 
decided  in  one  breath  to  ignore  the  man  entirely; 
in  the  next  to  bow  coldly  and  walk  out;  in  the 
next  to  —  He  was  there  before  the  latest  wa- 
vering decision  could  be  formulated. 

"Better  all  get  inside,"  he  said  a  little  breath- 
lessly. "There  may  be  trouble." 

Cluff  brightened  perceptibly. 

"What  kind  of  trouble?" 

"Urgante  is  leading  a  mob  up  this  way. 
They're  turning  the  corner  now." 

223 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"  I  'm  going  to  wait  and  see  them,"  cried  Miss 
Polly,  with  decision. 

"Bend  over,  then,  all  of  you,"  ordered  Sherwen. 

"The  vines  will  cover  you  if  you  keep  down." 

Around  the  corner,  up  the  hill  from  where 
they  were,  streamed  a  rabble  of  boys,  leaping 
and  whooping,  and  after  them  a  more  compact 
crowd  of  men,  shoeless,  centering  on  a  tall, 
broad,  heavy-mustached  fellow  who  bore  on  a 
short  staff  the  Stars  and  Stripes. 

"Where  on  earth  did  he  get  that?"  cried 
Sherwen. 

"Looted  the  Bazaar  Americana,"  replied 
Perkins. 

"That's  Urgante,"  growled  Cluff;  "that 
devil  with  the  flag." 

"But  he  seems  to  be  eulogizing  it,"  cried  the 
girl. 

The  orator  had  set  down  his  bright  burden, 
wedging  it  in  the  iron  guard  railing  of  a  tree, 
and  was  now  apostrophizing  it  with  extravagant 
bows  and  honeyed  accents  in  which  there  was 
an  undertone  of  hiss.  For  confirmation,  Miss 
Polly  turned  to  the  others.  The  first  face  her 
eyes  fell  on  was  that  of  the  ball-player.  Every 

224 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

muscle  in  it  was  drawn,  and  from  the  tightened 
lips  streamed  such  whispered  curses  as  the  girl 
never  before  had  heard.  Next  him  stood  the 
hermit,  solid  and  still,  but  with  a  queer  spread- 
ing pallor  under  his  tan.  In  front  of  them  Sher- 
wen  was  crouched,  scowlingly  alert.  The  ex- 
pression of  Mr.  Brewster  and  Carroll,  neither  of 
whom  understood  Spanish,  betokened  watchful 
puzzlement. 

Enlightenment  burst  upon  them  the  next 
minute.  From  the  motley  crowd  below  rose  a 
snarl  of  laughter  and  savage  jeering,  the  object 
of  which  was  unmistakable. 

"By  G — d!"  cried  Mr.  Brewster,  straighten- 
ing up  and  grasping  the  railing.  "They're  in- 
sulting the  flag!" 

"Pve  left  my  pistol!"  muttered  Carroll, 
white-lipped.  "I've  left  my  pistol!" 

Polly  Brewster's  hand  flew  to  her  belt. 

She  drew  out  the  automatic  and  held  it  to- 
ward the  Southerner.  But  it  was  not  Carroll's 
hand  that  met  hers;  it  was  the  Unspeakable 
Perk's. 

"No,"  said  he,  and  he  flung  the  weapon  back 
of  him  into  the  patio. 

225 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Oh!  Oh!"  cried  the  girl.  "You  unspeak- 
able coward!" 

Carroll  jumped  forward,  but  Sherwen  was 
equally  quick.  He  interposed  his  slight  frame. 

"Perkins  is  right,"  he  said  decisively.  "No 
shooting.  It  would  be  worth  the  life  of  every 
one  here.  We've  got  to  stand  it.  But  somebody 
is  going  to  sweat  blood  for  this  day's  work!" 

The  instinct  of  discipline,  characteristic  of 
the  professional  athlete,  brought  Cluff  to  his 
support. 

"What  Mr.  Sherwen  says,  goes,"  he  said, 
almost  choking  on  the  words.  "We've  got  to 
stand  it." 

In  the  breast  of  Miss  Polly  Brewster  was  no 
response  to  this  spirit.  She  was  lawless  with  the 
lawlessness  of  unconquered  youth  and  beauty. 

"Oh!"  she  breathed.  "If  I  had  my  pistol 
back,  I'd  shoot  that  beast  myself!" 

The  scientist  turned  his  goggles  hesitantly 
upon  her. 

"Miss  Brewster,"  he  began,  "please  don't 
think—" 

"Don't  speak  to  me!"  she  cried. 

Another  clamor  of  derision  sounded  from  the 
226 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

street  as  Urgante  resumed  the  standard  of  his 
mockery  and  led  his  rabble  forward.  Behind 
the  dull-colored  mass  appeared  a  spot  of  splen- 
dor. It  was  Von  Plaanden,  gorgeous  in  his  full 
regalia,  who  had  turned  the  corner,  returning 
from  the  public  reception.  Well  back  of  the 
mob,  he  pulled  his  horse  up,  and  sat  watching. 
The  coincidence  was  unfortunate.  It  seemed  to 
justify  Sherwen's  bitter  words :  — 

"  Come  to  visa  his  work.  There 's  the  Hoch- 
waldian  for  you!" 

Forward  danced  and  reeled  the  "Yanki" 
baiters  below,  until  they  were  under  the  balcony 
where  the  little  group  of  Americans  sheltered 
and  raged  silently.  There  the  orator  again 
spewed  forth  his  contempt  upon  the  alien  ban- 
ner, and  again  the  ranks  behind  him  shrieked 
their  approval  of  the  affront.  Miss  Polly 
Brews ter,  American  of  Americans,  whose  great- 
grandfathers had  fought  with  Herkimer  and 
Steuben,  —  themselves  the  sons  of  women  who 
had  stood  by  the  loopholes  of  log  houses  and 
caught  up  the  rifles  of  their  fallen  pioneer  hus- 
bands, wherewith  to  return  the  fire  of  the  be- 
sieging Mohawks,  —  ran  forward  to  the  railing, 

227 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

snatching  her  skirt  from  the  detaining  grasp  of 
her  father.  In  the  corner  stood  a  huge  bowl  of 
roses.  Gathering  both  hands  full,  she  leaned 
forward  and  flung  them,  so  that  they  fell  in  a 
shower  of  loveliness  upon  the  insulted  flag  of 
her  nation. 

For  an  instant  silence  fell  upon  the  "great 
unwashed"  below.  Out  of  it  swelled  a  mutter- 
ing as  the  leader  made  a  low,  mocking  obeisance 
to  the  girl,  following  it  with  a  word  that  brought 
a  jubilant  yelp  from  his  adherents.  Stooping, 
he  ladled  up  in  his  cupped  hand  a  quantity  of 
gutter  filth.  Where  the  flowers  had  but  a  mo- 
ment before  fluttered  in  the  folds,  he  splotched 
it,  smearing  star,  bar,  and  blue  with  its  black- 
ness. At  the  sight,  the  girl  burst  into  helpless 
tears,  and  so  stood  weeping,  openly,  bitterly, 
and  unashamed. 

No  brain  is  so  well  ordered,  no  emotion  so 
thoroughly  controlled,  but  that  under  sudden 
pressure  —  click !  —  the  mechanism  slips  a  cog 
and  runs  amuck.  Just  that  thing  happened  in- 
side the  Unspeakable  Perk's  smooth-running, 
scientific  brain  upon  incitement  of  his  flag's 
desecration  and  his  lady's  grief.  To  her  it 

228 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

seemed  that  he  shot  past  her  horizontally  like  a 
human  dart.  The  next  second  he  was  over  the 
railing,  had  swung  from  a  branch  of  the  neigh- 
boring tree  to  the  trunk,  and  leaped  to  the 
ground,  all  in  one  movement  of  superhuman 
agility.  To  the  mob  his  exploit  was  apparently 
without  immediate  significance.  Perhaps  they 
did  n't  notice  the  descent;  or  perhaps  those  few 
who  saw  were  so  astonished  at  the  apparition 
of  a  chunky  tree-man  with  protuberant  eyes 
scrambling  down  upon  them  in  the  manner  of 
an  ape,  that  they  failed  to  appreciate  what  it 
might  portend  of  trouble. 

The  hermit  landed  solidly  on  his  feet  a  few 
yards  from  Urgante,  the  flag  bearer.  With  a 
berserker  yell,  he  rushed.  Taken  by  surprise, 
the  assailed  one  still  had  time  to  lift  the  heavy 
staff.  As  quickly,  the  American  lowered  his 
head  and  dove.  It  may  not  have  been  magnifi- 
cent; it  certainly  was  not  war  by  the  rules;  but  it 
was  eminently  effective.  To  say  that  the  leader 
went  down  would  be  absurdly  inadequate.  He 
simply  crumpled.  Over  and  over  he  rolled  on 
the  cobbles,  while  the  smirched  flag  flew  clear 
of  his  grasp,  and  fell  on  the  farther  sidewalk. 

229 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Wow!"  yelled  Cluff,  leaping  into  the  air. 
"Football!  That  cost  him  a  couple  of  ribs. 
Hey,  Rube!" 

And  he  rushed  for  the  stairs,  followed  by 
Carroll,  Sherwen,  and,  only  one  jump  behind, 
Mr.  Thatcher  Brewster,  cursing  in  a  manner 
that  did  credit  to  his  patriotism,  but  would  have 
added  no  luster  to  his  record  as  an  elder  of  the 
Pioneer  Presbyterian  Church,  of  Utica,  New 
York. 

Meantime,  the  Unspeakable  Perk,  having 
rolled  free  of  the  fallen  enemy,  staggered  to  his 
feet  and  caught  up  the  flag.  Stunned  surprise 
on  the  part  of  the  crowd  gave  him  an  instant's 
time.  He  edged  along  the  curb,  hoping  to  gain 
the  legation  door  by  a  rush.  But  the  foe  threw 
out  a  wing,  cutting  him  off.  Several  eager  fol- 
lowers had  lifted  Urgante,  whose  groans  and 
curses  suggested  a  sound  basis  for  duff's  diag- 
nosis. Himself  quite  hors  de  combat,  he  spat  at 
the  Unspeakable  Perk,  and  cried  upon  his 
henchmen  to  kill  the  "Yanki."  It  seemed  not 
improbable  to  the  latter  that  they  would  do  it. 
Perkins  set  his  back  to  the  wall,  twirled  the  flag 
folds  tight  around  the  pole,  reversed  and  clubbed 

230 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

the  staff,  and  prepared  to  make  any  attempt  at 
killing  as  uncomfortable  and  unprofitable  as 
possible.  The  rabble,  by  no  means  favorably 
impressed  by  these  businesslike  proceedings, 
stood  back,  growling. 

A  hand  flew  up  above  the  crowd.  The  Un- 
speakable Perk  ducked  sharply  and  just  in 
time,  as  a  knife  struck  the  wall  above  him  and 
clattered  to  the  pavement.  Instantly  he  caught 
it  up,  but  the  blade  had  snapped  off  short.  As 
he  stooped,  one  bold  spirit  rushed  in.  Perkins 
met  him  with  a  straight  lance-thrust  of  the 
staff,  which  sent  him  reeling  and  shrieking  with 
pain  back  to  his  fellows.  But  now  another  knife, 
and  another,  struck  and  fell  from  the  wall  at 
his  back;  badly  aimed  both,  but  presumably 
the  forerunners  of  missiles,  some  of  which  would 
show  better  marksmanship.  The  assailed  man 
cast  a  swift,  desperate  look  about  him;  the 
crowd  closed  in  a  little.  Obviously  he  must 
keep  "eyes  front." 

"To  your  left!  To  your  left!"  The  voice 
came  to  him  clear  and  sweet  above  the  swelling 
growl  of  the  rabble.  "The  doorway!  Get  into 
the  doorway,  Mr.  Beetle  Man." 

231 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

A  few  paces  away,  how  far  Perkins  could 
only  guess,  was  the  entrance  to  the  house.  He 
surmised  that,  like  many  of  the  better-class 
houses,  it  had  a  small  set-in  door,  at  right 
angles  to  the  main  entrance,  that  would  serve 
as  a  shallow  shelter.  Without  raising  his  eyes, 
he  nodded  comprehension,  and  began  to  edge 
along  the  wall,  swinging  his  stout  weapon.  As 
he  went,  he  wondered  what  was  keeping  the 
others.  At  that  moment  the  others  were  franti- 
cally wrestling  with  the  all-too-adequate  bars 
with  which  Sherwen  had  reinforced  the  wide 
door. 

Perkins,  feeling  with  a  cautious  heel,  found 
himself  opposite  the  entry  indicated  by  the 
voice.  Turning,  he  darted  into  the  narrow  em- 
brasure. Here  he  was  comparatively  safe  from 
the  missiles  that  were  now  coming  from  all 
directions.  On  the  other  hand,  he  now  lacked 
room  to  swing  his  formidable  club.  The  peons, 
with  a  shout,  closed  in  to  arm's  length.  Alone 
on  her  balcony,  the  girl  turned  her  head  away 
and  cried  aloud,  hopelessly,  for  help.  She 
wanted  to  close  her  ears  against  the  bestial 
shouts  of  a  mob  trampling  to  death  a  defense- 

232 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

less  man,  but  her  arms  were  of  lead.  She  lis- 
tened and  shivered. 

Instead  of  the  sound  that  she  dreaded,  there 
came  the  ringing  of  hoofs  on  stones,  followed 
by  yells  of  alarm.  She  opened  her  eyes,  to  see 
Von  Plaanden,  bent  forward  in  his  saddle  at  the 
exact  angle  proper  to  the  charge,  urging  his 
great  horse  down  upon  the  mass  of  people  as 
ruthlessly  as  if  they  had  been  so  many  insects. 
Through  the  circle  he  broke,  swinging  his  mount 
around  beside  the  shallow  doorway  before 
which  three  Caracunans  already  lay  sprawled, 
attesting  the  vigor  of  the  defender's  final  resist- 
ance. Back  of  the  horseman  lay  half  a  dozen 
other  figures.  The  Hochwaldian  jerked  out  his 
sword  and  stood,  a  splendid  spectacle.  Very 
possibly  he  was  not  wholly  unmindful  of  his 
own  pictorial  quality  or  of  the  lovely  American 
witness  thereto. 

His  intervention  gave  a  few  seconds'  respite, 
one  of  those  checks  that  save  battles  and  make 
history.  Now,  in  the  further  making  of  this 
particular  history,  sounded  a  lusty  whoop  from 
the  opposite  direction;  such  a  battle  slogan  as 
only  the  Anglo-Saxon  gives.  It  emanated  from 

233 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Galpy,  the  bounder,  bounding  now,  indeed,  at 
full  speed  up  the  slope,  followed  by  two  of  his 
fellow  railroad  men,  flannel-clad  and  still  per- 
spiring from  their  afternoon's  cricket.  Against 
bare  legs  a  cricket  bat  is  a  highly  dissuasive 
argument.  The  Britons  swung  low  and  hard 
for  the  ancient  right  of  the  breed  to  break  into 
a  row  wherever  white  men  are  in  the  minority 
against  other  races.  The  downhill  wing  of  the 
mob  being  much  the  weakest,  opened  up  for 
them  with  little  resistance,  leaving  them  a  free 
path  to  the  cavalryman,  to  whose  side  Perkins, 
with  staff  ready  brandished,  had  advanced  from 
his  shelter. 

"Wot's  the  merry  game?"  inquired  the  cock- 
ney cheerfully. 

Before  them  the  crowd  swayed  and  parted, 
and  there  appeared,  lifted  by  many  arms,  a 
figure  with  a  dead-white  face  streaked  with 
blood,  running  from  a  great  gash  in  the 
scalp. 

"He  went  down  in  front  of  my  horse,"  ex- 
plained the  Hochwald  secretary  coolly. 

At  the  sight,  there  rose  from  the  crowd  a 
wailing  cry,  qy  ite  different  from  its  former  voice. 

234 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Galpy's  teeth  set  and  his  cricket  bat  went  up 
in  the  air. 

"There'll  be  killing  for  this,"  he  said.  "I 
know  these  blightehs.  That  yell  means  blood. 
We  must  make  a  bolt  for  it.  Is  this  all  there  is 
of  us?" 

At  the  moment  of  his  asking,  it  was.  One 
half  a  second  later,  it  was  n't,  as  the  last  of  the 
legation's  stubborn  bars  yielded,  the  door  burst 
open,  and  the  four  Americans  tumbled  out  at 
the  charge,  Cluff  yelling  insanely,  Carroll  in 
deadly  quiet,  Sherwen  alertly  scanning  the 
adversaries  for  identifiable  faces,  and  Elder 
Brewster  still  imperiling  his  soul  by  the  fervor 
of  his  language.  Each  was  armed  with  such 
casual  weapons  as  he  had  been  able  to  catch  up. 
Carroll,  a  leap  in  advance  of  the  rest,  encoun- 
tered an  Indian  drover,  half-dodged  a  swinging 
blow  from  his  whip,  and  sent  him  down  with  a 
broken  shoulder  from  a  chop  with  a  baseball 
club  that  he  had  found  in  the  haiiway.  A  bull- 
like  charge  had  carried  Cluff  deep  among  the 
Caracuiians,  where  he  encountered  a  huge  peon, 
whom  he  seized  and  flung  bodily  over  the 
iron  guard  of  a  samon  tree,  where  the  man  hung, 

235 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

yelling  dismally.  Two  other  peons,  who  had 
seized  the  athlete  around  the  knees,  were  all 
but  brained  by  a  stoneware  gin  bottle  in  the 
hands  of  Sherwen.  Meanwhile,  Mr.  Brewster 
was  performing  prodigies  with  a  niblick  which 
he  had  extracted,  at  full  run,  from  a  bag  oppor- 
tunely resting  against  the  hat-rack.  Almost 
before  they  knew  it,  the  rescue  party  had 
broken  the  intercepting  wing  of  the  mob,  and 
had  joined  the  others. 

Cluff  threw  a  gorilla-like  arm  across  the  Un- 
speakable Perk's  shoulder. 

"Hurt,  boy?"  he  cried  anxiously. 

"No,  I'm  all  right.  Who's  left  with  Miss 
Brewster?" 

"Nobody.  We  must  get  back." 

Sherwen's  cool  voice  cut  in :  — 

"Close  together,  now.  Keep  well  up.  Herr 
von  Plaanden,  will  you  cover  us  at  the  end?" 

"It  is  the  post  of  honor,"  said  the  Hoch- 
waldian. 

"You  Ve  earned  it.  But  for  you,  they'd  have 
got  our  colors." 

The  foreigner  bowed,  and  swung  his  horse 
toward  a  Caracuiian  who  had  pressed  forward 

236 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

a  little  too  near.  But,  for  the  moment  the  fight 
had  oozed  out  of  the  mob. 

Without  mishap  the  group  got  across  the 
street,  Perkins  still  clinging  to  the  flag. 

Suddenly,  from  the  rear  rank,  came  a  shower 
of  stones,  followed  by  the  final  rush.  Galpy  and 
Perkins  went  down.  Von  Plaanden  tottered  in 
his  saddle,  but  quickly  recovered.  Instantly 
Perkins  was  up  again,  the  blood  streaming  from 
the  side  of  his  head.  He  was  conscious  of  brown 
hands  clutching  at  the  cricketer,  to  drag  him 
away.  He  himself  seized  the  cockney's  legs  and 
braced  for  that  absurd  and  deadly  tug  of  war. 
Then  Von  Plaanden's  saber  descended,  and  he 
was  able  to  haul  Galpy  back  into  safety. 

The  situation  was  desperate  now.  Mr. 
Brewster  was  pinned  against  the  wall  and  dis- 
armed, but  still  fighting  with  fist  and  foot.  Half 
a  dozen  peons  were  struggling  with  Cluff  across 
the  bodies  of  as  many  more  whom  he  had 
knocked  down.  Sherwen,  almost  under  the 
cavalryman's  mount,  was  protecting  his  rear 
with  the  fallen  Galpy's  cricket  bat,  and  the  two 
other  cricketers  were  fighting  back  to  back  on 
the  other  side.  Carroll  was  clubbing  his  way 

237 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

toward  Mr.  Brews  ter,  but  his  weapon  was  now 
in  his  left  hand.  Matters  looked  dark  indeed, 
when  there  shrilled  fiercely  from  above  them 
the  whirring  peal  of  a  silver  whistle. 

Polly  Brewster  had  remembered  Raimonda. 
It  seemed  a  futile  signal,  for  as  she  ran  to  the 
railing  and  gazed  across  at  the  Club  Amicitia, 
she  saw  all  its  windows  and  doors  tight  closed, 
as  befits  an  aristocratic  club  that  has  no  con- 
cern with  the  affairs  of  the  rabble.  But  there  is 
no  way  of  closing  a  patio  from  the  top,  and 
sounds  can  enter  readily  that  way,  when  all 
other  apertures  are  shut.  Long  and  loud  Miss 
Polly  blew  the  signal  on  the  silver  hunting- 
whistle. 

In  the  club  patio,  Raimonda  was  chafing  and 
wondering,  and  a  score  of  his  friends  were  drink- 
ing and  waiting.  That  signal  released  their 
activities  and  terminated  the  battle  of  the 
American  Legation  most  ingloriously  for  the 
forces  of  Urgante.  For  the  gilded  youth  of  Cara- 
cufia  bears  a  heavy  cane  of  fashion,  and  carries 
a  ready  revolver,  also,  although  not  so  admit- 
tedly as  a  matter  of  fashion.  Furthermore,  he 
has  a  profound  contempt  for  the  peon  class;  a 

238 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

contempt  extending  to  life  and  limb.  There- 
fore, when  some  two  dozen  young  patricians 
sallied  abruptly  forth  with  their  canes,  and  the 
mob  caught  sight,  here  and  there,  of  a  glint  of 
nickel  against  the  black,  it  gave  back  promptly. 
Some  desultory  stones  rattled  against  the  walls. 
There  were  answering  reports  a  few,  and  sun- 
dry yells  of  pain.  The  army  of  Urgante  broke 
and  fled  down  the  side  streets,  leaving  behind 
its  broken  and  its  wounded.  Most  of  the  bullet 
casualties  were  below  the  knee.  The  Caracu- 
nan  aristocrat  always  fires  low — the  first  time. 
Shortly  thereafter,  Miss  Polly  Brewster  ap- 
peared upon  the  balcony  of  the  American  Lega- 
tion, and  performed  an  illegal  act.  Upon  a  day 
not  designated  as  a  Caracufian  national  holiday, 
she  raised  the  flag  of  an  alien  nation  and  fixed 
it,  and  the  gilded  youth  of  Caracuna  in  the 
street  below  cheered,  not  the  flag,  which  would 
have  been  unpatriotic,  but  the  flag-raiser,  which 
was  but  gallant,  until  they  were  hoarse  and 
parched  of  throat. 


XI 

PRESTO    CHANGE! 

AFTER  the  battle,  Miss  Brewster  reviewed 
her  troops,  and  took  stock  of  casualties, 
in  the  patio.  None  of  the  allied  forces  had 
come  off  scatheless.  Galpy,  whose  injuries  had 
at  first  seemed  the  most  severe,  responded  to 
a  stiff  dose  of  brandy.  A  cut  across  the  scien- 
tist's head  had  been  hastily  bandaged  in  a 
towel,  giving  him,  as  he  observed,  the  appear- 
ance of  a  dissipated  Hindu.  To  Von  Plaanden's 
indignant  disgust,  his  military  splendor  was 
seriously  impaired  by  a  huge  "hickey"  over  his 
left  eye,  the  memento  of  a  well-aimed  rock. 
Cluff  had  broken  a  finger  and  sprained  his 
wrist.  Mr.  Brewster  was  anxious  to  know  if 
any  one  had  seen  two  teeth  of  his  on  the  pave- 
ment or  whether  he  was  to  look  for  later  diges- 
tive indications  of  their  whereabouts.  Both  of 
the  young  cricketers  had  been  battered  and 
bruised,  though  it  was  nothing,  they  gleefully 
averred,  to  what  they  had  meted  out.  And  Car- 
roll had  a  nasty-looking  knife-thrust  in  his 
shoulder. 

240 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

All  of  them  were  disheveled,  dilapidated,  and 
grimy  to  the  last  degree,  except  the  Hochwald- 
ian,  who  still  sat  his  horse,  which  he  had  rid- 
den into  the  patio.  But  Miss  Polly  said  to  her- 
self, with  a  thrill  of  pride,  that  no  woman  need 
wish  a  more  gallant  and  devoted  band  of  de- 
fenders. Leaning  over  them  from  the  inner  rail- 
ing of  the  balcony,  she  surveyed  them  with 
sparkling  eyes. 

"  It  was  magnificent ! "  she  cried.  "  Oh,  I  'm  so 
proud  of  you  all!  I  could  hug  you,  every  one!" 

"Better  come  down  from  there,  Polly,"  said 
her  father  anxiously.  "Some  of  those  ruffians 
might  come  back." 

"NottQ-day,"  said  Sherwen  grimly.  "They've 
had  enough." 

"That  is  correct,"  confirmed  Von  Plaanden. 
"Nevertheless,  there  may  be  disorder  later. 
Would  it  not  be  better  that  you  go  to  the  Brit- 
ish Legation,  Fraulein?" 

"  Not  I ! "  she  returned.  "  I  stay  by  my  colors. 
And  now  I'm  going  to  disband  my  army." 

Stretching  out  her  hand  to  a  vase  near  her, 
she  drew  out  a  rose  of  deepest  red  and  held  it 
above  Von  Plaanden. 

241 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"The  color  of  my  country,"  said  Von  Plaan- 
den  gravely.  "May  I  take  it  for  a  sign  that  I 
am  forgiven?" 

"Fully,  freely,  and  gladly,"  said  the  girl. 
"You  have  put  a  debt  upon  us  all  that  I  —  that 
we  can  never  repay." 

"It  is  I  who  pay.  You  will  not  think  of  me 
too  hardly,  for  my  one  breach?" 

"I  shall  think  of  you  as  a  hero,"  said  the 
girl  impetuously.  "And  I  shall  never  forget. 
Catch,  O  knight." 

The  rose  fell,  and  was  caught.  Von  Plaanden 
bowed  low  over  it.  Then  he  straightened  to  the 
military  salute,  and  so  rode  out  of  the  door  and 
out  of  the  girl's  life. 

"Men  are  strange  creatures,"  mused  the 
philosopher  of  twenty.  "You  think  they  are 
perfectly  horrid,  and  suddenly  they  show  their 
other  side  to  you,  and  you  think  they  are  per- 
fectly splendid.  I  wish  I  knew  a  little  more 
about  real  people." 

She  confessed  to  no  more  specific  thought, 
but  as  she  descended  the  stairs  to  bid  farewell 
to  the  blushing  and  deprecatory  Britons,  she 
was  eager  to  have  it  over  with,  and  to  come  to 

242 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

speech  with  her  beetle  man,  who  had  so  strangely 
flamed  into  action.  The  Unspeakable  Perk!  As 
the  name  formed  on  her  lips,  she  smiled  ten- 
derly. With  sad  lack  of  logic,  she  was  ready  to 
discard  every  suspicion  of  him  that  she  had 
harbored,  merely  on  the  strength  of  his  reckless 
outbreak  of  patriotism.  She  looked  about  the 
patio,  but  he  was  not  there.  Sherwen  came 
out  of  a  side  door,  his  face  puckered  with 
anxiety. 

"Where  is  Mr.  Perkins?"  she  asked. 

"In  there."  He  nodded  back  over  his  shoul- 
der. "Your  father  is  with  him.  Perhaps  you'd 
better  go  in." 

With  a  chill  at  her  heart,  Polly  entered  the 
room,  where  Mr.  Brewster  bent  a  troubled  face 
over  a  head  swathed  in  reddened  bandages. 

Very  crumpled  and  limp  looked  the  Un- 
speakable Perk,  bunched  humpily  upon  the 
little  sofa.  His  goggles  had  fallen  off,  and  lay 
on  the  floor  beside  him,  contriving  somehow  to 
look  momentously  solemn  and  important  all  by 
themselves.  His  face  was  turned  half  away, 
and,  as  Polly's  gaze  fell  upon  it,  she  felt  again 
that  queer  catch  at  her  heart. 

243 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Would  n't  know  it  was  the  same  chap, 
would  you?"  whispered  Mr.  Brewster. 

The  girl  picked  up  the  grotesque  spectacles, 
cradling  them  for  an  instant  in  her  hands  before 
she  put  them  aside  and  leaned  over  the  quiet 
form. 

"Came  staggering  in,  and  just  collapsed 
down  there,"  continued  her  father  huskily. 
"Lord,  I  would  n't  lose  that  boy  after  this  for  a 
million  dollars!" 

"Why  do  you  talk  that  way?"  she  demanded 
sharply.  "What  has  happened?  Did  he  faint?" 

"Just  collapsed.  When  I  tried  to  rouse  him, 
he  kicked  me  in  the  chest,"  replied  the  magnate, 
with  somber  seriousness. 

"Oh,  you  goose  of  a  dad ! "  There  was  a  trem- 
ulous note  in  Polly's  low  laughter.  "That's  all 
right,  then.  Can't  you  see  he's  dead  for  sleep, 
poor  beetle  man?" 

"Do  you  think  so?"  said  Mr.  Brewster, 
vastly  relieved.  "Had  n't  I  better  go  out  for  a 
doctor,  and  make  sure?" 

She  shook  her  head. 

"Let  him  rest.  Hand  me  that  pillow,  please, 
dad." 

244 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

With  soft  little  pushes  and  wedges  she  worked 
it  under  the  scientist's  head.  "What  a  dreadful 
botch  of  bandaging!  He  looks  so  pale!  I  won- 
der if  I  could  n't  get  those  cloths  off.  Lend  me 
your  knife,  dad." 

Gently  as  she  worked,  the  head  on  the  pillow 
began  to  sway,  and  the  lips  to  move. 

"Oh,  let  me  alone!"  they  muttered  queru- 
lously. 

The  eyes  opened.  The  Unspeakable  Perk 
gazed  up  into  the  faces  above  him,  but  saw 
only  one,  a  face  whose  tender  concern  softened 
it  to  a  loveliness  greater  even  than  when  he  had 
last  seen  it.  He  tried  to  rise,  but  the  hands  that 
pressed  him  back  were  firm  and  quick. 

"Lie  still!"  bade  their  owner. 

A  thin  film  of  color  mounted  to  his  cheeks. 

"I  —  I  —  beg  your  pardon,"  he  stammered. 
"  I  —  I  —  d-did  n't  know  — " 

"Don't  be  a  goose!"  she  adjured  him.  "It's 
only  me." 

"Yes,  that's  the  trouble."  He  closed  his  eyes 
again,  and  began  to  murmur. 

"What  does  he  say?"  asked  Mr.  Brewster, 
lowering  his  head  and  almost  falling  over  back- 

245 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

ward  as  his  astonished  ears  were  greeted  by  the 
slowly  intoned  rhythm: — 

"  Scarab,  tarantula,  doodle-bug,  flea." 

"  Delirious ! "  exclaimed  the  magnate.  "  Clean 
off  his  head !  How  does  one  find  a  doctor  in  this 
town?" 

"No  need,  dad,"  his  daughter  reassured  him. 
"It's  just  a  —  a  sort  of  game." 

"Game!  Did  you  hear  what  he  said?" 

"Well,  a  kind  of  password.  It 's  all  right, 
Dad.  It  is,  really." 

Still  undecided,  Mr.  Brewster  stared  at  the 
injured  man. 

"  I  don't  know  —  "  he  began,  when  the  eyes 
opened  again. 

"Feeling  better?"  inquired  Polly  briskly. 

"Yes.  The  charm  works  perfectly." 

"Anything  I  can  do,  or  get,  for  you,  my 
boy?"  inquired  Mr.  Brewster,  stepping  forward. 

"What's  in  the  ice-box?"  asked  the  other 
anxiously. 

"Oh!"  cried  the  girl  in  distress.  "He's  starv- 
ing! When  did  you  eat  last?" 

"  I  can't  exactly  remember.  It  was  about  five 
246 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

this  morning,  I  think.  A  banana,  and,  as  I  re- 
call it,  a  small  one." 

"Dad!"  cried  the  girl,  but  that  prompt 
and  efficient  gentleman  was  already  halfway 
to  the  cook,  dragging  Sherwen  along  as  inter- 
preter. 

"He'll  get  whatever  there  is  in  the  shortest 
known  time,"  the  girl  assured  her  patient. 
"Trust  dad.  Now,  you  lie  back  and  let  me  fix 
up  a  fresh  bandage." 

"You'd  have  made  a  great  trained  nurse," 
he  murmured,  as  she  adjusted  the  clean  strips 
that  Sherwen  had  sent  in.  "Don't  pin  my  ear 
down.  It's  got  to  help  hold  my  goggles  on." 

"The  dear  funny  goggles!"  Picking  them 
up,  she  patted  them  with  dainty  fingers,  before 
setting  them  aside.  He  watched  her  uneasily, 
much  in  the  manner  of  a  dog  whose  bone  has 
been  taken  away. 

"Do  you  mind  giving  them  back?"  he  said. 

"But  you're  not  going  to  wear  them  here," 
she  protested. 

"  I  Ve  got  so  used  to  them,"  he  explained 
apologetically,  "  that  I  don't  feel  really  dressed 
without  them." 

247 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

She  handed  them  back  and  he  adjusted 
them  to  the  bandages.  "For  the  present,  rest 
is  prescribed  you  know,"  said  she. 

"  Oh,  no ! "  he  declared.  "  As  soon  as  I  Ve  had 
something  to  eat,  I  '11  go.  There  are  a  hundred 
things  to  be  done.  Where  are  my  gloves?" 

"What  gloves?  Oh,  those  white  abomina- 
tions? Why  on  earth  do  you  wear  them?"  Her 
glance  fell  upon  his  right  hand,  which  lay  half- 
open  beside  him.  "Oh  —  oh  —  oh!"  she  cried 
in  a  rising  scale  of  distress.  "What  have  you 
done  to  your  hands?" 

He  reddened  perceptibly. 

"Nothing." 

"Nothing,  indeed!  Tell  me  at  once!" 

"I've  been  rowing." 

"Where  to?" 

"Oh,  out  to  a  ship." 

"There  are  n't  any  ships,  except  the  Dutch 
warship.  Was  it  to  her?" 

"Yes." 

"To  carry  our  message  —  my  message?" 

He  squirmed. 

"I'm  awfully  sleepy,"  he  protested.  "It 
is  n't  fair  to  cross-examine  a  witness — " 

248 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"When  was  it?"  his  ruthless  interrogator 
broke  in. 

"Night  before  last." 

"How  far?" 

"How  can  I  tell?  Not  far.  A  few  miles." 

"And  back.  And  it  took  you  all  night,"  she 
accused. 

"What  if  it  did?"  he  cried  peevishly.  "A 
man 's  got  to  have  some  relief  from  work,  has  n't 
he?  It  was  livelier  than  sitting  all  night  with 
one's  eye  glued  to  a  microscope  barrel!" 

"Oh,  beetle  man,  beetle  man!  I  don't  know 
about  you  at  all.  What  kind  of  a  strange  queer 
creature  are  you?  Have  you  wings,  Mr.  Beetle 
Man?" 

Suddenly  she  bent  over  and  laid  her  soft 
lips  upon  the  scarified  palm.  The  Unspeakable 
Perk  sat  up,  with  a  half-cry. 

"Now  the  other  one,"  said  the  girl.  Her  face 
was  a  mantle  of  rose-color,  but  her  eyes  shone. 

"I  won't!  You  shan't!" 

"The  other  one!"  she  commanded  imperi- 
ously. 

"Please,  Miss  Brewster — " 

A  noise  at  the  door  saved  him.  There  stood 
249 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Thatcher  Brewster,  magnate,  multi-millionaire, 
and  master  of  men,  a  huge  tray  in  his  hands. 

"Beefsteak,  fried  potatoes,  alligator  pear, 
fresh  bread,  real  butter,  coffee,  and  cake,"  he 
proclaimed  jovially.  "Not  to  mention  a  cock- 
tail, which  I  compounded  with  my  own  skilled 
hands.  Are  you  ready,  my  boy?  Go!" 

The  Unspeakable  Perk  leaped  from  his  couch. 

"Food!"  he  cried.  "Real  American  food! 
The  perfume  of  it  is  a  square  meal." 

"You're  much  gladder  to  see  it  than  you 
were  me,"  pouted  Miss  Polly. 

"I'm  not  half  as  afraid  of  it,"  he  admitted. 
"Mr.  Brewster,  your  health." 

"Here's  to  you,  my  boy.  Now  I '11  leave  you 
with  your  nurse,  and  make  my  final  arrange- 
ments. We're  off  by  special  in  the  morning." 

"That's  fine!"  said  the  scientist. 

But  Miss  Polly  Brewster  caught  the  turn 
of  his  head  in  her  direction,  and  saw  that  his 
fork  had  slackened  in  his  hand.  Something 
tightened  around  her  heart. 

As  he  went,  her  father  considered  her  for  a 
moment,  and  wondered.  Never  before  had  he 
seen  such  a  look  in  her  eyes  as  that  which  she 
250 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

had  turned  on  the  queer,  vivid  stranger  so  busily 
engaged  at  the  tray.  Polly,  and  this  obscure 
scientist!  After  the  kind  of  men  whom  the  girl 
had  known,  enslaved,  and  eluded!  Absurd!  Yet 
if  it  were  to  be  —  Mr.  Brews ter  reviewed  the 
events  of  the  afternoon  —  well,  it  might  be 
worse. 

"By  the  Lord  Harry,  he's  a  man,  anyway!" 
decided  Thatcher  Brewster. 

Meanwhile,  the  subject  of  his  musings  began 
to  feel  like  a  man  once  more,  instead  of  like  a 
lath.  Having  wrought  havoc  among  the  edibles, 
he  rose  with  a  sigh. 

"If  I  could  have  one  hour's  sleep,"  he  said 
mournfully,  "I'd  be  fit  as  a  cricket." 

"You  shall,"  said  the  girl.  "Mr.  Sherwen 
says  he  won't  let  you  out  of  the  house  until  it's 
dark.  And  that's  fully  an  hour." 

"I  ought  to  be  on  my  way  back  now." 

"Back  where?  To  your  mountains?" 

"Yes." 

"You'd  be  recognized  and  attacked  before 
you  could  get  out  of  the  city.  I  won't  let  you." 

"That  would  n't  do,  for  a  fact.  Perhaps  it 
would  be  safer  to  wait.  I've  made  enough 

251 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

trouble  for  one  day  by  my  blunder-headed 
thoughtlessness." 

"Is  that  what  you  call  rescuing  the  flag?" 

"Oh,  rescuing!"  he  said  slightingly.  "What 
difference  does  it  make  what  vermin  like  that 
mob  do?  Just  for  a  whim,  to  endanger  all  of 
you." 

She  stared  at  him  in  amaze  and  suspicion. 
But  he  was  quite  honest. 

"My  whim,"  she  reminded  him. 

"Yes;  I  suppose  it  was,"  he  admitted 
thoughtfully.  "When  I  saw  you  crying,  I  lost 
my  head,  and  acted  like  a  child." 

"Then  it  was  all  my  fault?" 

"Oh,  I  don't  say  that.  Certainly  not.  I'm 
master  of  my  own  actions.  If  I  had  n't 
wanted  — " 

"But  it  was  my  fault  this  much,  anyway, 
that  you  would  n't  have  done  it  except  for  me." 

"Yes;  it  was  your  fault  to  that  extent,"  he 
said  honestly.  "I  hope  you  don't  mind  my 
saying  so." 

"Oh,  beetle  man,  beetle  man!"  She  leaned 
forward,  her  eyes  deep-lit  pools  of  mirth  and 
mockery  and  some  more  occult  feeling  that  he 

252 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

could  not  interpret.  "Would  it  scare  you  quite 
out  of  your  poor,  queer  wits  if  I  were  to  hug 
you?  Don't  call  for  help.  I'm  not  really  going 
to  do  it." 

"  I  know  you  're  not,"  said  he  dolefully.  "  But 
about  that  row,  I  want  to  set  myself  right.  I  'm 
no  fool.  I  know  it  took  a  certain  amount  of 
nerve  to  go  down  there.  And  I  was  even  proud 
of  it,  in  a  way.  And  when  Von  Plaanden  turned 
and  gave  me  the  salute  before  he  went  away,  I 
liked  it  quite  a  good  deal." 

"Did  he  do  that?  I  love  him  for  it!"  cried 
the  girl. 

"But  my  point  is  this,  that  what  I  did 
was  n't  sound  common  sense.  Now  if  Carroll 
had  done  it,  it  would  have  been  all  right." 

"Why  for  him  and  not  for  you?" 

"Because  those  are  his  principles.  They're 
not  mine." 

"  I  wish  you  were  n't  quite  so  contemptuous 
of  poor  Fitz.  It  seems  hardly  fair." 

"Contemptuous  of  him?  I'd  give  half  my 
life  to  be  in  his  place  after  to-morrow." 

"Why?"  There  was  a  flutter  in  her  throat 
as  she  put  the  question. 

253 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Because  he's  going  with  you,  is  n't  he?" 

"  So  are  you,  if  you  will." 

"I  can't." 

"Father  won't  go  without  you,  I  believe. 
Won't  you  come,  if  I  ask  you?" 

"No." 

"Work,  I  suppose,"  said  the  girl;  "the  work 
that  you  love  better  than  anything  in  the  world." 

"You're  wrong  there."  His  voice  was  not 
quite  steady  now.  "But  it's  work  that  has  to 
have  my  first  consideration  now.  And  there  is 
one  special  responsibility  that  I  can't  evade, 
for  the  present,  anyway." 

"And  afterward?"  She  dared  not  look  at 
him  as  she  spoke. 

"Ah,  afterward.  There's  too  much  *  perhaps' 
in  the  afterward  down  here.  We  science  grub- 
bers on  the  outposts  enlist  for  the  term  of  the 
war,"  he  said,  smiling  wanly. 

"How  can  I  —  can  we  go  and  leave  you 
here  ? "  she  demanded  obstinately. 

"Oh,  give  me  a  square  meal  once  in  a  while, 
and  a  night's  rest  here  and  there,  and  I'll  do 
well  enough." 

"Oh,  dear!  I  forgot  your  sleep.  Here  I've 
254 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

been  chattering  like  a  magpie.  Take  off  your 
coat  and  lie  down  on  that  sofa  at  once." 

"Where  shall  I  find  you  when  I  wake  up?" 

"Right  where  you  leave  me  when  you  fall 
asleep." 

"Oh,  no!  You  must  n't  wear  yourself  out 
watching  over  me." 

"Hush!  You're  under  orders.  Give  me  the 
coat."  She  hung  it  on  the  back  of  a  chair.  "Not 
another  word  now.  And  I  '11  call  you  when  time 
is  up." 

He  closed  his  eyes,  and  the  girl  sat  studying 
his  face  in  the  dim  light,  graving  it  deep  on  her 
inner  vision,  seeking  to  formulate  some  concep- 
tion of  the  strange  being  so  still  and  placid  be- 
fore her.  How  had  she  ever  thought  him  ridicu- 
lous and  uncouth  ?  How  had  she  ever  dared  to 
insult  him  by  distrust?  What  did  it  matter 
what  other  men,  estimating  him  by  their  own 
sordid  standards,  said  of  him  ?  As  if  her  thought 
had  established  a  connection  with  his,  he  opened 
his  eyes  and  sat  up. 

"  I  knew  there  was  something  I  wanted  to  ask 
you,"  he  said.  "What  did  your  'Never,  never, 
never'  mean?" 

255 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"A  foolish  misunderstanding  that  I'm 
ashamed  of." 

"Was  it  that  —  that  woman-gossip  busi- 
ness?" 

"Yes.  I  was  stupid.  Will  you  forgive  me?" 

"What  is  there  to  forgive?  Some  time,  per- 
haps, you'll  understand  the  whole  thing." 

"Please  don't  let's  say  anything  more  about 
it.  I  do  understand." 

This  was  not  quite  true.  All  that  Polly 
Brewster  knew  was  that,  with  those  clear  gray 
eyes  meeting  hers,  she  would  have  believed  his 
honor  clean  and  high  against  the  world.  The 
presence  of  the  woman,  even  that  dress  flutter- 
ing in  the  wind,  was  susceptible  of  a  hundred 
simple  explanations. 

"Ah,  that's  all  right,  then."  There  was  relief 
in  his  tone.  "Of  course,  in  a  place  like  this  there 
is  a  lot  of  gossip  and  criticism.  And  when  one 
runs  counter  to  the  general  law — " 

"Counter  to  the  law?" 

"Yes.  As  a  rule,  I'm  not  'beyond  the  pale  of 
law,'"  he  said,  smiling.  "But  down  here  one 
isn't  bound  by  the  same  conventions  as  at 
home." 

256 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

The  girl's  hand  went  to  her  throat  in  a  pite- 
ous gesture. 

"I —  I  —  don't  understand.  I  don't  want 
to  understand." 

"There's  got  to  be  a  certain  broad-minded- 
ness in  these  matters,"  he  blundered  on,  with 
what  seemed  to  her  outraged  senses  an  abomi- 
nable jauntiness.  "But  the  risk  was  small  for 
me,  and,  of  course,  for  her,  anything  was  better 
than  the  other  life.  At  that,  I  don't  see  how 
the  truth  reached  you.  What  is  it,  Miss  Polly?" 

Rage,  grief,  and  shame  choked  the  girl's 
utterance. 

Without  a  word,  she  ran  from  the  room, 
leaving  her  companion  a  prey  to  troubled 
wonder. 

In  the  patio,  she  turned  sharply  to  avoid  a 
group  gathered  around  Galpy,  who,  with  a 
patch  over  one  eye,  was  trying  to  impart  some 
news  between  gasps. 

"Got  it  from  the  bulletin  board  of  La  Liber- 
dad"  he  cried.  "Killed;  body  gone;  devil  to 
pay  all  over  the  place." 

"What's  that?"  demanded  the  Unspeakable 
Perk,  running  out,  coatless  and  goggleless. 

257 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"There's  been  another  riot,  and  Dr.  Luther 
Pruyn  is  killed,"  explained  Sherwen. 

"Who  says  so?" 

"  Bulletin  board  —  La  Liberdad  —  just  saw 
it,"  panted  Galpy. 

"Nonsense!  It's  a  bola" 

"The  whole  city  is  ringing  with  it.  They  say 
it  was  a  plot  to  get  him  out  of  the  way  to  stop 
quarantine.  The  Foreign  Office  is  buzzing  with 
inquiries,  and  Puerto  del  Norte  is  burning  up 
the  wires." 

"Puerto  del  Norte!  How  did  they  hear?" 

"Telephone,  of  course.  I  hear  Wisner  is 
coming  up,"  said  Sherwen. 

"I  Ve  got  to  get  a  wire  to  the  port  at  once," 
cried  the  scientist.  "At  once!" 

"You!  What  for?" 

"To  stop  off  Wisner.  To  tell  him  it  is  n't  so." 

"You're  excited,  my  boy,"  said  Mr.  Brewster 
kindly.  "Better  lie  down  again." 

"It's  true,  right  enough,"  said  the  English- 
man. "  Sir  Willet's  cochero  saw  the  mob  get  him." 

"When?  Where?"  asked  Fitzhugh  Carroll. 

"Have  n't  got  any  details,  but  the  Govern- 
ment admits  it." 

258 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"  I  don't  care  if  the  President  and  his  whole 
cabinet  swear  to  it,"  vociferated  the  Unspeak- 
able Perk.  "It's  a  fake.  How  can  I  get  Puerto 
del  Norte,  Mr.  Sherwen?" 

"You  can't  get  it  at  all  for  any  such  pur- 
pose. How  do  you  know  it's  a  fake?" 

"How  do  I  know?  Oh,  dammit!  Fm  Luther 
Pruyn!" 

He  snatched  off  his  glasses  and  faced  them. 

The  little  group  stood  petrified.  Mr.  Brewster 
was  first  to  recover. 

"Crazy,  poor  chap!"  he  said.  "Luther 
Pruyn  was  my  classmate." 

"That's  my  father,  Luther  L." 

"Proofs,"  said  Sherwen  sharply. 

"In  my  coat  pocket.  In  the  room.  Can  I 
have  your  wire,  Mr.  Sherwen?" 

"It 'scut." 

"Come  to  the  railway  wire,"  offered  Galpy. 
"My  eye!  Wot  a  game!" 

The  two  men  ran  out,  the  scientist  leaving 
behind  coat  and  goggles. 

"It  was  our  little  mix-up  that  started  the 
rumor,"  said  Carroll  thoughtfully.  "  Somebody 
recognized  Perk —  Dr.  Pruyn." 

259 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"When  his  glasses  fell  off,"  said  Cluff. 
"They're  some  disguise." 

"He's  Luther  Pruyn,  sure  enough!"  said 
Mr.  Sherwen,  emerging  from  the  room.  "  Here 's 
the  proof."  He  held  out  an  official-looking  docu- 
ment. "An  order  from  the  Dutch  Naval  Office, 
made  out  in  his  name." 

"What  does  it  say?"  asked  Carroll. 

"I'm  not  much  of  a  hand  at  Dutch,  but  it 
seems  to  direct  the  blockading  warship  to  re- 
ceive Dr.  Luther  Pruyn  and  wife  and  convey 
them  to  Curasao." 

"And  wife!"  exclaimed  Cluff  loudly.  He 
whistled  as  a  vent  to  his  amazement.  "That 
explains  all  the  talk  about  a  woman  —  a  lady 
in  his  quinta  on  the  mountains?" 

"Apparently,"  said  Carroll.  "May  I  see  that 
document,  Mr.  Sherwen?" 

The  American  representative  handed  him  the 
paper.  As  he  was  studying  it,  Galpy  reentered, 
still  scant  of  breath  from  excitement  and  haste. 
"He's  gone  back  to  the  mountains,"  he  an- 
nounced. "Sent  word  for  you  to  get  to  the 
port  before  dawn,  if  you  have  to  walk.  See 
Mr.  Wisner  there.  He'll  arrange  everything." 

260 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Will  Mr.  Perk  — Dr.  Pruyn  be  there?" 
asked  Mr.  Brewster. 

"He  did  n't  say." 

"But  he's  gone  without  his  coat!" 

"And  goggles,"  said  Cluff. 

"And  his  pass,"  added  Sherwen. 

"Trust  him  to  come  back  for  them  when  he 
gets  ready.  He's  a  rum  josser  for  doing  things 
his  own  way.  Now,  about  the  train."  And 
Galpy  outlined  the  plan  of  departure  to  the 
men,  who,  except  Carroll,  had  gathered  about 
him.  The  Southerner,  unnoticed,  had  slipped 
into  the  room  where  the  scientist's  coat  lay. 
Coming  out  by  the  lower  door,  he  was  inter- 
cepted by  Miss  Polly  Brewster.  He  interpreted 
the  misery  in  her  face,  and  turned  sick  at  heart 
with  the  pain  of  what  it  told  him. 

"You  heard?  "he  asked. 

She  nodded.  "Is  it  true?  Did  you  see  the 
permit  yourself?" 

"Yes.  Here  it  is." 

"I  don't  want  to  see  it.  It  does  n't  matter," 
she  said,  with  utter  weariness  in  her  voice. 
"When  do  we  leave?  I  want  to  go  home.  Send 
father  to  me,  please,  Fitz." 

261 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Mr.  Brewster  came  to  her,  bearing  the  news 
that  the  sailing  was  set  for  the  morrow. 

"I'm  glad  to  know  that  Dr.  and  Mrs.  Pruyn 
are  provided  for,"  she  remarked,  so  casually 
that  the  troubled  father  drew  a  breath  of  relief, 
concluding  that  he  must  have  misinterpreted 
the  girl's  interest  in  the  man  behind  the  goggles. 

On  his  way  to  the  patio,  he  passed  through 
the  room  where  the  scientist  had  lain.  He  came 
out  looking  perturbed. 

"Has  any  one  been  in  that  room  just  now?" 
he  asked  Sherwen. 

"Not  that  I've  seen." 

"The  coat  and  the  other  things  are  not 
there." 

Inquiry  and  search  alike  proved  unavailing. 
Not  until  an  hour  later  did  they  discover  that 
Carroll  had  also  disappeared.  Sherwen  found  a 
note  from  him  on  the  office  desk:  — 

Please  look  after  my  luggage.  Will  join  the 
others  at  the  yacht  to-morrow. 

P.  F.  F.  C 


XII 

THE    WOMAN    AT    THE    QUINTA 

THANKS  to  his  rival's  map,  Carroll  had 
little  difficulty  in  finding  the  trail  to  the 
mountain  quinta.  A  brilliant  new  moon  helped 
to  make  easy  the  ascent.  What  course  he  would 
pursue  upon  his  arrival  he  had  not  clearly  de- 
fined to  himself.  That  would  depend  largely 
upon  the  attitude  of  the  man  he  was  seeking. 
The  flame  of  battle,  still  hot  from  the  after- 
noon's melee,  burned  high  in  the  Southerner's 
soul,  for  he  was  not  of  those  whose  spirit  rap- 
idly cools.  Bitter  resentment  on  behalf  of  Miss 
Polly  Brewster  fanned  that  flame.  On  one 
point  he  was  determined:  neither  he  nor  the 
so-called  Perkins  should  leave  the  mountain 
until  he  had  had  from  the  latter's  own  lips  a 
full  explanation. 

Coming  out  into  the  open  space,  he  got  his 
first  glimpse  of  the  quinta.  It  was  dark,  except 
for  one  low  light.  From  the  farther  side  there 
came  faintly  to  his  ear  a  rhythmical  sound,  with 
brief  intervals  of  quiet,  as  if  some  one  hard  at 
labor  were  stopping  from  time  to  time  for 

263 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

breath.  At  that  distance,  Carroll  could  not 
interpret  the  sound,  but  some  unidentified 
quality  of  it  struck  chill  upon  his  fancy.  Long 
experience  in  the  woods  had  made  him  a  good 
trailsman.  He  proceeded  cautiously  until  he 
reached  the  edge  of  the  clearing. 

The  sound  had  stopped  now,  but  he  thought 
he  could  hear  heavy  breathing  from  beyond  the 
house.  As  he  moved  toward  that  side,  a  small 
but  malevolent-looking  snake  slithered  out  from 
beneath  a  bush  near  by.  Involuntarily  he 
leaped  aside.  As  he  landed,  a  round  pebble 
slipped  under  his  foot.  He  flung  up  his  arm.  It 
met  the  low  branch  of  a  tree,  and  saved  him  a 
fall.  But  the  thrashing  of  the  leaves  made  a 
startling  noise  in  the  moonlit  stillness.  The 
snake  went  on  about  its  business. 

"Hola!"  challenged  a  voice  around  the  angle 
of  the  house. 

Carroll  recognized  the  voice.  He  stepped  out 
of  the  shadows  and  strode  across  the  open  space. 
At  the  corner  of  the  house  he  met  the  muzzle 
of  a  revolver  pointing  straight  at  the  pit  of  his 
stomach.  Back  of  it  were  the  steady  and  now 
goggldess  eyes  of  Luther  Pruyn. 

264 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"  I  am  unarmed,"  said  Carroll. 

"Ah,  it's  you!"  said  the  other.  He  lowered 
his  weapon,  carefully  whirled  the  cylinder  to 
bring  the  hammer  opposite  an  empty  chamber, 
and  dropped  it  in  his  pocket.  "What  do  you 
want?" 

"An  explanation." 

"Quite  so,"  said  the  other  coolly.  "I'd  for- 
gotten that  I  invited  you  here.  How  long  had 
you  been  watching  me?" 

"I  saw  you  only  when  you  came  out  from 
behind  the  house." 

"And  you  wish  to  know  about  —  about  my 
companion  in  this  place?"  continued  the  other 
in  an  odd  tone. 

"Yes." 

"Understand  that  I  don't  admit  that  you 
have  the  smallest  right.  But  to  clear  up  a  situ- 
ation which  no  longer  exists,  I  'm  ready  to  sat- 
isfy you.  Come  in. " 

He  held  open  the  door  of  the  room  where  the 
lone  light  was  burning.  In  the  middle  of  the 
floor  was  spread  a  sheet,  beneath  which  a  form 
was  outlined  in  grisly  significance.  Carroll's 
host  lifted  the  cover. 

265 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

The  woman  was  white-haired,  frail,  and 
wrinkled.  One  side  of  her  face  shone  in  the 
lamplight  with  a  strange  hue,  like  tarnished 
silver.  In  her  throat  was  a  small  bluish  wound; 
opposite  it  a  gaping  hole. 

"Shot!"  exclaimed  Carroll.   "Who  did  it?" 

"Some  high-minded  Caracunan  patriot,  I 
suppose." 

"Why?" 

"Well,  I  suspect  that  it  was  a  mistake.  From 
a  distance  and  inside  a  window,  she  might  easily 
have  been  taken  for  some  one  else." 

Carroll's  mind  reverted  to  his  companion's 
ready  revolver. 

"Yourself,  for  instance?"  he  suggested. 

"Why,  yes." 

"Who  was  she?" 

There  was  left  in  the  Southerner's  manner 
no  trace  of  the  cross-examiner.  Suspicion  had 
departed  from  him  at  the  first  sight  of  that  old 
and  still  face,  leaving  only  sympathy  and  pity. 

"My  patient." 

"Have  you  been  running  a  private  hospital 
up  here?" 

"Oh,  no.  I  took  her  because  there  was  no 
266 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

other  place  fit  for  her  to  go  to.  And  I  had  to 
keep  her  presence  secret,  because  there's  a  law 
against  harboring  lepers  here.  A  pretty  cruel 
brute  of  a  law  it  is,  too." 

"Leprosy!"  exclaimed  Carroll,  looking  at 
that  strange  silvery  face  with  a  shudder.  "Is  n't 
it  fearfully  contagious?" 

"Not  in  any  ordinary  sense.  I  was  trying  a 
new  serum  on  her,  and  had  planned  to  smuggle 
her  across  to  Curasao,  when  this  ended  it." 

"Curacao?  Then  that  pass  for  yourself  and 
wife —  By  the  way,  that  and  your  coat  are 
over  in  the  thicket,  where  I  dropped  them." 

"Thank  you.  But  it  does  n't  say  'wife.'  It 
says  simply  'a  woman." 

"And  you  were  encumbering  yourself  with 
an  unknown  leper,  at  a  time  like  this,  just  as  an 
act  of  human  kindness  ? "  There  was  something 
almost  reverential  in  Carroll's  voice. 

"Scientific  interest,  in  part.  Besides,  she 
was  n't  wholly  unknown.  She 's  a  sort  of  cousin 
of  Raimonda's." 

Carroll's  mind  flew  back  to  his  fatally  mis- 
interpreted conversation  with  the  young  Cara- 
cuiian. 

267 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"What  did  he  mean  by  letting  me  think  that 
you  should  n't  associate  with  Miss  Polly?" 

"Oh,  he  had  the  usual  erroneous  dread  of 
leprosy  contagion,  I  suppose." 

"May  I  ask  you  another  question,  Mr.  Per — 
I  beg  your  pardon,  Dr.  Pruyn?"  said  the  visitor, 
almost  timidly. 

"Perkins  will  do."  The  other  smiled  wanly. 
"Ask  me  anything  you  want  to." 

"Why  did  you  run  away  that  day  on  the 
tram-car?" 

"To  avoid  trouble,  of  course." 

"You?  Why,  you  go  about  searching  for 
dangerous  and  difficult  jobs.  That  won't  do!" 

"Not  at  all.  It's  only  when  I  can't  get  away 
from  them.  But  I  could  n't  risk  arrest  then. 
Some  one  would  surely  have  recognized  me  as 
Luther  Pruyn.  You  see,  I  Ve  been  here  before." 

"Then  I  don't  see  why  they  did  n't  identify 
you,  anyway." 

"Three  years  ago  I  was  much  heavier,  and 
wore  a  full  beard.  Then  these  glasses,  besides 
being  invaluable  for  protection,  are  a  pretty 
thorough  disguise." 

"So  they  are.  But  the  game  is  up  now." 
268 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Yes."  The  scientist  drew  the  sheet  back 
over  the  dead  woman.  "I  suppose  the  sharp- 
shooters who  did  the  job  will  report  me  safely 
out  of  the  way.  It's  only  a  question  of  when  the 
burial  party  will  come  for  me." 

"Then,  why  are  we  waiting?"  cried  Carroll. 

"I  couldn't  leave  her  lying  here,"  replied 
the  other  simply. 

The  sound  of  rhythmical  labor  came  back  to 
Carroll's  memory. 

"You  were  digging  her  grave?" 

The  other  nodded.  Carroll,  stiffly,  for  his 
knifed  arm  was  painful,  got  out  of  his  coat. 

"Where's  an  extra  spade?"  he  asked. 

When  their  labor  was  over,  and  the  leper 
laid  beneath  the  leveled  soil,  Carroll  cut  two 
branches  from  a  near-by  tree,  trimmed  them, 
bound  them  in  the  form  of  a  cross,  and  fixed 
the  symbol  firmly  in  the  earth  at  the  dead 
woman's  head. 

"That  was  well  thought  of,"  said  the  scien- 
tist. "  I  'm  afraid  that  would  n't  have  occurred 
to  me." 

"You  can  get  word  to  Seiior  Raimonda?" 
asked  Carroll. 

269 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

His  host  nodded.  A  long  silence  followed. 
Carroll  broke  it:  — 

"Then  there  is  no  further  secrecy  about 
this?" 

"About  what?" 

"Her  identity."  He  pointed  to  the  grave. 

"No;  I  suppose  not.  Why?" 

"  Because  Miss  Brewster  has  a  right  to  know." 

"Do  you  propose  to  tell  her?" 

"Yes." 

"Very  well,"  agreed  the  scientist,  after  a 
pause  for  consideration.  "But  not  until  after 
the  yacht  is  at  sea." 

Carroll  did  not  reply  directly  to  this. 

"What  shall  you  do?" 

"Get  out,  if  I  can.  I'm  ordered  to  Curasao. 
Wisner  left  word  for  me." 

"Come  down  the  mountain  with  me." 

"Impossible.  There  are  matters  here  to  be 
attended  to." 

"Then  when  will  you  come  down?" 

"Before  you  sail.  I  must  be  sure  that  you 
get  off." 

"You'll  come  to  the  yacht,  then?" 

"No." 

270 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"I  think  you  should.  There  are  reasons  why 
—  why  —  Miss  Brews ter  — " 

"  It  is  n't  a  question  that  I  can  argue,"  the 
other  cut  him  off.  "I  can't  do  it."  There  was 
so  much  pain  in  his  voice  that  Carroll  forbore 
to  press  him.  "But  I'll  ask  you  to  take  a  note." 

Carroll  nodded,  and  his  host,  disappearing 
within  the  quinta,  returned  almost  at  once  with 
an  envelope  on  which  the  address  was  written 
in  pencil.  The  Southerner  took  it  and  rose  from 
the  porch,  where  he  had  flung  himself  to  rest. 

"Perkins,"  he  said,  with  some  effort,  "I've 
thought  and  said  some  hard  things  about  you." 

"Naturally  enough,"  murmured  the  other. 

"Do  you  want  me  to  apologize?" 

The  scientist  stared.  "Do you  want  me  to 
thank  you  for  to-night's  work?"  he  countered. 

"No." 

"Well—" 

"All  right." 

The  two  men,  different  in  every  quality  ex- 
cept that  of  essential  manhood,  smiled  at  each 
other  with  a  profound  mutual  understanding. 
There  was  a  silent  handshake,  and  Carroll  set 
off  down  the  mountain  toward  the  sunrise  glow. 


XIII 

LEFT    BEHIND 

DAWN  crested,  poised,  and  broke  in  a  surf 
of  splendor  upon  the  great  mountain- 
line  that  overhangs  Puerto  del  Norte.  Where, 
at  the  corporation  dock,  there  had  lurked  the 
shadow  of  a  yacht,  gray-black  against  blue- 
black,  there  now  swung  a  fairy  ship  of  purest 
silver,  cradled  upon  a  swaying  mirror.  Tiny 
insects,  touched  to  life  by  the  radiance,  scuttled 
busily  about  her  decks  and  swarmed  out  upon 
the  dock.  The  seagoing  yacht  Polly  had  awak- 
ene*B  early. 

Down  the  mule  path  that  forms  the  shortest 
cut  from  the  railway  station  straggled  a  group 
of  minute  creatures.  To  one  watching  from  the 
mountain-side  with  powerful  field-glasses  — 
such  as,  for  example,  a  convinced  and  ardent 
hater  of  the  Caribbean  Sea,  curled  up  with  his 
back  against  a  cold  and  Voiceless  rock  —  it 
might  have  appeared  that  the  group  was  carry- 
ing an  unusual  quantity  of  hand  luggage.  Yet 
they  were  not  porters;  so  much,  even  at  a  great 

272 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

distance,  their  apparel  proclaimed.  The  pirates 
of  porterdom  do  not  get  up  to  meet  five-o'clock- 
in-the-morning  specials  in  Caracuna. 

The  little  group  gathered  close  at  the  pier, 
then  separated,  two  going  aboard,  and  the 
others  disappearing  into  sundry  streets  and 
reappearing  presently  at  the  water-front  with 
other  figures.  The  human  form  cannot  be  dis- 
tinctly seen,  at  a  distance  of  three  miles,  to  rub 
its  eyes;  neither  can  it  be  heard  to  curse;  but 
there  was  that  in  the  newer  figures  which  sug- 
gested a  sudden  and  reluctant  surrender  of 
sleeping  privileges.  Had  our  supposititious 
watcher  possessed  an  intimate  and  contemptu- 
ous knowledge  of  Caracuna  officialdom,  he 
would  have  surmised  that  lavish  sums  of  money 
had  been  employed  to  stir  the  port  and  customs 
officials  to  such  untimely  activity. 

But  not  money  or  any  other  agency  is  potent 
to  stir  Caracunan  officialdom  to  undue  speed. 
Hence  the  observer  from  the  heights,  supposing 
that  he  had  a  personal  interest  in  the  proceed- 
ings, might  have  assured  himself  of  ample  time 
to  reach  the  coast  before  the  formalities  could 
be  completed  and  the  ship  put  forth  to  sea. 

273 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Had  he  presently  humped  himself  to  his  feet 
with  a  sluggish  effort,  abandoned  his  field- 
glasses  in  favor  of  a  pair  of  large  greenish-brown 
goggles,  and  set  out  on  a  trail  straight  down  the 
mountains,  staggering  a  bit  at  the  start,  a  sec- 
ond supposititious  observer  of  the  first  sup- 
posititious observer  —  if  such  cumulative  hy- 
pothesis be  permissible  —  might  have  divined 
that  the  first  supposititious  observer  was  the 
Unspeakable  Perk,  going  about  other  people's 
business  when  he  ought  to  have  been  in  bed. 
And  so,  not  to  keep  any  reader  in  unendurable 
suspense,  it  was. 

While  the  Unspeakable  Perk  was  making  his 
way  down  the  dim  and  narrow  trail,  another 
equally  weary  figure  shambled  out  from  the 
main  road  upon  the  flats  and  made  for  the  land- 
ing. The  apparel  of  Mr.  Preston  Fairfax  Fitz- 
hugh  Carroll  was  in  a  condition  that  he  would 
have  deemed  quite  unfit  for  one  of  his  station, 
had  he  been  in  a  frame  of  mind  to  consider  such 
matters  at  all.  He  was  not.  Affairs  vastly  more 
weighty  and  human  occupied  his  mind.  What 
he  most  wished  was  to  find  Miss  Polly  Brewster 
and  unburden  himself  of  them. 

274 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

At  the  entrance  to  the  pier,  he  was  detained 
by  the  American  Consul.  Cluff  came  running 
down  the  long  structure  in  great  strides. 

"Moses,  Carroll!  I'm  glad  to  see  you! 
Where  Ve  you  been?" 

A  week  earlier,  the  scion  of  all  the  Virginias 
would  have  resented  this  familiarity  from  a  pro- 
fessional athlete.  But  neither  Mr.  Carroll's 
mind  nor  his  heart  was  a  sealed  inclosure.  He 
had  learned  much  in  the  last  few  days. 

"Up  on  the  mountain,"  he  said.  "For 
Heaven's  sake,  give  me  a  drink,  duff!" 

The  other  produced  a  flask. 

"You  do  look  shot  to  pieces,"  he  commented. 
"  Find  Perk  —  Pruyn?" 

"Yes.  I'll  tell  you  later.  Where's  Miss 
Brewster?" 

"  In  her  stateroom.  Asleep,  I  guess.  Said  she 
wanted  rest,  and  nobody  was  to  disturb  her  till 
we  sail." 

"When  do  we  start?" 

"Eight  o'clock,  they  say.  That  means  ten. 
Will  Dr.  Pruyn  get  here?" 

"He  is  n't  going  with  us." 

"Oh,  no.  I  forgot  his  Dutch  permit.  Well, 
275 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

he'd  better  use  it  quick,  or  he'll  go  in  a  box 
when  he  does  go.  I  would  n't  insure  his  life  for 
a  two-cent  stamp  in  this  country." 

"You  would  n't  if  you'd  seen  what  I  saw  last 
night,"  said  the  Southerner,  very  low. 

Wisner,  the  busy,  efficient  little  consul,  who 
had  been  arranging  with  the  officials  for  Car- 
roll's embarkation,  now  returned,  bringing  with 
him  a  viking  of  a  man  whom  he  introduced  as 
Dr.  Stark,  of  the  United  States  Public  Health 
Service. 

"Either  of  you  know  anything  about  Dr. 
Pruyn?"  he  inquired  anxiously. 

"He's  on  his  way  down  the  mountain  now," 
said  Carroll. 

"Good!  He's  ordered  away,  I'm  glad  to  say. 
Just  got  the  message." 

"Then  perhaps  he  will  go  out  with  us,"  said 
Cluif,  with  obvious  relief.  "I  sure  did  hate  to 
think  of  leaving  that  boy  here,  with  the  game 
laws  for  goggle-eyed  Americans  entirely  sus- 
pended." 

"No.  He's  ordered  to  Curasao  to  stay  and 
watch.  We've  got  to  get  him  out  to  the  Dutch 
ship  somehow." 

276 


fHE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

f 

"Could  n't  the  yacht  take  him  and  transfer 
him  outside?"  asked  Carroll. 

"Mr.  Carroll,"  said  Dr.  Stark  earnestly,  "be- 
fore this  yacht  is  many  minutes  out  from  the 
dock,  you'll  see  a  yellow  flag  go  up  from  the 
end  of  the  corporation  pier.  After  that,  if  the 
yacht  turns  aside  or  comes  back  for  a  package 
that  some  one  has  left,  or  does  anything  but 
hold  the  straightest  course  on  the  compass  for 
the  blue  and  open  sea  —  well,  she  '11  be  about 
the  foolishest  craft  that  ever  ploughed  salt 


water." 


"I  suppose  so,"  admitted  Carroll.  "Well,  I 
have  matters  to  look  after  on  board." 

Into  Mr.  Carroll's  cabin  it  is  nobody's  busi- 
ness to  follow  him.  A  man  has  a  right  to  some 
privacy  of  room  and  of  mind,  and  if  the  South- 
erner's struggle  with  himself  was  severe,  at  least 
it  was  of  brief  duration.  Within  half  an  hour, 
he  was  knocking  at  Polly  Brews ter's  door. 

"Please  go  'way,  whoever  it  is,"  answered  a 
pathetically  weary  voice. 

"Miss  Polly,  it's  Fitzhugh.  I  have  a  note  for 
you." 

"Leave  it  in  the  saloon." 
277 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"It's  important  that  you  see  it  right  away." 

"From  whom  is  it?"  queried  the  spent  voice. 

"From  Dr.  Pruyn." 

"I  —  I  don't  want  to  see  it." 

"You  must!"  insisted  her  suitor. 

"Did  he  say  I  must?" 

"No.  I  say  you  must.  Forgive  me.  Miss 
Polly,  but  I'm  going  to  wait  here  till  you  say 
you'll  read  it." 

"Push  it  under  the  door,"  said  the  girl  re- 
signedly. 

He  obeyed.  Polly  took  the  envelope,  sum- 
moned up  all  her  spirit,  and  opened  it.  It  con- 
tained one  penciled  line  and  the  signature :  — 

Good-bye.  All  my  heart  goes  with  you  for- 
ever. L.  P. 

Something  fluttered  from  the  envelope  to  her 
feet.  She  stooped  and  picked  it  up.  It  was  the 
tiniest  and  most  delicate  of  orchids,  purple, 
with  a  glow  of  gold  at  its  heart.  To  her  inflamed 
pride,  it  seemed  the  final  insult  that  he  should 
send  such  a  message  and  such  a  reminder,  with- 
out a  word  of  explanation  or  plea  for  pardon. 

278 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Pardon  she  never  would  have  granted,  but  at 
least  he  might  have  had  the  grace  of  shame. 

"Have  you  read  it?"  asked  the  patient  voice 
from  without. 

"Yes.  There  is  no  answer." 

"  Dr.  Pruyn  said  there  would  n't  be." 

"Then  why  are  you  waiting?" 

"To  see  you." 

"Oh,  Fitz,  I'm  too  worn  out,  and  I've  a 
splitting  headache.  Won't  it  wait?" 

"No."  The  voice  was  gently  inflexible. 

"More  messages?" 

"No;  something  I  must  tell  you.  Will  you 
come  out?" 

"I  suppose  so." 

Her  tone  was  utterly  listless  and  limp.  Ut- 
terly listless  and  limp,  she  looked,  too,  as  she 
opened  the  door  and  stood  waiting. 

"Miss  Polly,  it's  about  the  woman  at  Per- 
kins's —  at  Dr.  Pruyn's  house." 

Her  eyes  dilated  with  anger. 

"I  won't  hear!  How  dare  you  come  to 
me—" 

"You  must!  Don't  make  it  harder  for  me 
than  it  is." 

279 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

She  looked  up,  startled,  and  noted  the  hag- 
gard lines  in  his  face. 

"I'll  hear  it  if  you  think  I  should,  Fitz." 

"She  is  dead." 

"Dead?  His  — his  wife?" 

"  She  was  n't  his  wife.  She  was  a  helpless 
leper,  whom  he  was  trying  to  cure  with  some 
new  serum.  He  had  to  do  it  secretly  because 
there  is  a  law  forbidding  any  one  to  harbor  a 
leper." 

"Oh,  Fitz!"  she  cried.   "And  she  died  of  it?" 

"No.  They  killed  her.  Last  night." 

"They?  Who?" 

"Government  agents,  probably.  They  were 
after  Pruyn." 

"How  horrible!  And  —  and  Mrs.  Pruyn. 
Where  was  she?" 

"There  is  n't  any  Mrs.  Pruyn.  There  never 
was." 

"But  the  Dutch  permit!  It  was  for  Dr. 
Pruyn  and  his  wife." 

"Sherwen  misread  the  form.  So  did  I.  It 
read  for  Dr.  Pruyn  and  a  woman.  He  hoped  to 
take  her  to  Curacao  and  complete  his  experi- 


ment." 


280 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"That's  what  he  meant  when  he  spoke  of 
being  lawless,  and  I've  been  thinking  the  basest 
things  of  him  for  it!"  The  girl,  dazed  by  a  flash 
of  complete  enlightenment,  caught  at  Carroll's 
arm  with  beseeching  hands.  "Where  is  he, 
Fitz?" 

"On  his  way  down  the  mountain.  Perhaps 
down  here  by  now." 

"He's  coming  to  the  ship?"  she  asked. 

"No;  he  does  n't  expect  to  see  you  again. 
He  was  coming  down  to  make  sure  that  we  got 
off  safely." 

"Fitz,  dear  Fitz,  I  must  see  him!" 

"Miss  Polly,"  he  said  miserably,  "I'll  do 
anything  I  can." 

"Oh,  poor  Fitz!"  she  cried  pityingly,  her 
eyes  filling  with  tears.  "  I  wish  for  your  sake  it 
was  n't  so.  And  you  have  been  so  splendid 
about  it!" 

"I've  tried  to  make  amends,  and  play  fair. 
It  has  n't  been  easy.  Shall  I  go  back  and  look 
for  him?  It's  a  small  town,  and  I  can  find  him." 

"Yes.  I'll  write  a  note.  No;  I  won't.  Never 
mind.  I '11  manage  it.  Fitz,  go  and  rest.  You're 
worn  out,"  she  said  gently. 

281 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

Back  into  her  stateroom  went  Miss  Polly. 
From  that  time  forth  no  man  saw  her  nor 
woman,  either,  except  perhaps  her  maid,  and 
maids  are  dark  and  discreet  persons  on  occa- 
sion. If  this  particular  one  kept  her  own  coun- 
sel when  she  saw  a  trim  but  tremulous  figure 
drop  lightly  over  the  starboard  rail  of  the  Polly 
far  forward,  pick  up  a  small  traveling-bag  from 
the  pier,  step  behind  the  opportune  screen  of  a 
load  of  coffee  on  a  flat  car,  and  reappear  to  view 
only  as  a  momentary  swish  of  skirt  far  away  at 
the  shore  end;  if  this  same  maid  told  Mr. 
Thatcher  Brewster,  half  an  hour  later,  that 
Miss  Polly  was  asleep  in  her  stateroom,  and 
begged  that  she  be  disturbed  on  no  account,  as 
she  was  utterly  worn  out,  who  shall  blame  her 
for  her  silence  on  the  one  occasion  or  her  speech 
on  the  other?  She  was  but  obeying,  albeit  with 
tearful  misgivings,  duly  constituted  authority. 

Eight  o'clock  struck  on  the  bell  of  the  little 
Protestant  mission  church  on  the  tiny  plaza; 
struck  and  was  welcomed  by  the  echoes,  and 
passed  along  to  eventual  silence.  Within  two 
minutes  after,  there  was  a  special  stir  and  move- 
ment on  the  pier,  a  corresponding  stir  and  move- 

282 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

ment  on  board  the  trim  craft,  a  swishing  of 
great  ropes,  and  a  tooting  of  whistles.  White 
foam  churned  astern  of  her.  A  comic-supple- 
ment-looking pelican  on  a  buoy  off  to  port 
flapped  her  a  fantastic  farewell.  The  blockade- 
defying  yacht  Polly  was  off  for  blue  waters  and 
the  freedom  of  the  seas. 

On  the  shore,  feeling  woefully  helpless  and 
alone,  she  who  had  been  the  jewel  and  joy  of 
the  Polly  bit  her  lips  and  closed  her  eyes,  in  a 
tremulous  struggle  against  the  dismal  fear :  — 

"Suppose  he  does  n't  love  me,  after  all!" 


XIV 

THE    YELLOW    FLAG 

THE  departing  whistle  of  the  yacht  Polly 
struck  sharply  to  the  heart  of  a  desolate 
figure  seated  on  a  bench  in  the  blazing,  dusty, 
public  square  of  Puerto  del  Norte,  waiting  out 
his  first  day  of  pain.  A  kiskadee  bird,  the  only 
other  creature  foolish  enough  to  risk  the  hot 
bleakness  of  the  plaza  at  that  hour,  flitted  into 
a  dust-coated  palm,  inspected  him,  put  a  ten- 
tative query  or  two,  decided  that  he  was  of  no 
possible  interest,  and  left  the  Unspeakable  Perk 
to  his  own  cogitations. 

So  deep  in  wretchedness  were  the  cogitations 
that  he  did  not  hear  the  light,  hesitant  footstep. 
But  he  felt  in  every  vein  and  fiber  the  appealing 
touch  on  his  shoulder. 

"Good  God!  What  are  you  doing  here?"  he 
cried,  leaping  to  his  feet.  There  was  no  awk- 
wardess  or  shyness  in  his  speech  now;  only 
wonder-stricken  joy. 

"I  came  back  to  see  you." 

"But  the  yacht!  Your  ship!" 
284 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"She  has  left." 

"No!  She  must  n't!  Not  without  you !  You 
can't  stay  here.  It's  too  dangerous." 

"I  must.  They  think  I'm  aboard.  I  left  a 
note  for  papa.  He  won't  get  it  until  they're  at 
sea.  And  they  can't  come  back  for  me,  can 
they?" 

"No  —  yes  —  they  must!  I  must  see  Stark 
and  Wisner  at  once." 

"To  send  me  away?" 

"Yes." 

"Without  forgiving  me?" 

"Forgiving?  There's  no  question  of  that  be- 
tween you  and  me." 

"There  is.  Fitzhugh  told  me  everything  — 
all  about  the  poor  dead  woman." 

"Ah,  he  should  n't  have  done  that." 

"He  should!"  She  stamped  a  little  willful 
foot.  "What  else  could  he  do?" 

"Why,  yes,"  he  agreed  thoughtfully.  "I 
suppose  that's  so.  After  all,  a  man  can't  bear 
the  names  that  Carroll  does  and  go  wrong 
on  the  big  inner  things.  He  has  met  his  test, 
and  stood  it.  For  he  cares  very  deeply  for 


you." 


285 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

"Poor  Fitz!  "  she  sighed. 

"But  here  we're  wasting  time!"  he  cried  in  a 
panic.  "Where  can  I  leave  you?" 

"Do  you  want  to  leave  me?" 

"Want  to!"  he  groaned.  "Can't  you  under- 
stand that  I've  got  to  get  you  to  the  yacht!" 

"Oh,  beetle  man,  beetle  man,  don't  you  want 
me?"  she  cried  dolorously.  "Did  n't  you  mean 
your  note?" 

"Mean  it?  I  meant  it  as  I've  never  meant 
anything  in  the  world.  But  you  —  what  do  you 
mean?  Do  you  mean  that  you'll  —  you'll  let 
the  yacht  go  without  you  —  and  —  and  —  and 
stay  here,  and  m-m-marry  me?" 

"If  you  should  ask  me,"  she  said,  half- 
laughing,  half-crying,  "what  else  could  I  do? 
I'm  alone  and  deserted.  And  there's  only  you 
in  the  world." 

"Miss  P-P-Polly,"  he  began,  "I  — I  can't 
believe—" 

"It's  true!"  she  cried,  and  held  out  two 
yearning  hands  to  him.  "And  if  you  stammer 
and  stutter  and  —  and  —  and  act  like  the  Un- 
speakable Perk  now,  I'll  —  I'll  howl!" 

If  she  had  any  such  project,  the  chance  was 
286 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

lost  on  the  instant  of  the  warning,  as  he  caught 
her  to  him  and  held  her  close. 

"Oh!"  she  cried,  trying  to  push  him  away. 
"Do  you  know,  sir,  that  this  is  a  public  square ? " 

"Well,  I  did  n't  choose  it,"  he  reminded  her, 
laughing  in  pure  joy,  with  a  boyish  note  new 
to  her  ear.  "Anyway,  there  are  only  us  two 
under  the  sun."  And  he  drew  her  close  again, 
whispering  in  her  ear. 

"Oh  —  oh,  is  that  the  language  of  medical 
science?"  she  reproved. 

At  this  point,  generic  curiosity  overcame  the 
feathered  eavesdropper  in  the  tree  above. 

"Qu'est-ce  qu'il  dit?"  —  "What's  he  say?" 

The  girl  turned  a  flushed  and  adorable  face 
upward. 

"I  won't  tell  you.  It's  for  me  alone,"  she 
declared  joyously.  "But  you'll  never  stop  say- 
ing it,  will  you,  dear?" 

"Never,  as  long  as  we  both  shall  live.  And 
that  reminds  me/'  he  said  soberly.  "We  must 
arrange  about  being  married." 

"Oh,  that  reminds  you,  does  it?"  she  mocked. 
"Just  incidentally,  like  that." 

Boom!    Boom!    Boom!    The  mission  clock 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

kept  patiently  at  it  until  its  suggestion  struck  in. 

"Of  course!"  he  cried.  "Mr.  Lake,  the  mis- 
sionary, will  marry  us.  And  we'll  have  Stark 
and  Wisner  for  witnesses.  How  long  does  it 
take  a  bride  to  get  ready?  Would  half  an  hour 
be  enough?" 

"It's  rather  a  short  engagement,"  she  re- 
marked demurely.  "But  if  it's  all  the  time 
we've  got — " 

"It  is.  But,  darling,  we'll  have  to  ride  for  it 
afterward,  and  get  across  to  the  mainland.  I  Ve 
no  right  to  let  you  in  for  such  a  risk,"  he  cried 
remorsefully. 

"You  couldn't  help  yourself,"  she  teased 
saucily.  "  I  ran  you  down  like  one  of  your  own 
beetles.  Besides,  what  does  that  permit  for  the 
Dutch  ship  say?" 

"That's  for  myself  and  a  woman  —  the  leper 
woman.  Not  for  myself  and  my  wife." 

"Well,  I'm  a  woman,  are  n't  I?  And  it  does 
n't  say  that  the  woman  must  rit  be  your  wife." 
She  blushed  distractingly. 

"Caesar!  Of  course  it  doesn't!  What  luck! 
We'll  be  in  Curacao  to-morrow.  I  must  see 
Wisner  about  getting  us  off.  But,  Polly,  dearest 

288 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

one,  you're  sure?  You  have  n't  let  yourself  be 
carried  away  by  that  foolishness  of  mine  yes- 
terday?" 

"Sure?  Oh,  beetle  man!"  She  put  her  hands 
on  his  shoulders  and  bent  to  his  ear. 

The  sulphur-colored  winged  Paul  Pry  stuck  an 
impertinent  head  out  from  behind  a  palm  leaf. 

"Qu'est-cequ'elledit?  Qu'est-ce  qu'elledit?" 

For  the  second  and  last  time  in  his  adult  life 
the  beetle  man  threw  a  stone  at  a  bird. 

Four  hours  later  six  powerful  black  oars- 
men rowed  a  boat  containing  two  passengers 
and  practically  no  luggage  out  across  the  huge 
lazy  swells  of  the  Caribbean  toward  a  smudge 
of  black  smoke. 

"Look!"  cried  that  one  of  the  passengers 
who  wore  huge  goggles.  "There  goes  the  flag!" 

A  square  of  yellow  bunting  slid  slowly  up 
the  pierhead  staff  of  the  dock  corporation,  and 
spread  in  the  light  shore  breeze. 

"That's  the  modern  flaming  sword,"  he 
continued.  "The  color  stirs  something  inside 
me.  Ugly,  isn't  it?  " 

"It  is  ugly,"  she  confessed  thoughtfully. 
289 


THE    UNSPEAKABLE    PERK 

:<Yet  it's  the  flag  we  fight  under,  too,  isn't 
it?  And  we'd  fight  for  it  if  we  had  to,  just 
as  we  fought  for  the  other  —  our  own." 

"I  love  your  cwe,'"  he  laughed  happily. 

She  nestled  closer  to  him. 

"Are  you  still  hating  the  Caribbean?" 

"I?  I'm  loving  it  the  second-best  thing  in 
the  world." 

"But  I  loved  it  first,"  she  reminded  him  jeal- 
ously. "Dearest,"  she  added,  with  one  of  her 
swift  swoops  of  thought,  "what  was  that  funny 
title  the  British  Secretary  of  Legation  had?" 

"What?  Oh,  Captain  the  Honorable  Carey 
Knowles?" 

"Yes.  Well,  I  shall  have  a  much  nicer,  more 
picturesque  title  than  that  when  we  come  back 
to  Caracuna  —  dear,  dirty,  dangerous,  queer, 
riotous,  plague-stricken  old  Caracuna!" 

"Then  my  liege  ladylove  intends  to  come 
back?"  he  asked. 

"Of  course.  Some  time.  And  in  Caracuna 
I  shall  insist  on  being  Mrs.  the  Unspeakable 
Perk." 

THE    END 


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Felix  O'Day.     By  F.  Hopkinson  Smith. 

50-40  or  Fight.    By  Emerson  Hough. 

Fightinig  Chance,  The.    By  Robert  W.  Chambers. 

Financier,  The.    By  Theodore  Dreiser. 

Flamsted  Quarries.     By  Mary  E.  Waller. 

Flying  Mercury,  The.    By  Eleanor  M.  Ingram. 

For  a  Maiden  Brave.    By  Chauncey  C.  Hotchkiss. 

Four  Million,  The.    By  O.  Henry. 

Four  Pool's  Mystery,  The.    By  Jean  Webster. 

Fruitful  Vine,  The.    By  Robert  Hichens. 

Get-Rich-Quick  Wallingford.    By  George  Randolph  Chester. 

Gilbert  Neal.    By  Will  N.  Harben. 

Girl  From  His  Town,  The.     By  Marie  Van  Vorst. 

Girl  of  the  Blue  Ridge,  A.    By  Payne  Erskine. 

Girl  Who  Lived  in  the  Woods,  The.     By  Marjorie  Benton 

Cook. 

Girl  Who  Won,  The.    By  Beth  Ellis. 
Glory  of  Clementina,  The.     By  Wm.  J.  Locke. 
Glory  of  the  Conquered,  The.    By  Susan  Glaspell. 
Godfs  Country  and  the  Woman.    By  James  Oliver  Curwood. 
God's  Good  Man.     By  Marie  Corelli. 
Going  Some.    By  Rex  Beach. 
Gold  Bag,  The.     By  Carolyn  Wells. 


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Golden  Slipper,  The.    By  Anna  Katharine  Green. 

Golden  Web,  The.     By  Anthony  Partridge. 

Gordon  Craig.     By  Randall  Parrish. 

Greater  Love  Hath  No  Man.     By  Frank  L.  Packard. 

Greyfriars  Bobby.     By  Eleanor  Atkinson. 

Guests  of  Hercules,  The.    By  C.  N,  &  A.  M.  Williamson. 

Halcyone.     By  Elinor  Glyn. 

Happy  Island  (Sequel  to  Uncle  William).  By  Jeannette  Lee. 

Havoc.     By  E.  Phillips  Oppenheim. 

Heart  of  Philura,  The.    By  Florence  Kingsley. 

Heart  of  the  Desert,  The.    By  Konore  Willsie. 

Heart  of  the  Hills,  The.    By  John  Fox,  Jr. 

Heart  of  the  Sunset.     By  Rex  Beach. 

Heart  of  Thunder  Mountain,  The.    By  Elfrid  A.  Bingham. 

Heather-Moon,  The.    By  C.  N.  and  A.  M.  Williamson  . 

Her  Weight  in  Gold.    By  Geo.  B.  McCutcheon. 

Hidden  Children,  The.    By  Robert  W.  Chambers. 

Hoosier  Volunteer,  The.    By  Kate  and  Virgil  D. 

Hopalong  Cassidy.    By  Clarence  E.  Mulford. 

How  Leslie  Loved.    By  Anne  Warner. 

Hugh  Wynne,  Free  Quaker.    By  S.  Weir  Mitchell,  M.D. 

Husbands  of  Edith,  The.   By  George  Barr  McCutcheon. 

I  Conquered.     By  Harold  Titus. 

Illustrious  Prince,  The.    By  E.  Phillips  Oppenheim. 

Idols.   By  William  J.  Locke. 

Indifference  of  Juliet,  The.    By  Grace  S.  Richmond. 

Inez.    (111.  Ed.)    By  Augusta  J.  Evans. 

Infelice.    By  Augusta  Evans  Wilson. 

In  Her  Own  Right.     By  John  Reed  Scott. 

Initials  Only.    By  Anna  Katharine  Green. 

In  Another  Girl's  Shoes.    By  Berta  Ruck. 

Inner  Law,  The.    By  Will  N.  Harben. 

Innocent.    By  Marie  Corelli. 

Insidious  Dr.  Fu-Manchu,  The.    By  Sax  Rohmer. 

In  the  Brooding  Wild.    By  Ridgwell  Cullum. 

Intrigues,  The.    By  Harold  Bindloss. 

Iron  Trail,  The.    By  Rex  Beach. 

Iron  Woman,  The.    By  Margaret  Deland. 

UhmaeL    (111.)    By  Mrs.  Southworth. 


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Island  of  Regeneration,  The.     By  Cyrus  Townsend  Brady. 
Island  of  Surprise,  The.    By  Cyrus  Townsend  Brady. 

aponette.     By  Robert  W.  Chambers. 

can  of  the  Lazy  A.    By  B.  M.  Bower. 

eenne  of  the  Marshes.    By  E.  Phillips  Oppenheim. 

ennie  Gerhardt.    By  Theodore  Dreiser. 

oyful  Heatherby.    By  Payne  Erskine. 

ude  the  Obscure.    By  Thomas  Hardy. 

udgment  House,  The.    By  Gilbert  Parker. 

Keeper  of  the  Door,  The.    By  Ethel  M.  Dell. 

Keith  of  the  Border.    By  Randall  Parrish. 

Kent  Knowles:  Quahaug.    By  Joseph  C.  Lincoln. 

King  Spruce.     By  Holman  Day. 

Kingdom  of  Earth,  The.    By  Anthony  Partridge. 

Knave  of  Diamonds,  The.    By  Ethel  M.  Dell. 

Lady  and  the  Pirate,  The.    By  Emerson  Hough. 

Lady  Merton,  Colonist.    By  Mrs.  Humphrey  Ward. 

Landloper,  The.    By  Holman  Day. 

Land  of  Long  Ago,  The.    By  Eliza  Calvert  Hall. 

Last  Try,  The.    By  John  Reed  Scott. 

Last  Shot,  The.     By  Frederick  N.  Palmer. 

Last  Trail,  The.    By  Zane  Grey. 

Laughing  Cavalier,  The.     By  Baroness  Orczy. 

Law  Breakers,  The.     By  Ridgwell  Cullum. 

Lighted  Way,  The.    By  E.  Phillips  Oppenheim. 

Lighting  Conductor  Discovers  America,  The.     By  C.  N.  & 

A.  N.  Williamson. 
Lin  McLean.    By  Owen  Wister. 

Little  Brown  Jug  at  Kildare,  The.    By  Meredith  Nicholsonv 
Lone  Wolf,  The.    By  Louis  Joseph  Vance. 
Long  Roll,  The.    By  Mary  Johnson. 
Lonesome  Land.    By  B.  M.  Bower. 
Lord  Loveland  Discovers  America.     By  C.   N.  and  A.  M. 

Williamson. 

Lost  Ambassador.    By  E.  Phillips  Oppenheim. 
Lost  Prince,  The.    By  Frances  Hodgson  Burnett. 
Lost  Road,  The.    By  Richard  Harding  Davis. 
Love  Under  Fire.    By  Randall  Parrish. 


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Macaria.    (111.  Ed.)    By  Augusta  J.  Evans. 

Maids  of  Paradise,  The.    By  Robert  W.  Chambers. 

Maid  of  the  Forest,  The.    By  Randall  Parrish. 

Maid  of  the  Whispering  Hills,  The.    By  Vingie  E.  Roe. 

Making  of  Bobby  Burnit,  The.    By  Randolph  Chester. 

Making  Money.  By  Owen  Johnson. 

Mam'  Linda.     By  Will  N.  Harben. 

Man  Outside,  The.    By  Wyndham  Martyn. 

Man  Trail,  The.     By  Henry  Oyen. 

Marriage.    By  H.  G.  Wells. 

Marriage  of  Theodora,  The.    By  Mollie  Elliott  Seawell. 

Mary  Moreland.    By  Marie  Van  Vorst. 

Master  Mummer,  The.    By  E.  Phillips  Oppenheim. 

Max.    By  Katherine  Cecil  Thurston. 

Maxwell  Mystery,  The.    By  Caroline  Wells. 

Mediator,  The.   By  Roy  Norton. 

Memoirs  of  Sherlock  Holmes.    By  A.  Conan  Doyle. 

Mischief  Maker,  The.    By  E.  Phillips  Oppenheim. 

Miss  Gibbie  Gault.    By  Kate  Langley  Bosher. 

Miss  Philura's  Wedding  Gown.   By  Florence  Morse 

Molly  McDonald.  By  Randall  Parrish. 

Money  Master,  The.     By  Gilbert  Parker. 

Money  Moon.  The.    By  Jeffery  Farnol. 

Motor  Maid,  The.    By  C.  N  and  A.  M.  Williamson. 

Moth,  The.    By  William  Dana  Orcutt. 

Mountain  Girl,  The.    By  Payne  Erskine. 

Mr.  Single.    By  George  Barr  McCutcheon. 

Mr.  Grex  of  Monte  Carlo.     By  E.  Phillips  Oppenh^wn. 

Mr.  Pratt.     By  Joseph  C.  Lincoln. 

Mr.  Pratt's  Patients.    By  Joseph  C.  Lincoln. 

Mrs.  Balfame.     By  Gertrude  Atherton. 

Mrs.  Red  Pepper.    By  Grace  S.  Richmond. 

My  Demon  Motor  Boat.    By  George  Fitch. 

My  Friend  the  Chauffeur.    By  C.  N.  and  A.  M.  Williamson. 

My  Lady  Caprice.    By  Jeffery  Farnol. 

My  Lady  of  Doubt.    By  Randall  Parrish. 

My  Lady  of  the  North,    By  Randall  Parrish. 

My  Lady  of  the  South.    By  Randall  Parrish. 

Ne'er-Do-Well,  The.    By  Rex  Beach. 
Net,  The.    By  Rex  Beach, 


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New  Clarion.    By  Will  N.  Harben. 
Night  Riders,  The.    By  Ridgwell  Cullum. 
Night  Watches.    By  W.  W.  Jacobs. 
Nobody.    By  Louis  Joseph  Vance. 

Once  Upon  a  Time.    By  Richard  Harding  Davis. 
One  Braver  Thing.    By  Richard  Dehan. 
One  Way  Trail,  The.    By  Ridgwell  Cullum. 
Otherwise  Phyllis.    By  Meredith  Nicholson. 

Pardners.    By  Rex  Beach. 

Parrott  &  Co.    By  Harold  MacGrath. 

Partners  of  the  Tide.    By  Joseph  C.  Lincoln. 

Passionate  Friends,  The.    By  H.  G.  Wells. 

Patrol  of  the  Sun  Dance  Trail,  The.     By  Ralph  Connor. 

Paul  Anthony,  Christian.    By  Hiram  W.  Hayes. 

Perch  of  the  Devil.    By  Gertrude  Atherton. 

Peter  Ruff.   By  E.  Phillips  Oppenheim. 

People's  Man,  A.    By  E.  Phillips  Oppenheim. 

Phillip  Steele.    By  James  Oliver  Cur  wood. 

Pidgin  Island.    By  Harold  MacGrath. 

Place  of  Honeymoon,  The.   By  Harold  MacGrath, 

Plunderer,  The.    By  Roy  Norton. 

Pole  Baker.    By  Will  N.  Harben. 

Pool  of  Flame,  The.    By  Louis  Joseph  Vance. 

Port  of  Adventure,  The.    By  C.  N.  and  A.  M.  Williamson. 

Postmaster,  The.     By  Joseph  C.  Lincoln. 

Power  and  the  Glory,  The.   By  Grace  McGowan  Cooke. 

Prairie  Wife,  The.     By  Arthur  Stringer. 

Price  of  Love,  The.    By  Arnold  Bennett. 

Price  of  the  Prairie,  The.    By  Margaret  Hill  McCarter. 

Prince  of  Sinners.    By  A.  E.  Phillips  Oppenheim. 

Princes  Passes,  The.    By  C.  N.  and  A.  M.  Williamson. 

Princess  Virginia,  The.    By  C.  N.  and  A.  N.  Williamson. 

Promise,  The.    By  J.  B.  Hendryx. 

Purple  Parasol,  The.    By  Geo.  B.  McCutcheon. 

Ranch  at  the  Wolverine,  The.     By  B.  M.  Bower. 
Ranching  for  Sylvia.    By  Harold  Bindloss. 
Real  Man,  The.    By  Francis  Lynde, 
Reason  Why,  The.   By  Elinor  Glyn. 


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Red  Cross  Girl,  The.    By  Richard  Harding  Davis. 

Red  Mist,  The.    By  Randall  Parrish. 

Redemption  of  Kenneth  Gait,  The.    By  Will  N.  Harben. 

Red  Lane,  The.    By  Holman  Day. 

Red  Mouse.  The.    By  Wm.  Hamilton  Osborne. 

Red  Pepper  Burns.    By  Grace  S.  Richmond. 

Rejuvenation  of  Aunt  Mary,  The.    By  Anne  Warner. 

Return  of  Tarzan,  The.    By  Edgar  Rice  Burroughs. 

Riddle  of  Night,  The.     By  Thomas  W.  Hanshew. 

Rim  of  the  Desert,  The.    By  Ada  Woodruff  Anderson. 

Rise  of  Roscoe  Paine,  The.    By  J.  C.  Lincoln. 

Road  to  Providence,  The.    By  Maria  Thompson  Daviess, 

Robinetta.    By  Kate  Douglas  Wiggin. 

Rocks  of  Valpre,  The.    By  Ethel  M.  Dell. 

Rogue  by  Compulsion,  A.    By  Victor  Bridges. 

Rose  in  the  Ring,  The.   By  George  Barr  McCutcheon. 

Rose  of  the  World.     By  Agnes  and  Egerton  Castle. 

Rose  of  Old  Harpeth,  The.    By  Maria  Thompson  Daviess. 

Round  the  Corner  in  Gay  Street.    By  Grace  S.  Richmond. 

Routledjge  Rides  Alone.    By  Will  L.  Comfort. 

St.  Elmo.    (111.  Ed.)    By  Augusta  J.  Evans. 
Salamander,  The.    By  Owen  Johnson. 
Scientific  Sprague.    By  Francis  Lynde. 
Second  Violin,  The.     By  Grace  S.  Richmond. 
Secret  of  the  Reef,  The.    By  Harold  Bindloss. 
Secret  History.     By  C.  N.  &  A.  M.  Williamson. 
Self-Raised.     (111.)     By  Mrs.  Southworth. 
Septimus.     By  William  J.  Locke. 
Set  in  Silver.    By  C.  N.  and  A.  M.  WilHamson. 
Seven  Darlings,  The.    By  Gouverneur  Morris. 
Shea  of  the  Irish  Brigade.    By  Randall  Parrish. 
Shepherd  of  the  Hills,  The.    By  Harold  Bell  Wright 
Sheriff  of  Dyke  Hole,  The.     By  Ridgwell  Cullum. 
Sign  at  Six,  The.     By  Stewart  Edw.  White. 
Silver  Horde,  The.     By  Rex   Beach. 
Simon  the  Jester.    By  William  J.  Locke. 
Siren  of  the  Snows,  A.     By  Stanley  Shaw. 
Sir  Richard  Calmady.     By  Lucas  Malet. 
Sixty-First  Second,  The.     By  Owen  Johnson. 
Slim  Princess,  The.    By  George  Ade. 


THE  UNIVERSITY  LIBRARY 
UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA,  SANTA  CRUZ 

This  book  is  due  on  the  last  DATE  stamped  below. 


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